As the days past I busied myself further and further into my work. Not allowing myself to be distracted at any given second. It proved more difficult than I initially thought. I had been ignoring Frankie’s messages; hoping the problem would go away. If I didn’t see her then there wouldn’t be an opportunity like what happened to arise.

One new message received: Frankie

I looked at the screen on my mobile and saw her name flash up like neon lights. All the messages she had sent I hadn’t read I couldn’t bring myself to open them. In total this was the 53rd message she had sent among voicemails, I had to face this like an adult.

‘Cat, please talk to me. I’m going out of my mind. We need to talk about what happened. I miss you. Frankie xx’

Talk about what happened? How could we talk about what happened I ended up sleeping with her behind Sam’s back. And now I realise I don’t want to hurt either of them. But if I’m honest in heart of hearts I’m more concerned that I will never see Sam again. I went two years without nothing but a seeming less phone call from Frankie I survived that. But how would I survive if someone who loved me so openly and wantingly just leave my life because I fucked up? That would be a whole different situation at hand.

Should I reply? Or should I ignore what I had just read? I couldn’t avoid her forever, eventually Tess and Jay would realise something wasn’t quite right within the group dynamics.

I took a moment to scroll through the other messages she had sent.

‘I just want to see you, I don’t know what to think or do because you won’t answer my calls or texts. Would it be easier if I left Glasgow? I would do that for you. I just want you to be happy and I know I can make you happy. Frankie xx’

‘I stopped by your flat you was out. I saw Sam, I’m guessing you are still together. I just want to know is that what you really want? Frankie xx’

Would she really leave Glasgow if I told her to go? Can’t she see apart of me can’t live with her or without her. Moving away wouldn’t solve things or would it? If she did Sam would never find out but then I know Frankie would never return at least not for me.

********

I sat there laughing at Sam’s attempt of pretending she could be a femme reenacting me as I put on my lipstick. We had silly moments that felt like we were the only two people in the world that existed or actually got one another.

Tess, Jay and Ed arrived I subconsciously looked around for Frankie and I couldn’t spot her. As I greeted Tess I noticed Frankie looking sheepish behind her. Her eyes glazed like she was dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, her makeup dark to suit her mood. I always noticed how she masked her emotions on her face, I guess I knew her inside out like no one else.

Tess sat down beside Sam, leaving me and Frankie standing in front of one another unsure of what to say, we looked away breaking the contact as she took a seat by Jay.

The drinks began to flow and conversational banter from too and throw. I remained quiet a lot of the time somewhat submissive to part-take in the antics. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Frankie. She seemed aloof like all those texts and phone calls hadn’t happened it was like all a big mystery with her.

I excused myself and headed to the bathroom, the tension was becoming unbearable. As I cooled my cheeks with the coldness of the water, I kept thinking I wasn’t sure how to deal with the Frankie situation but I didn’t like this not one bit.