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    Growing Up – (Chapter: Desperation)

    Story written on May 11, 2006 by caseygurl.
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    Genre(s): N/A
    Rating: N/A
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 62
    Words: 2144
    Story Shortlink: https://www.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=11623
    Author Notes:

    Heart on the line.

     

                “Goodbye.”  Without hesitating she heads for the door.  When she is almost there, it occurs to me what I have to do; if I can’t say it, I’ll show her.  I take six giant running steps towards her, catching her by surprise as she reaches for the door and I turn her to face me. I do not give her a chance to react before I reach for her face with both hands and pull her into me, catching her lips with mine.  I let go of all my defenses, of all my protective walls and let her feel me as I press into her lips.  I feel her lips part in a silent request for more.  My tongue meets hers in a hurried and sensual dance.  I feel her breathing become deeper; a moan escapes somewhere from the back of her throat.  My hands drop to her waist and I lean my body into hers, pressing the two of us against the door.  She brings one hand to the side of my face and runs the other through my hair.  Our passion multiplies exponentially; our movements become furious.  I bring my hands to the front of her jeans. They are shaking so much that unbuttoning her pants is an uncommonly difficult task. Finally, I am able to release the small metal disk and I hear an unmistakable cry of deep want.  I slide her zipper down feverishly and I bring my hand back up to run my fingers along the waistband of her underwear.  I feel her hand clench in my hair and read this as a cue to proceed.  I position my hand at an angle to slide down easily, when I feel her hand pulling my hair backward.  She breaks the kiss and we both take several deep, calming breaths.  She looks down and from the current contact my hand has with her skin, I can feel her begin to tremble.  “I can’t do this.”  She whispers, her voice barely audible.  With my opposite hand I pull her chin up so I can look into her eyes and say the words I have buried in my soul. 

     

                “I’m so in love with you.  I always have been.”  I am not ready to give up without a fight.  I lean into her neck, pulling a large section of skin into my mouth while sucking gently and caressing my tongue along her sensitive spot.  My hand resumes its journey.  I feel her radiating heat the closer I get to my goal.  I feel her hand pulling me further into her neck and I close the remaining inches left between my hand and her center.  But suddenly she clasps my wrist tightly, stopping the forward progression of my hand.  I rest my forehead on her shoulder and smother a deep sigh into her neck; afraid of what I will see if I look into her eyes.  She slowly pulls my hand away and allows it to fall to my side.  Her grip eases from my hair as I take an agonizing step back with my head hanging. Tears return to my eyes when I finally drag my gaze up to meet hers.

     

                “I’m sorry.”  Her sincerity and more painfully, her regret, show clearly on her face.  It was not her intention to lead me on, but I had not given her an option.  “I have to go.”  She says the words but remains still.  I feel the distance between us growing even though neither of us has moved an inch.

     

                “Spencer, please don’t leave.”  I feel that if she walks out that door, she is walking out of my life forever.  Judging by the look on her face, she knows what I am thinking and worse yet, she knows it’s true.  She takes the step toward me, leans in and places the most delicate kiss on my lips.  Pulling back, she takes one last look into my eyes. 

     

                “Goodbye Ashley.”  She drops her head again before walking out, leaving me only with the tormented sounds of my choked sobs.  I finally had put my heart on the line and look where it has gotten me.

     

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    Comments

    2. Oh come on! I had just gotten out of the hospital. I hadn’t even unpacked yet, man, are you kidding? And now here I am, typing this from the stretcher as they wheel me back in to the emergency room. Heart attack number 7, thanks a lot caseygurl. Anyway, this is an awesome chapter. Just awesome and heartbreaking and beautiful.

    3. ok so i was actually choking when i read this…i took a drink of water…and i choked on it!…ok so i love you…hate you and want to choke you the same way this story made me choke…but im a reasonable person and im sure that you are too…so therefore you have to continue with this well written masterpiece in action…please i beg of thee..post more SOON!…oh and sorry i havent really commented on the last few chapters…my parental units were being asses so i couldnt get on..w/e, you know im still your number 1 fan… : )

    4. nOoo…you’re so mean…*tears coming out*…how could spencer be so insensitive ??? it’s so damn frustrating that ashley finally opens up about her feelings… only to get a stab at her heart !!! c’mon, there HAS to be something else ashley could do to keep spencer…anything…!! gosh, you have to post real soon !!! i don’t think my heart can take it….T_T

    5. ok i love you!! you know that right?? sooo ima quote you… “…Jesse has not yet disclosed to Spencer that will lead to their demise” …and im goin to hold u to that! lolzlove this chapture… i hit the damn computer again dont leave me haning for too long pleeeeaaaaassssseeeee

    6. “I can actually hear the sound of my heart breaking”. As I read this chapter, I swear I could hear my heart breaking too. You continue to amaze me with this awesome story. Please make this right between Spence and Ash, and please, please post again soon!!

    7. I’m not going to lie….every time i checked this site i hope to read this story, and everytime i get my hopes to be let down!!! You break my heart!!!! Great story, can’t wait to see what happens next with Ashley!!

    8. I’m too sleepy to deal with this kind of emotional turmoil. I am too exhausted to fully comprehend. And now I’m going to have to close my office door.. leaving my staff confused, thinking that I’m pissed at them.. but really, I don’t want them to see me crying! Wonderful chapter. Please post more, sure it may be ripping my heart out, but I just keep NEEDING more! Thank you, caseygurl.

    9. I’m so proud of Ashley for finally revealing her true feelings to Spencer. I’m so proud of her that I wish I could give her a pat on the ass…I mean…back. Ok, I really mean to say ass. I’m not mad at Spencer for reacting the way she did. She was probably a little bit in shock, so I understand. She just needs some time to process everything. And did you say that Jesse is hiding info from Spencer that leads to their demise? I KNEW that dumb Jesse was hiding something! And I’ve never been more in love with the word “demise”. GREAT JOB, caseygirl! Can’t wait for the next post!

    17. this is great. I love when people don’t pair these to right away. it give’s you so much to build on and so much to look forward to. At the same time this chapter made me sad. Damn. Your a really good writter. Anyways hope you post more very very soon. cant wait.

    18. You know you really have my heart on strings,here!!!!!Constantly pulling them from side to side…JUST when I think that …they have a chance..This comes up..” “I can’t do this.” She whispers, her voice barely audible…and ..PRETTY MUCH..”goaskalice” says it the best…”Heart attack number 7″…As always you have wriiten a fabulous chapter..and..I can’t wait for the next one…and the next one…You ROCK!!!..Post soon!!!

    19. a week man. a week. that was harsh. but i forgive you because i love your writing. har. dl why by jason aldean, the chorus is the epitome of ashley. see what you’ve done? i can’t even be at peace when i listen to my ipod because i’m always thinking…i wonder if caseygurl updated her fanfic yet. i used to be a fully functioning member of society but now i’ve been reduced to a bumbling mess. thanks caseygurl. thanks alot! now you could easily restore me to my former glory if you just send me your fanfic in its entirety. No? well..it was worth a try.

    21. i really don’t know what to say, i suppose i should say something like: “my heart is breaking” but i like to be original and this would be like what? repitition #10^6, but seriously man, you better become a doctor or something because you are constantly sending peoiple to the hospital with your stories. Not me though, i have faith in you, i just enjoy your stories too much. And I will not disclose the secret about Jesse… even though is obvious from the other chapters, that stupid BOT

    22. Memo to self: Although it is exciting to discover that a new chapter to this kick-ass story has been posted, stop reading them at work. It won’t go over well when you have to explain to your boss that you’re crying due to fanfic.

    23. Gah! *grabs chest* So…utterly…heartbreaking. Poor Ashley, she was already fucked up, now after this….I don’t know what she’s gonna do. Spencer wanted it, she knew she did. Man, that fucking sux! Update again soon.

    25. ok this is my review #2 as i promised… wtf Spencer? didn’t you want ashley to tell you what’s wrong and then you leave her still? she just told you she is in love with you DAMN IT! you better win her back once jess-bot breaks down on the springer show. Ashley try to move on into sara she seems fun. Really spencer I’m so mad at you right now. Aughhhhh. And to the author aughhhh tooo. you write so well that I wish i could slapsome sence into spencer

    27. Oh come on! I had just gotten out of the hospital. I hadn’t even unpacked yet, man, are you kidding? And now here I am, typing this from the stretcher as they wheel me back in to the emergency room. Heart attack number 7, thanks a lot caseygurl. Anyway, this is an awesome chapter. Just awesome and heartbreaking and beautiful.

    28. ok so i was actually choking when i read this…i took a drink of water…and i choked on it!…ok so i love you…hate you and want to choke you the same way this story made me choke…but im a reasonable person and im sure that you are too…so therefore you have to continue with this well written masterpiece in action…please i beg of thee..post more SOON!…oh and sorry i havent really commented on the last few chapters…my parental units were being asses so i couldnt get on..w/e, you know im still your number 1 fan… : )

    29. nOoo…you’re so mean…*tears coming out*…how could spencer be so insensitive ??? it’s so damn frustrating that ashley finally opens up about her feelings… only to get a stab at her heart !!! c’mon, there HAS to be something else ashley could do to keep spencer…anything…!! gosh, you have to post real soon !!! i don’t think my heart can take it….T_T

    30. ok i love you!! you know that right?? sooo ima quote you… “…Jesse has not yet disclosed to Spencer that will lead to their demise” …and im goin to hold u to that! lolzlove this chapture… i hit the damn computer again dont leave me haning for too long pleeeeaaaaassssseeeee

    31. “I can actually hear the sound of my heart breaking”. As I read this chapter, I swear I could hear my heart breaking too. You continue to amaze me with this awesome story. Please make this right between Spence and Ash, and please, please post again soon!!

    32. I’m not going to lie….every time i checked this site i hope to read this story, and everytime i get my hopes to be let down!!! You break my heart!!!! Great story, can’t wait to see what happens next with Ashley!!

    33. I’m too sleepy to deal with this kind of emotional turmoil. I am too exhausted to fully comprehend. And now I’m going to have to close my office door.. leaving my staff confused, thinking that I’m pissed at them.. but really, I don’t want them to see me crying! Wonderful chapter. Please post more, sure it may be ripping my heart out, but I just keep NEEDING more! Thank you, caseygurl.

    34. I’m so proud of Ashley for finally revealing her true feelings to Spencer. I’m so proud of her that I wish I could give her a pat on the ass…I mean…back. Ok, I really mean to say ass. I’m not mad at Spencer for reacting the way she did. She was probably a little bit in shock, so I understand. She just needs some time to process everything. And did you say that Jesse is hiding info from Spencer that leads to their demise? I KNEW that dumb Jesse was hiding something! And I’ve never been more in love with the word “demise”. GREAT JOB, caseygirl! Can’t wait for the next post!

    42. this is great. I love when people don’t pair these to right away. it give’s you so much to build on and so much to look forward to. At the same time this chapter made me sad. Damn. Your a really good writter. Anyways hope you post more very very soon. cant wait.

    43. You know you really have my heart on strings,here!!!!!Constantly pulling them from side to side…JUST when I think that …they have a chance..This comes up..” “I can’t do this.” She whispers, her voice barely audible…and ..PRETTY MUCH..”goaskalice” says it the best…”Heart attack number 7″…As always you have wriiten a fabulous chapter..and..I can’t wait for the next one…and the next one…You ROCK!!!..Post soon!!!

    44. a week man. a week. that was harsh. but i forgive you because i love your writing. har. dl why by jason aldean, the chorus is the epitome of ashley. see what you’ve done? i can’t even be at peace when i listen to my ipod because i’m always thinking…i wonder if caseygurl updated her fanfic yet. i used to be a fully functioning member of society but now i’ve been reduced to a bumbling mess. thanks caseygurl. thanks alot! now you could easily restore me to my former glory if you just send me your fanfic in its entirety. No? well..it was worth a try.

    46. i really don’t know what to say, i suppose i should say something like: “my heart is breaking” but i like to be original and this would be like what? repitition #10^6, but seriously man, you better become a doctor or something because you are constantly sending peoiple to the hospital with your stories. Not me though, i have faith in you, i just enjoy your stories too much. And I will not disclose the secret about Jesse… even though is obvious from the other chapters, that stupid BOT

    47. Memo to self: Although it is exciting to discover that a new chapter to this kick-ass story has been posted, stop reading them at work. It won’t go over well when you have to explain to your boss that you’re crying due to fanfic.

    48. Gah! *grabs chest* So…utterly…heartbreaking. Poor Ashley, she was already fucked up, now after this….I don’t know what she’s gonna do. Spencer wanted it, she knew she did. Man, that fucking sux! Update again soon.

    50. ok this is my review #2 as i promised… wtf Spencer? didn’t you want ashley to tell you what’s wrong and then you leave her still? she just told you she is in love with you DAMN IT! you better win her back once jess-bot breaks down on the springer show. Ashley try to move on into sara she seems fun. Really spencer I’m so mad at you right now. Aughhhhh. And to the author aughhhh tooo. you write so well that I wish i could slapsome sence into spencer

    51. AAaaahhhhhh!! That seemed to be the first thing that came to my mind after I read this! Why must you do this to us! It’s okay, you know what, I am going to wait for the Jerry Springer episode you have been talked about…I know there is something up with that Jess girl, we haven’t heard much about her, so there is a lot to work with!! Do the damn thang girl and post SOON!!

    52. AAaaahhhhhh!! That seemed to be the first thing that came to my mind after I read this! Why must you do this to us! It’s okay, you know what, I am going to wait for the Jerry Springer episode you have been talked about…I know there is something up with that Jess girl, we haven’t heard much about her, so there is a lot to work with!! Do the damn thang girl and post SOON!!

    55. OMG what are you doing to me. Its making me sooooooooo sad but I hope that it will brighten up but dont leave me waiting too long. I need a fix already!

    56. OMG what are you doing to me. Its making me sooooooooo sad but I hope that it will brighten up but dont leave me waiting too long. I need a fix already!

    57. Awwww….**shaking head**that is so bloody wrong case…but I loved it. Hmmm, must have some S&M in me somewhere I guess. Poor Ash, my heart is breaking for her, but I still have Hope (he’s in my closet)…cheers mate!!

    58. Awwww….**shaking head**that is so bloody wrong case…but I loved it. Hmmm, must have some S&M in me somewhere I guess. Poor Ash, my heart is breaking for her, but I still have Hope (he’s in my closet)…cheers mate!!

    59. Spencer is hurt, I accept that, time will heal the pain but I don’t even wanna think about those two breaking up for good!!! give us more hope… please?

    60. Spencer is hurt, I accept that, time will heal the pain but I don’t even wanna think about those two breaking up for good!!! give us more hope… please?

    61. Oh wow. That was… I don’t have the words to decribe what that was. Just, wow. Beautiful writing. There’s tears in my eyes. I hardly ever get teary-eyed reading fic! You are a damn fine writer, caseygurl. Damn fine. This story is so good — the best! You’re the best. I cannot wait to read more… Thank you for the update. :)

    62. Oh wow. That was… I don’t have the words to decribe what that was. Just, wow. Beautiful writing. There’s tears in my eyes. I hardly ever get teary-eyed reading fic! You are a damn fine writer, caseygurl. Damn fine. This story is so good — the best! You’re the best. I cannot wait to read more… Thank you for the update. :)

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