i stared intently at spencer, half wishing that i had kept this to myself. more tears flowed from my eyes. regret started to creep through my mind.

"spence, please… say something…" my voice was barely a whisper. she got up and walked a few paces towards her house. another wave of sobs racked my body. feeling defeated and rejected, i slowly stood up, folded my blanket and turned to spencer.

"i’m sorry if this hurts or upsets you… i had to be honest spence… i had to. i’m so… so sorry." i could barely get the words out, i was sobbing uncontrollably now. i headed for my car, wishing i could take it all back. i knew in my heart though, if i couldn’t be with spencer then i didn’t want her around at all. it was torture to not be able to hold her whenever i wanted. i tossed the blanket into the back seat and started around the side of the car.

"ash…" i heard spencer whisper from behind me. i turned quickly to look at her. even though it was dark i could still see the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"i… can’t ash… i can’t love you…" the words stung my heart and it took all i could to keep from collapsing into a heap of sobs.

"i just can’t… i’m sorry." and with that i watched her run into the house and slam the door behind her. i stood there, shock and pain flooding through my body. the love of my life rejected me. i collapsed, letting the tears flow freely.