Fan Fiction
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Good Bye High School Hello World – (Chapter: Graduated)
" so when are you guys going to be home " Ashley told adian " ill text you when we are coming home ok don’t worry enjoy the party at my place hang with kyla do what ever you want I don’t care just please don’t call me again " Aiden was thinking what the hell was going on and really wanted to know where she was but he had to take her answer
" ok Ashley just call me if you need us ok bye " bye adian " Ashley hanging up,
she started to walk back to the table and cued to the waiter again this time wanting him to bring it out but slowly, Spencer didn’t notice, Ashley placed her hands on Spencer’s hands and looked into her eyes and started to talk "I love you Spencer carling you are my everything you have helped me through things that I know I couldn’t have done without you and now I am her looking at you, your beautiful blue eyes that take my breath away, your beautiful smile that makes me melt every time I see it, and your beautiful body that is always there to support me " as Ashley was talking the waiter came out with a Sundae placing it in-between the two of them with to spoons.
Ashley stopping to let Spencer look at the Sundae, Ashley looking at Spencer’s face as she looked at the Sundae, Spencer was now looking at the Sundae with a big smile on her face and as she was looking at the top of the Sundae, it had whipped cream and fruit but then something caught her eye it wasn’t the cherry or the strawberries that caught it was what was on the strawberry that caught her eye she looked at Ashley blushing then back at the ring she took it in her hand it was a beautiful ring it had 3 little diamonds on either side of a blue emerald in the middle Ashley then taking Spencer’s hand and leaning down on one knee and said nervously " Spencer Carlin I love you and I don’t want to ever let you go again I don’t want to hurt you ever again Spencer carlin will you marry me?"
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I like it however um I would use paragraphs instead of one long passage. It makes it easier to read. Also break it up when they talk so the reader can follow it easier. I like that it’s going to be post high school. The only other thing I would watch out for are the spellings of the characters names. But I honestly think this will be good if you add a few corrections to it. PSMASAP.
I like it. But it needs some editing, which I would be more than happy to do for you. Just email me a wickednwise3@yahoo.com. Great start. PMS!!!
Nice start. It’s Spencer Carlin, by the way. I agree with Neverwithdraw too. I needs more details so the reader can picture it. Good, just needs editing. If you need help, pm me!