“it’s been a while…” she told me “…you know you need to go back right ash?” she asked me

“go back?” I asked confused

“wake up…go back and marry well…me…” she said

“but I did marry you…” I told her

“no…I’m not the girl you’re in love with…the one sitting at that hospital holding her breath for you is…” she told me

“Spencer but I…I want to be here…with the two of you…”

“you know you can’t Ashley…we’ll always be right here…” she said pointing to my heart then Erin ran back over to me and tugged on my shirt

“you staying here mommy?” she asked me then I looked up at Spencer

“I don’t know E…not yet at least…” I told her

“well den can we do the airplane…” she asked me then I picked her up and she laid along my arms and I spun her around in circles just listening to her laugh

“Erin can you go play on the playground?” Spencer asked her

“but I want to be with Ashley…” she told her

“I know you can be…just for a few minutes Erin please…” she asked her

“fine” she said and Erin stomped off to the swings

“Ashley what are you doing?” she asked me

“being with you and Erin…” I told her

“but hasn’t it clicked yet that this isn’t real? It’s been a little over three years since you woke up…” she told me

“I know it has, but if it’s real then why do I keep coming back here? With the two of you?” I asked her “maybe I’m supposed to be here…” I told her

“you’re not…I know for a fact you belong down there, and you know why you keep coming back here? It’s because this is your place to escape from the tarnished world down there…” she told me “…come on…” she said taking my hand

“what about Erin?” I asked her

“she’ll be fine…” she said and we walked through the door again except this time we were in my apartment in New York

“why are we at my apartment?” I asked her

“does it seem different?” she asked me

“yeah…it smells different…not like me or Spencer…” I told her then some random girl came through the front door “and maybe that’s why…” I said

“yep…” she said then we walked through the front door and ended up in a cemetery…

“what the hell?” I asked her then I saw Spencer and Aiden standing at a tombstone “who’s gravestone are they standing at?” I asked

“Kyla’s…” she told me

“what? no…” I said shaking my head not believing it

“Kyla couldn’t handle not having you around…her and Aiden had a huge fight and she had no one…and the rest is in the past of those two, and now Aiden blames himself…” she said

“no he can’t…” I told her “…what about Spencer?”

“she’s no better…she’s only talked to Aiden and her parents for the past year, she wont let anyone else in her life in the fear of losing them like you…” she told me “…do you understand that you have to go back Ashley? You know I love you, but I can love you their too…” she said “…please go back, for me and Erin..go back…”

Why can’t life be that easy? When things get hard why cant we all just fly away…we can’t even fly, if things get hard we run and that alone can be exhausting. Dance it out is what I always say, whether there’s music or not, just break out into your own dance party and let your self pity be your music. The pity you have for your lonely and confusing life that never seems to work out in your favor.

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