CHAPTER SIX: Nostalgia Hurts

I left the jungle village more grieved than I could remember in both my lives and I didn’t notice the things around me. I just sort of shut everything out. I even gave up my studies. I wandered my way back into Europe and London, and passed out the year in this depressed fashion, feeling sorry for myself. But the pain began to numb after about a year, and even though I was certain she would always be on my mind, other things began to grasp my attention. For instance leaving Chiori had reopened my loneliness and I began to realize that I was not in love with Chiori. She had just been there to satisfy my craving for correspondence, and at this I felt so immensely guilty. After all there were more than just physical ways you can hurt humans, and I, who vowed never to harm the innocent, had done exactly that.

The 16th century was changing into the 17th century and with it so was the human’s world perspective. Humans weren’t dull and stupid, and they wanted to learn and explore the world just as much as I did even if it wasn’t as simple for them. Men and women were talking about expeditions to find treasure and riches in the ‘new world’ that had been settled for around eighty years, and still people were taking ships to the new world of America. Of course I had been there myself before and currently it held little interest for me.

There was another change coming about in the human race. They became more logical. The ‘myths’ of vampires became less and less supported, which is obviously because of the vampires struggle to remain unnoticed, and because this world was purely illogical chaos. I decided to resume my medical studies, and get my papers for becoming an acclaimed doctor. These things entered my mind and the distractions almost too easily pushed Chiori out of my mind. I was contemplating the possibilities of the future. If what was once a detested fact became a myth it would only be a few years surely before I would be able to walk with humans unsuspected.

I studied for around five years to earn my official doctors license papers. By this time the changes were coming rapidly. Dates were becoming more and more precisely recorded and full fledged cities had begun to emerge in America. Chiori was always in my guilt, but had been all but forgotten, and I was beginning to be happier. I still didn’t trust myself with human relationships. In-fact I knew that I really never would be able to interact with mortals fully again. It just wasn’t practical. I stayed in London with a permanent job as a doctor, which was a happy achievement to have a permanent home, let alone a permanent job. I became popular in town, and I thought that this was as close as I was going to achieve to happiness in this life. But I’d been proved wrong before. There was always love. Chiori had taught me what I was capable of. I knew I hadn’t even been in love with her, and I knew my heart had the ability to love a thousand more times than that. If anyone would accept me. If anyone would tempt me.