Milkyway – Bette

It’s mid-afternoon and life feels very quiet. The sounds I hear are only those closest to me. In this room there is breathing and there is suckling. That is all there is for my attention to focus on. I find it so calming to lie in bed with Tina breastfeeding. It’s intimate. It’s warm. Our baby so small and tucked in a sling she sucks steadily. Tina smiles at me, we kiss and then I lie back, and stare at the ceiling asking no questions today, needing only what is.

“I must have drifted off to sleep.” I feel Tina’s hand brush up my neck to my cheek. “Yes? Just resting my eyes.” I laugh a little at my lie.

“How did that feel? I’m forgetting.” Tina laughs.

“Can you now? While she is?”

“Yes, I’d like to try.”

I lift up Angelica away from Tina’s breast and then into her baby carrier. Tina opens her arms as I lie back in bed. “Baby, you’ve been taking such good care of me.”

“I’m finding it’s all I really want to do.” I lean down and kiss her. She strokes my cheek. We kiss again, and I lie down next to her in my everyday now I’m finding uniform – yoga pants and tank shirt.

“Anything you want, just ask.” I laugh a little at the hope.

“Just a nap with you for as long as I can get.”

“One thing before we close our eyes.” I reach back for the little bottle of emu oil for her long scar. “We need to do this three times a day at least.”

She lifts up her gown to her scar that is eight days old today. “The redness has started to leave in the last two days. I believe this oil is helping.” I help fold her gown back from her incision.

“Thank you, Baby, for remembering. It’s not as sore, but be careful. I know you will.” Tina looks down at her belly.

“I will.” I kiss her softly as I rub the oil to warm it between my fingers. Then, I feel the length of the line of surgical staples with my fingertips as I treat her scar with oil.

“This all turned out so scary for us. So not what we’d planned. Would you get me a fresh gown? I’d love a new one.”