“Upstairs, last door.” I thanked him as I ran up the stairs. I wasn’t thinking of how I didn’t have any right to be here or that we weren’t even together. My only thoughts where that she was ok because those few minutes in the hospital surpassed all prior terror. I had never been so afraid or lost. Now I just had to see her, at least one more time.

I threw the door open. Under the clean white comforter was Spencer. I rushed over to her. Her perfect pink lips opened and close.

“What are yo-“ My hand slid around her neck, my thumbs rubbing her cheeks. I planted butterfly kisses over her face. “Ashley, stop.”

“Mm nh.” I said as I continued to kiss her. I could feel her try to pull my arms away. “Please… let me have this… I thought… I thought I lost you.” Spencer went almost limp, but I didn’t mind. I just needed to have her in my arms. I’m such a pussy. I started to cry and pulled her small form into mine and just cried. If I had really lost her I would have died. Finally, Spencer’s arm lightly rubbed my back. Tears cascaded down my face.

“Ashley?” I sniffled trying to calm down, but was just met with more tears. “Ash?” I finally pulled myself together. Begrugedly, I untangled my self from Spencer’s warm arms and just sat on her bed. “Ash, Ashley,” she lifted my chin up, “look at me.” And I did. She was pale, too skinny, and empty… because of me. I almost started to cry all over again. “What’s wrong?”

“I- I thought you were gone. When I went to the hospital they said you weren’t there anymore and, Spence, I couldn’t live if you were gone. I need you. I’m so sorry.” A smooth hand caressed my tear stained cheek.

“I checked out.” I laughed pathetically.

“Yeah, I got that a little later.” A small smile graced her lips.

“I’m soo, sooo sorry, Spence.”

“I know.”

“I can fix this.”

“There’s nothing to fix.”

“Us, I can fix us.”

“Ashley…”

“But, I thought you…”

“I do, but you hurt me Ashley.”

“I know, but I’m not going to hurt you again.” Surprisingly dimmed blue eyes looked at me sadly.