“I want you to be very careful. You don’t want to pop any of those stitches,” Charlotte said as she held the door for the teenager.  ”Yes, Dr. Kline,” the boy nodded and hurried out of the exam room.  ”I bet he will be missing one within the week.” Charlotte looked up in the direction of the soft southern voice.  ”Hello Tina. How are you?”  ”My ankles are swollen but other than that good. I came to see how your first couple of days have been.”  ”Busy. Why don’t we sit down?” Charlotte wanted to get the pregnant woman off her feet. She frowns in thought, “Lets use this exam room my office is still a filing room at the moment.” Charlotte held her arm out in an ‘after you gesture’. She followed Tina into the room, trying to steal a look at the offending ankles. “Tina, please take the chair. I will pull up a counter.” Charlotte holds the rolling chair out for Tina to sit in. “So what can I do for you?”  Tina settled into her chair. She waited for Charlotte to jump up onto the counter before she continued. This was the first time that Tina had seen Charlotte as a doctor. The shorter woman had her wild hair swept up. Her white jacket covered most of her suit but it was obviously another tailor suit. It was a little unnerving to see Charlotte in doctor mode, at this point even the stethoscope around her neck intimidated Tina. “I just wanted to make sure you had everything you need. Is the staff helping you get settled?” Tina asked the question knowing as it escaped her lips that it was a lame one. Charlotte, well, Dr. Kline moved with ease in her surroundings. If Tina did not know any better she would have thought the good doctor had been in this office for years.  ”Yes everyone is great. I didn’t know how much I missed all this until I got here.” Dr. Kline raised her eyebrow. The gesture oddly put Tina at ease; the woman sitting on the counter was defiantly the guitar playing beach bum she knew. Tina wondered about the many coats that Charlotte could wear: doctor, mother, musician, teacher, and sage. “We both know you didn’t come down here to ask about the staff. What is it?” Charlotte smiled softly, her eyes sparkling is a happiness that Tina had not seen before.  Tina looked around trying to avoid the penetrating green eyes. “I wanted to ask you something but I think now I am going to chicken out.”  ”Well, I tell you what. How about we talk doctor to patience? I would be sworn to secrecy.”  Tina met the green eyes; they were soft, intelligent, and entirely trust worthy. “I wasn’t worried about you telling anyone. Besides, I don’t have anything wrong with me.”  ”Sometimes it is good to come to the doctor when you feel fine. Beside,” Charlotte winked at Tina, “it is my professional opinion that you need to see a medical professional such as myself.”  ”Why is that?”  ”You said your ankles are swollen. It may not be my specialty but I did live with a pregnant woman for nine months. I picked up a few tricks.” Charlotte jumped off the counter and closed the door. She knelt in front of Tina and places her hand on Tina’s shoe, “May I?”  Tina smiles, “Ok, Doctor.”  Charlotte removes the shoes and whistles in thought. She pulls out lotion from the cabinet next to her. She warms it up in her hand before she sets to work on the offending ankles. “So?” she asks.  ”That feels good,” Tina leans back relaxing in her chair.  ”Not what I meant,” Charlotte sings at her.  ”Oh yeah,” Tina giggles nervously. “I heard that your wife left you for another woman,” Tina blurts out.  The doctor didn’t look up or stop her work, “You heard? You mean Alice told you?”  ”Yes,” Tina stops unsure what she wants to know. “Does it get better? Does it go away?”  Charlotte looks up as she rubs, “There are two things you could mean by “it”. The hurt does go away. I know that it feels like it will forever be burned on you heart but trust me it won’t. I have forgiven her, that help. I understand why she left. I practically pushed her into Tracy’s arms. At first it was unbearable to know she packed up our child and moved in with another woman. I now know that it was for the best. How I wish that it hadn’t happened the way it did but it happened. I am more me now that she isn’t part of my life. She is happy, which despite the many times I wished her unhappiness, is important. Mostly Tracy is good with Stella.  The second thing is love. It never goes away. I will always love her. We had more good than bad. We had twelve out thirteen good years together, a healthy child, and love. Part of my forgiving her was letting myself remember the good times. It is extremely easy to let the hard times be the prevailing memories, all that bitterness and anger. It consumed me for a year all that anger. I was self-destructing just like Bette. However, I came to the knowledge that the good far out weighted the bad. I think maybe we were too young, not sure of whom we were. It was freshman year in college. Not very many people know what they want for the rest of their lives at 18, do they? We entered into the relationship together and we sunk it together as well. These things are hardly ever one sided.” Charlotte pauses her monologue to look at Tina. “May I ask you a question?” She waits for Tina nod before she continues. “Can you live without her? Can you have this baby and be completely happy knowing she isn’t part of its life? Can you wake up without her for the rest of your life?”  ”I don’t know,” Tina whispers it down to the woman kneeling before her. The doubt and fear have filled her eyes, threatening to spill over. Tina wondered if she was strong enough to forgive. For the most part their years together had been filled with happiness. At this point the pain of the betrayal seemed like too big of a hurtle to jump alone. Alone; that word rung in her head echoing back to haunt her.  Charlotte watched the fear and confusion flash before Tina’s eyes. She had known that doubt and fear let it devour her life. She, however, knew something that Tina didn’t have the benefit of knowing: Tina was a much stronger person that Charlotte ever was or is. Charlotte knew that inside the timid exterior was the bravest woman Charlotte ever had the privilege of meeting. She also knew this was something that she could never tell Tina, this was something that Tina had to discover on her own. “The worst thing,” she paused to let Tina wander out of her self reflection before she continued, “is not that she left me but” Charlotte paused, her face pink with embarrassment.  ”What?”  ”If I say it you will think me an awful person, I feel like an awful person just thinking it.”  ”I could hardly think that. I owe you a lot, Charlotte. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”  Charlotte looked up into the soft, trusting eyes knowing without a doubt that Tina would not think ill of her. “Have you heard of the group Fleming and John?”  ”No, should I have?”  ”No. I was just going to reference a song but if you don’t know it there is no point in that.”  ”Sing to me,” the request of soft but stern. The soft tone belied that fact that is was a command. Charlotte smiled to herself at the thought of the might Bette Porter taking these soft spoken commands. “I keep hearing what a wonderful musician you are, so you should show me.”  Charlotte laughs, with her hands still hard at work she started to sing.  When I saw you at the grocery store you were sharing a shopping cart with her and I couldn’t turn and run away I didn’t know what to say You introduced us for the first time and I had to look her in the eye but you could not imagine my surprise can’t you see you’re leaving me for an ugly girl Does she talk about politics and all the stuff that used to make me sick does she smoke cigars and stay up late? oh she’s so great Does she tell you what you want to hear and I bet that she can grow a beard I’d feel better thinking you were queer it’s not fair I can’t compare to an ugly girl ha ha ha ha ha the jokes on me I feel jealous and I feel mean is she so nice that it makes up for her face there’s no way Do you have to keep your eyes closed do you have to keep the lights down low oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold can’t you see you’re leaving me for an ugly girl    Tina stopped laughing long enough to say, “You are indeed very talented!”  ”You should hear it with music it is such an up beat melody that it makes it all the more hilarious.” Charlotte concentrated on Tina’s ankles afraid to look up and see judgment in Tina’s eyes. “Am I a truly horrible person?”  ”No, I could never think that! In fact it is quite the opposite. You have done so much in a short time.” Tina’s eyes fill with the sadness that constantly lurks at the edges of her heart. “Do you make her laugh?” Tina didn’t think to clarify whom she meant, it was unnecessary anyway her expression told all.  ”Sometimes. She has a lot of sorrow; it holds the smile out of her eyes most times. It is difficult to get her to laugh but I must say it is well worth the effort.”  ”Toward the end she stopped laughing. We both stopped laughing but it was her laughter that made the most impact. Her laughter was what made me relies I was in love with her. That smile and laugh should be considered weapons, one look and you can’t move. The world just drops away so that all that is left is you, her, and her smile.”  Knock. Knock.  ”Come in.”  ”Dr. Kline there is a fever in exam 3.”  ”Thanks Doris. I will be there in a minute.” Doris leaves, closing the door behind her. Charlotte stops her rubbing to admire her handy work. “How do they feel?”  Tina slowly rotates her ankles. She smiles, her eyes twinkling, “fabulous! Are you sure you are a plastic surgeon and not my fairy godmother?”  ”Acupressure, it works wonders. Stop by or call anytime you need to schedule an appointment. Stay off you feet as much as possible. I need you to drink lots of water today, more then normal, to flush out the toxins.”  ”Yes, Doctor.” Tina gets up. Feeling much better both emotional and physically. She knows there are lots of questions she need to ask herself but she feels that she is in a much better place to find the answers.  ”Tina?”  Tina turns back around at the serious tone, “Is this where you tell me how much I owe you?” She jests.  ”You need to tell her about this.”  Temporary confusion crosses Tina face, “Why would she care if” Tina shakes her head, “You meant the baby.” She lowers her head to the floor, her self-assurances flying out the window.  ”Do you want her to hear it through the grape vine? It is getting hard for you to hide; people will be asking questions soon. Or were you going to wait until the baby was born? If you are going to give this friends thing a real shot you need to be honest with each other.”  ”I know.” Tina lifts her head and takes Charlottes hand. “Thanks for everything and for being there for her.”     ”It has been my pleasure, Tina. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”  ”I won’t.”  Charlotte watched Tina leave the clinic. She shakes her head, “They love each other too much to be friends.”