Lying there several things pass through your mind. Your formerly innocent, clean mind. You watch his bare back become covered by the polo shirt he had walked into the party wearing. You wrapped the plain white sheet tighter around yourself. The thin lining feels like your only protection from the cold room and the fear swirling around like an invisible whirlwind.

 

    He still hasn’t said anything and you can’t seem to get any words out. Your mouth is dry and your head is spinning making it almost impossible for you to remember your own name, let alone form sentences.

 

    He is sitting on the edge of the bed now; his now fully clothed back still facing you. The silence -the antagonizinly empty- silence is eating away at your insides but you can’t force yourself to speak. His usually neat black hair is messy and seems to refuse to flatten no matter how many times he runs his hands through his hair.

 

    You don’t know what to think.

 

    You don’t know whether to feel sad, or happy, or maybe even…relived. It wasn’t what you thought it was going to be. You love him. Don’t you? And your first time is supposed to be with someone you love. So why did it feel so incredibly wrong?

 

    You wonder what he is thinking. Was he experiencing the same doubt that you are? You are jerked out of your thoughts when he rises up from the bed and walks towards the bedroom door. You can feel more than hear the base that is rising up from the living room door.

 

    You cannot bring yourself to stop him. He opens the door and steps out into the hallway. Someone screams from downstairs but you barely hear it.

 

    He turns around and you can’t be sure but you think that you see remorse sparkling in his green eyes before he slams the door shut on your face. 

  
 

 

 

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