Spencer’s mother Paula could be a major Bitch with a capital ‘ITCH’ i mean she eventually warmed up to me but she hated me when spencer and i started to date. She had this insane troll logic that i had turned her precious catholic bible reading, cross-wearing, i spread peace and not my legs, daughter into and i quote ‘a disgusting homosexual who was going to burn in hell forever.’ Hey folks her words totally not mine. After the storm passed she eventually started to tolerate me and with a woping 6 months and 18 days she learned to kind of like me but most of all accept her daughter for who she was. Mothers i tell ya, they gotta make every situation so much more complicated.

"Hi Ashley, are you here for spencer?" she asks and i nood.

"uhh yeah." she turns from the door and yells out spencer’s name.

"Spencer, Ashley’s here!" There’s no answer and i stand awkwardly at the door. i can tell Paula is getting uncomfortable just standing there so she calls spencer again.

"Spencer!" Still no fucking answer and i grow annoyed.

"Spenc…" I cut her off.

"Uhh its ok Mrs.C she’s obviously ignoring me i’m just gonna…uh i’m just gonna go." She frowns a little.

"Are you sure?"

"No yeah just could you tell her to call me?" i ask her as i back away from the door.

"Sure of course Ashley."She says and i fully turn around and head back to my car. So i guess this really was going to go for the worse. Why couldn’t anything ever be easy.’maybe it would be if you didn’t sleep around with your girlfriends best friend’ says the little voice in my head and i quickly tell it to shut up and squash it. But i know of course that stupid little booger of a voice is right. Spencer and I were fucking gravy before Jessica’s party and my  need to tell her the truth and nothing but the shitty truth. That is what got me here…booze and the honest truth. word of advice people…never combined the two together unless you have an undo button or it can lead to chaos, tears, regrets, loss of loved ones, and more. I get in my car and speed off from her house. It is a bright and sunny saturday and on any regular old day it would be me and spencer, hand in hand, walking down the santa monica pier. The best saturdays of my life i tell ya. But then again anything with her was the best. She could take a fucking mind dumbingly boring situation and turn it into the greatest experience i have ever had. Some situations even more special than others. if you know what i mean. wink wink.

Just thinking about this makes me realize how much i put at risk when i made the choice of sleeping with her best frinend. I risked her heart, her love, her happiness and mine as well because she was, is the only thing that can ever make me truly happy. No matter how shitty my day, week has been, just one smile from her would make it better. That is why i have to talk to her. i have to let her know that i am sorry and that i fucked up in a major way and that without her my life is a shitty piece of shit and that she is my reason for waking up in the morning. I want to tell her so many things to make this situation better, i want to kiss her soft lips and feel the electricity that i know is there. I want her to be mine again. No questions asked. She’s unlike any other and i don’t ever want to love another and with that i was determined to make her see how much i loved her.

I continue to drive. no destination, no place really in mind. i was just tempted to keep the car in drive so thats what i did. i kept the car in drive. Thinking. This time for the best possible solution to get my lover back into my arms no matter what and no matter the consequences. Fucking bring on the rain, the pain because whatever she wants i am fully prepared to give it to her. No thinking twice.