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    Baby, I’m A Mess – (Chapter: I will never sleep again.)

    Story written on April 2, 2007 by restartmyheart.
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    Genre(s): N/A
    Rating: N/A
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    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 3608
    Story Shortlink: https://www.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=14068
    Author Notes:

    …And you try to hold on but it’s not quite working…

    I sat outside of Spencer’s house in my car. In a matter of minutes I’d be knocking at the front door and meeting her parents. I’d also be sitting down to a family dinner, something unheard of in my vocabulary for years.

    I opened up the glove box and took out one of the pill bottles, grabbing about 5 or so of my anti-depressants. I figured I’d need to take a few to get me through the night. Thinking back too my own life made it worse and I didn‘t want to feel this way, especially if I was about to meet Spencer’s family. I didn’t pay attention to what was in my hand. I was too out of it, I just swallowed them whole and washed it down with water.

    I didn’t feel like painting a smile on my face, but I knew, it wasn’t the end of the world. If I could just get through tonight, no mistakes, no cursing. I needed to act decently. Spencer was the first real friend I’ve had in a while and the time I get to spend with her helps. If her family likes me, that means I get to see her more. I shook my head thinking about it. I’m changing for some reason, it’s really funny to think about….for a stupid girl… she’s not stupid, it’s just… I never felt like a girl was worth all of the trouble I’m putting myself through right now. I always kept to myself and took care of my needs. Part of me wanted to be taken care of, and she listened, she really listened when I talked, but the other half of me wanted to push her far away and lock her up in a box and completely forget about the key. She was stupid for making me feel so torn. Like sometimes, when I look at her face, I know just how much she means to me, and then when I realize where those feelings will get me, I want to scream. I want to run, I want to forget about all of it.

    All of this in only a weeks time.

    Thank God it’s the weekend, I can forget about what life means to me for 3 days. Everything is in my way, I’m being pushed in one direction and tugged into the other.

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    Comments

    4. ughh, I am soo sorry I’m late on this…I was getting all depressed because I thought you hadn’t posted…and you did..I just missed it!!!! I feel like a jack-ass!!! Brilliant stuff mate!!! I really…really LOVED it.

    8. ughh, I am soo sorry I’m late on this…I was getting all depressed because I thought you hadn’t posted…and you did..I just missed it!!!! I feel like a jack-ass!!! Brilliant stuff mate!!! I really…really LOVED it.

    9. damn, that’s really scary… mistaking oxycontin for the daily dose!? jesus. i hope that opens her eyes, or next time she wont wake up. this is amazing, thank you thank you…

    10. damn, that’s really scary… mistaking oxycontin for the daily dose!? jesus. i hope that opens her eyes, or next time she wont wake up. this is amazing, thank you thank you…

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