Chapter Thirteen

Have you ever held your head underneath the water when you have a bath? Just to see how long you can do it for. Trying to think about something else rather than count how many seconds you’ve been under but no matter how hard you try not to count, you always end up doing so?

How about when you need a good cry? For no reason at all, you just need to cry. Maybe it’s built up stress you didn’t even know you had. Work, school, family or relationships. Could be anything, but you just need to cry. You hold on to one phase and just repeat it over and over. ‘I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry I didn’t- I didn’t mean it’ even though you know you have done fuck all to anybody, your saying it to yourself?

It’s strange the kind of things we do. In privacy most of the time, just because we can do them. There is no reason for doing anything. Staring at yourself in the mirror, right into your own eyes, trying to make out the different colours in them and five minutes could pass just looking into your own eyes not even thinking about anything.

Or how about what I’m doing now? It’s raining. Heavy. And here I am sat on my windowsill  with the window wide open staring out just watching the blurring droplets just fall. I love watching rain, it sooths me.

The little tear shaped drops hitting my leg and it’s cold, but I don’t feel it. I’m too busy concentrating on nothing. I’m watching this rain, but my mind is completely blank.

I think everyone needs these kind of moments for themselves and if you’re telling me you don’t do something like this or exactly the same you are either lying your ass off or you are about to self destruct.

We need these moments to reflect, before heading into the crazy world that is our lives.

Everybody has different statuses in life. Some have no parents, no friends. Some people out there have to work on streets just to feed their children at night and have a bed for them to sleep in. But then you could have somebody that their only worry is the exam the next day.