“Are you going to pick that up,” Ashley asked hear eyes scanning the caller Id.

“No, It can wait,” I replied. I can only deal with one person from my past a night and I’m definitely not ready to deal with my family at the moment.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about anything?” Kyla inquired.

“I remembered how to play one of my songs,” I stated vaguely.

“Lets hear it,” Alex said.

“If you have a guitar I’ll play you something when we get out.” We lifted ourselves out of the water to be greeted by the cool evening air. I wrapped a towel around my figure in attempt to create some warmth. Alex and Cara made there way upstairs while I took the downstairs shower. Feeling the warm water running down my skin made me feel like I was washing away my problems. Chlorine was swept down the drain. One thing I’ve always loved about showers is nobody can hear you cry. I could feel the choked out sobs wrack my body. The tears blended with the water leaving no trace of their existence. The warm water started to fade with each passing minute, like reality slowly slipping into the empty voids of time. Only disaster and pain could follow. Slowly reaching the point was almost unbearable. In one quick movement I turned the knob from hot to freezing cold. The water felt like pellets colliding with my body. My body temperature slowly dropped with each bead of water. It’s almost impossible to explain this feeling. I never deserved happiness, because I always destroyed my chance for it. Every time it was in my grasp I found a way to fuck it up. The cold water was like the misery I deserved cascading over my body, reminding me I’m never going to be good enough.

I finally manged to drag myself out of the shower, and get my emotions in check. Ashley gave me a sympathetic look before handing me a guitar.

“Here you go super star.”

Taking a deep breath, I felt myself starting to relive it all… “It’s a lie you never cared. I don’t know what I was thinking, or how that delusion got there. There’s no time for crying. It’s just a sign of weakness. I’ll never beat this, north to south against my wrist. Misinterpret everything I’m trying to explain. Guess I pushed too hard cause I opened up a vein. Not even going to attempt to stop the bleeding. Maybe it’ll finally be me you’re seeing. You’re so innocent so pure. Before anyone can see I’ll wipe away this forbidden tear. Pull down my sleeve down only for it to soak through. It’d be too easy to just blame you. It was requested, but the theory was never tested. Your acting has reached the point of perfection. But tell me does it ever hurt to see your reflection? It’s a lie you never cared. I don’t know what I was thinking, or how that delusion got there. There’s no time for crying. It’s just a sign of weakness. I’ll never beat this, north to south against my wrist. Misinterpret everything I’m trying to explain. Guess I pushed too hard cause I opened up a vein. Not even going to attempt to stop the bleeding. Maybe it’ll finally be me you’re seeing. You deny the truth cause we have no proof. Shatter the mirror, break every window, every picture frame. Please try to refrain. Don’t even whisper her name. If you think I just wanted to get your attention, you’ve never been more wrong. This pain has just been built up to too long. It’s a lie you never cared. I don’t know what I was thinking, or how that delusion got there. There’s no time for crying. It’s just a sign of weakness. I’ll never beat this, north to south against my wrist. Misinterpret everything I’m trying to explain. Guess I pushed too hard cause I opened up a vein. Not even going to attempt to stop the bleeding. Maybe it’ll finally be me you’re seeing. Seeing…seeing…seeing…I’m bleeding.