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    Inconsolable – section 2-7

    I never knew what enough was
    Until I’d had more than my share
    Then I let the darkness in
    It was then I lost the dare
    It was then I lost the day

    – Johnatha Brooke


    It had been three days and the silence was deafening. Not a call, not a text, nothing, not even a whisper. Sure, she had been warned. Warned on the very first day they met, nonetheless. Somehow, that didn’t make it any better. She knew what she had done. She replayed the moment where it all went wrong over and over again in her head, burned into her memory like the cigarette burns on the forearm of the teenage girl she was supposed to be working on right now. Shit. She could usually burry herself in her work, but not this time. This time she had gone too far. This time, it hurt with the intensity of being slowly cut in two, or crushed to death under an unimaginable burden of stone. Her chest hurt, her stomach hurt and there was a dull humming in her head that had nothing to do with the ambient noise of the machinery at the morgue. Three days and she had not eaten for fear of throwing it back up, and barely slept. Damn it Holly! Snap out of it! She thought, angry with herself for letting it get this far. This is what you get for allowing yourself to get involved with a straight girl. That wasn’t exactly fair, and she knew it. Anger was the only thing that narrowly kept her from dissolving into another crying jag.

    Just over three weeks ago she had heard a rumor from a lab tech that officers at the fifteen were under fire and an unnamed policewoman had been shot and maybe even killed. All she could think about then was Gail. She had dropped the coffee she was holding, dropped everything at work, dropped the facade that she and Gail were simply casual friends, grabbed her coat and the nearest case folder and run as fast as she could to find Gail, weak excuse in hand. From there, their relationship had exploded into life. Until three days ago, when it had come to a screeching halt. Three days ago she had picked Gail up and gone out to the Penny for a few drinks after work. Things seemed to be going ok, until Gail got into a drunken screaming match with Nick about who had abandoned who, with a tearful Andy caught literally in the middle. Gail had stormed from the bar with Holly in hot pursuit. Holly had found her sobbing into the brick wall of the alley behind. She had taken Gail in her arms, stroking her hair and letting her cry, as Gail clung to her like a life raft.

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