"You should have told me."

There are things better left unsaid, whether it is the time, the date, the place, the people involved. Sometimes it’s just a matter of knowing when not to say things out loud.

This is a totally chickenshit way of leaving things, but you have to admit, it’s also damn predictable.

I don’t know what I was thinking, and why we ended up here. I don’t know how things got to this point but I do know I’m sorry for everything that’s happened.

Or am I getting ahead of myself?

Let me explain.

"We have a lot to talk about."

These are things I never told you. Never told anyone, actually. And what have you done to deserve this unprecedented burst of honesty? I don’t know. Made me fall for you, I suppose.

Made. Like you had done anything outside of the ordinary. Maybe because you allowed me to fall for you? Whichever the case, I’ll continue. Before you think I’ve gone insane.

Too late?

I was never the popular kid, the smartest kid, the prettiest, the fastest, most athletic, or whatever else. I was always just there. I don’t get involved, I get by. For so long, all I did was get by. I never really forged a personality to show people because I never really thought I would have to rely on my personality to survive in the world.

I’m fine with who I am, as impossible as it is to define who that person is.

But I guess something’s happened that made me question whether or not I really believe that. Because I’m not fine with who I am anymore.

Because I leave. Never really making my place in the world, I find it so easy to pack up and go.

It’s not enough anymore. And for that I have to credit Dana, but I guess the desire to make something of myself in a certain situation sharply collided with the part of me that needs to leave.

Why am I telling you this, you’re asking. Well, because you deserve more. You deserve someone who won’t leave at the first sign of trouble and take away that decision from you. I want to be the person people trust and rely on, but I can’t do that when I don’t know where I stand.

"Frak!" Alice swore, as she stumbled upon the clearing of the waterfall. She turned to the water, as if it had anything to do with her ungraceful entrance. "Dana, could you at least have picked someplace easier to find?"

The waterfall only continued its rush.

Alice sat down, and suddenly realized this had been the same rock upon which she’d sat yesterday, the same rock upon which she and Lara had their first interaction in two years.

"Two years," Alice mused out loud. "Shit, Dane. Sometimes it feels like I just lost you."

Sometimes?

Alice sighed. "So I guess you know what brings me here today."

Not really expecting an answer — because she would be insane if she did — Alice sighed.

"Me and Lara. Who knew, right? I mean, this is the woman who took you from me." Alice smiled weakly, then glanced down at her hands. "The funny part? She reminds me so much of you, but she’s not you, and that’s what’s so good about it. You know?"

"No, I don’t."

Alice looked up quickly, startled.

Beside her, Shane laughed. "God, you should see the look on your face."

"Shut up, Shane." Alice snapped.

Shane chuckled, before taking a seat on the rock beside Alice’s, the one Lara had sat on yesterday. "So what are we doing here, Alice?"

"I’m talking to Dana," Alice told her.

Shane nodded slowly. "Looking for enlightenment?"

"Or permission," Alice shrugged. "Either works for me."

"Permission?" Shane repeated dully.

"You know, making sure she approves of me doing anything with Lara." Alice told her.

Shane looked at her curiously. "But… Why?"

"Because." Alice frowned at her. "I don’t need to justify myself to you."

"Yeah, but you’re not making sense," Shane told her.

"I’m not?"

"I mean, Lara makes you happy, right?"

"Sure, she does, but…" Alice paused. "Well, I haven’t really taken the time to think about that. But, see, now that everything’s been sorted out between us, it’s become really easy to talk to her."

"There were things to sort out?" Shane inquired.

"What?" Alice asked.

"Alice," Shane straightened, turning to her friend. "Did something happen between you and Lara before?"

Alice avoided her gaze.

Alice glanced across the table, and watched as Lara thoughtfully chewed on her half of Alice’s banana muffin. "What’s wrong?"

Lara swallowed the bite she’d been chewing on. "I think they overdid the lemon zest in this."

Alice stared at her, and smirked. "Oh my God your friends were right."

"What?" Lara questioned, taking a sip from her cup of coffee.

"You really can discern the ingredients just by chewing." Alice noted.

Lara’s complexion flushed to a color not unlike her hair. "They told you that."

"Oh, sure. They also told me how they had a pool going on which team you played for." Alice continued. "By the way, did you know Manny was convinced you were straight?"

"They had a pool?" Lara repeated, aghast.

"You really know how to mess with people’s gaydar," Alice told her.

"There was a pool?" Lara repeated.

"Yes. Get over it."

"That’s almost as jarring as the idea that you made out with Jenny," Lara shuddered.

"Kissed." Alice argued. "And I got paid for that."

"Still." Lara retorted.

"Lara Perkins." A low voice noted.

Lara and Alice looked up, and smiled at Shane, who stood beside their table.

"Hi, Shane." Lara greeted.

Shane nodded. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," Alice nodded. "Although, you’re a little early today."

"Late night." Shane corrected as she sat down, and then she glanced at them. "What’s going on?"

"I was just telling Lara how gaydars can’t read her." Alice shared.

Shane shook her head. "That was insane."

"Your little game of Espionage?" Lara guessed.

Shane glanced at Alice, who stared at Lara. "Dana told you?"

"No, that was just the most interesting day I’d had at work," Lara replied.

Shane chuckled. "Dana was so pissed when I gave my approval."

"Yeah, the Shane thing usually works with anyone," Alice turned to Lara. "Why not with you?"

"Shane’s not my type," Lara shrugged. "No offense."

"None taken."

Shane glanced at Alice, then turned to Lara. "So what is your type, Lara?"

Alice shot Shane a glare.

Shane turned to her. "What?"

Lara leaned back, and shrugged. "I like quirky women."

"Alice is quirky," Shane offered.

Alice kicked Shane under the table.

"Lara!" Kit exclaimed, engulfing the redhead into a tight embrace. "You’re a sight for sore eyes!"

"Hi, Kit," Lara greeted her former employer, returning the hug.

Kit pulled back, and regarded the chef. "For someone who works with food, you look thinner."

Lara smiled weakly. "At one point you get sick of your own cooking."

"You know, if Chicago stops working out…" Kit began, earning her an embarrassed smile from the chef.

"Hey," Alice greeted, coming up behind them. "Hi, Kit. Where’s everybody?"

"It’s still early," Kit pointed out. She regarded Alice. "You’re early for a Sunday."

"Yeah, well…" Alice let her voice trail off, opting not to answer. She glanced around The Planet, checking to see if any her friends were already around.

Kit turned to Lara, figuring out who would be more expressive between these two. "So you two work things out?"

Lara shot Alice a questioning glance, which Alice returned with an innocent look.

"I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kit," Alice told Kit innocently.

"Mm hmm. And that cat-ate-canary look on your face is supposed to convince me?" Kit questioned. She turned back to Lara. "What are you doing in LA?"

"I was here for the weekend," Lara explained.

"And you only came to see me now?" Kit asked, feigning hurt.

Lara smiled. "You know how I can’t leave without seeing you, Kit."

"You still owe me a copy of your review," Kit reminded.

"I do. I keep forgetting," Lara gave her an sheepish smile.

"So what were you doing in LA for the weekend?" Kit asked, when she suddenly paused, and regarded the two women in front of her, finding the common link. "Dana."

"Yeah," Lara nodded.

Kit glanced at Alice. "Did you know Lara was coming?"

"I’m as shocked as you are," Alice assured her.

"So you’re both fine?" Kit questioned.

Alice glanced at Lara, then smiled at Kit. "Yeah. I guess we are."

Kit regarded them, and shrugged. "That is one messed-up section of your chart, Alice."

Alice grinned at her, pinching Lara’s cheek as she did. "But isn’t she adorable?"

"Ow," Lara frowned at her.

"I’ll go find a table." Alice said elegantly. "Kit: banana muffin and coffee. Please and thank you."

Alice opened her eyes, and was startled by the angry glare of sunlight that managed to slip in through the drawn curtains. She sat up, and glanced around the room.

Decidedly NOT her room.

Alice groaned, and rested her head on her hand. Jesus, how much wine did she and Lara consume last night?

Lara.

Alice quickly glanced around, searching for the redhead, and finding her missing, tossed aside the blanket she’d been using.

Hey. Check out her state of being clothed.

When had they started drinking? Alice thought, her mind going back to mere hours before, when she and the redhead had sat together on the couch in Lara’s friends’ living room, discussing their lives the past two years. Finally able to confess to Alice what had prompted her departure, Lara seemed to have loosened up, and the alcohol had not lessened Alice’s own talkative streak.

The alcohol. Alice had gotten up to get a glass of water, but had instead found a bottle of wine in the fridge, which Lara had identified as cheap wine better used for cooking. Not that it had stopped them from drinking.

That was when Alice had confessed her own trepidations, what had caused her to back away from Lara that night at Whistler.

She had felt the same things. She had thought the same things as the redhead.

The difference was that it hurt too much. The possibility of letting Lara in had proven too much. Lara, who in a short amount of time had made Alice need her in a way that made Alice feel so vulnerable and raw. Lara, who had a habit of disappearing. Lara, who had put a thousand miles between herself and Dana because Dana’s grief for herself revealed itself as anger.

She had said these things, wanting to tell Lara more than words ever could.

Alice raked her fingers through her hair, and sighed. What was it about Lara that made her feel like telling her everything? The guilt of having left Dana’s bedside when she died. The guilt of moving on so soon. Of feeling so strongly for someone when the grief was still foremost and at the surface.