After leaving Emma’s office, Tina checked in with Bette to let her know that she wasn’t coming straight home. As was her custom when things weighed heavily on her mind she headed to the beach for a run. She kept a gym bag in the car with her running gear, for those impromptu occasions. She changed in the public bathroom then returned the bag with her street clothes to the cargo hold. Making sure she had her phone, wallet, keys and a water bottle she walked over to the benches and did a few stretches before starting out slow then found a good steady pace.

Her minded drifted to the conversation she’d had with Peggy on New Year’s Day. The one that Bette had alluded to where Peggy told her all the evildoings that Helena was involved in, yet Tina still doubted the veracity of her claims. Tina had conceived the baby two weeks prior to this talk but had yet to discover she was pregnant. This was also Tina’s attempt to forge a relationship of her own with Peggy that didn’t center around Bette and Angie.

January – New Year

Bette and Tina invite Peggy to stay with them for a few days until everyone returned to work the following week. Peggy and Tina are sitting in the living room talking while Bette is out with Angie.

“Thank you for having me over Tina. I was feeling a bit lonely in that big house.” Peggy said.

“You are always welcomed here Peggy. We’re happy to have you, and Angie is thrilled. Bette and I were just talking the other night about the bond between you two. It’s almost like you were destined to be in each other’s lives.”

“She is a special child. For some reason we do ‘click’. She’s intelligent and intuitive beyond her years. I can see how much Bette has influenced her love and appreciation of art and beauty which is something we share. She also has your philanthropic spirit and gives of herself so easily. You know it was her idea that we did the Angel Tree Christmas gifts at the orphanage. She’d heard about charitable giving at school and wanted to do something special. She got me involved and we recruited Alice, Shane, Leigh and the rest of the gang. It was a wonderful way to really experience the meaning of Christmas.”

Emma is in her office early on Monday morning when her private line rings. “Dr. Rothman.”

“Good morning Doc. It’s Tina”

“Tina. Good morning. This is a pleasant surprise. How are you? How’s that little one treating you these days?”

“I’m fine. The morning sickness has passed so I’m starting to feel human again. We just had our 8-week checkup, and everything looks good.”

“Glad to hear it. So, what’s up?” Emma knew it wasn’t a social call, otherwise Tina would have called her cell.

“I need to schedule some one on one time with you. This week if you have an opening.”

She checked her appointment calendar. The first open session was on Thursday.

“I have an opening on Thursday, but if you don’t’ mind an informal session we can talk over lunch today. I’m planning to take a break around 1:00pm. I can get Irene to order something.”

“That sounds great Emma. I don’t think I can wait until Thursday. I’m rather anxious to talk to you. I can pick up lunch on my way.” Tina offered.

“Sure, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all. Any preference?”

“Get whatever you’re in the mood for, I’m not picky.”

“You’re taking a chance saying that to a pregnant woman you know.” Tina teased referring to her cravings.

“You’re probably right.” Emma laughed. “I’ll take my chances. Just no anchovies. See you at one.”

***

Tina stopped at a local bakery-café and purchases green salads, half chicken salad sandwiches, and fruit cups for their lunch. She arrives promptly at 12:55 and walks up to Irene’s desk.

“Hi Irene.” Tina greets Emma’s long-time assistant. “How are you”?

“Hello Mrs. Kennard-Porter. I’m fine. It’s nice to see you. Dr. Rothman is expecting you. Please go right in.”

“Thank you, Irene.” Tina walks over to the door and knocks softly then enters Emma’s office. “Hi Doc.”

“Hey Tina. Come on in.” Emma gets up from her desk and gives Tina a quick hug. “Let me take this.”
She says grabbing the bags and setting them on the table.

“I can’t believe how close we came to losing you. I will never let you go back to that dark place where you felt so alone. I will always be by your side. My God Bette how could I have been so blind to what was going on around me? How could I not see or care how my actions and behavior were affecting you then and now?”

“Only you can answer those questions Tee. I didn’t tell you this for you to feel guilty so please don’t. It’s in the past. I survived. With Emma’s help and James’ support I was able to put my life back together. It took us a long time Tee, but we have the life that we’ve always dreamed of now. I’m not going to lose any of it. I’m going to fight for you this time Tee. I’m going to fight for me. I’m going to fight for our children. I’m going to fight for us. I am not going to just roll over and play dead. I will not give over my power or my will to Helena Fuckin’ Peabody or anyone else for that matter.

Emma helped me to realize that Helena was successful in destroying me because she attacked my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I was already so down on myself because of everything that was going on between us. I couldn’t reach you. I couldn’t satisfy you. I couldn’t support you. I had to work so hard to become what you needed me to be that I lost myself. When I considered my worth, I measured it against how you saw me. When I lost value and respect in your eyes, I could no longer validate the person I was. That manifested into self-destructive behaviors. Helena knew the right buttons to push and having you in her corner against me was enough to put me over the edge.

When I started therapy the first thing Emma said was that I had to recognize my innate worth because my survival and sense of well-being depended on it. I was the one in charge of establishing it. I needed to project it and endorse it. I couldn’t let others take that away from me or depend on others to validate me.

The appointment with Dr. Wilson for their 8-weeks check-up was so different from their first experience as parents to be. Tina was just as far along into the pregnancy, but the previous two months had been spent with Bette by her side from conception, unlike with Angie when Tina had inseminated alone in the doctor’s office. She hadn’t known she was pregnant until Helena Peabody, her lover at the time pointed out the obvious changes in her body which then prompted Tina to take the home pregnancy test. Helena wanted to be there for the reveal, but Tina insisted she wanted to do it by herself in her apartment. If she was pregnant, she didn’t want Helena to be the first to know.

When she got the positive result Tina immediately called Bette who in the meantime had overheard a conversation between Helena, Alice, Shane and Dana when she’d stopped at the Planet for take-out. No one saw her as she approached the counter, but the distinct English accent could not be mistaken. Bette would have ignored them, but her ears perked up when she heard Helena say how excited she was that Tina might be pregnant. She told them that Tina was taking the test and she was anxiously awaiting the results.

Helena had an unnatural affinity to pregnant women made even more bizarre by the fact that she had no interest in having children. However, like most sociopaths she could feign feelings that she didn’t experience so played the part convincingly. When she got the news, she acted overjoyed about the pregnancy, but it had nothing to do with motherhood. She knew from Tina how much it meant to Bette to have a family, and the fortuitous situation gave her one more thing that she could take from Bette Porter in her efforts to ruin her very existence. Helena insisted that it was their baby and grew angry when Tina stood her ground. Regardless of their estranged relationship Bette Porter was the only other mother that Tina wanted to raise a child with.

Bette was confused as hell at this declaration given that she and Tina were not together as a couple and Tina continued to date Helena throughout the entire pregnancy. Still her happiness about the baby was genuine and heartfelt. Bette agreed to a new kind of partnership with her ex whereby they would be great parents to Angie. Now they were parenting as a married couple expecting their second child and nothing compared to how great it was to be whole as a family unit.

Bette and Tina schedule an appointment with Dr. Wilson. She confirms the positive results. She gives Tina a complete physical and takes blood and urine samples for lab work. She checks her blood pressure, and weight. They get through the first appointment quickly.

“Well congratulations you two. Tina it looks like you’re just about three weeks pregnant. Your due date should be sometime in late September. Preliminary tests all look good. I want to see you again in 5 weeks. We’ll do the first ultrasound at 8 weeks, and the next one at 12 weeks. I will want to see you once a month until your 6th month. After that we’ll increase frequency to twice a month and in your final weeks, we’ll do weekly appointments. During the visits we’ll continue to check your blood pressure, and weight gain. I noticed you lost some weight since the last visit. That’s good because I’m probably going recommend you gain between 25 and 35 pounds during the pregnancy. Do you have any questions?”

“I didn’t have morning sickness with Angie, but I already started feeling a little nausea with this one. What can I expect and is there anything that will help with the vomiting?”

“You may start having the nausea and vomiting in your 4th week and keep in mind that ‘morning sickness’ isn’t limited to morning. It can happen any time of the day and it might last up five or six weeks. It varies with every pregnancy. It’s important that you eat regularly. Don’t let your stomach get completely empty or overly full. Ginger or lemon can help but use the real thing not artificial. You can have ginger ale, ginger tea, lemonade, or suck on a lemon.

“Doc I want to be able to help Tina through this. What can I do?” Bette asked

“Well you might find that certain smells even something like coffee can cause the queasiness so just be mindful of that and keep them away from her until the morning sickness passes. When you are preparing meals try to make them high in protein and carbohydrates and encourage her to drink lots of fluids, especially water. You’ll want to keep saltine crackers or pretzels handy (even by the bedside so she can eat them before she gets out of bed). You may need to take on a few more of the household chores, cooking and cleaning as she’ll need to be resting more. Just be there for her. Know her body is going to be experiencing a lot of changes that might cause some irritability or mood swings. She’s going to feel crummy if the morning sickness gets bad. Be patient and love her through it all.”