My mind is pacing on the way home, like it always does, so I turn the radio up and try to get lost in the song. It’s an upbeat tune, and you know how it is when you’re in the bad mood, you don’t want to hear some shit song about how great life is. Yet, it just seemed like that’s all the radio was playing, either that or love songs.

And love songs were even worse.

I run my hand through my hair before I enter my home. I adjust the mirror in the car so that I can admire my whole face. It cant be obvious that I was out fucking. I am usually pretty good at covering it up though, I don’t believe she suspects a thing, which kind of makes me happy a little.

As I turn the doorknob, I pray that she is fast asleep, so I don’t have to answer any of her questions, which I know she will have. After all, it’s two in the morning and I didn’t call or anything.

Sure enough, I hear the "Ashley?" when I shut the door.

My body slowly makes it way into our room, just slowly though because I’m dreading facing the lovely lady. Not because she will realize what I have been doing, but because it kills me to see her beautiful face sometimes.

"Yeah?"

When I am fully in the room, I see her lying underneath the covers, with her glasses on. She has the televison on but she doesn’t look like shes paying attention and the volume is real low. She leans up a little so that she can face me. This is the part that rips my cold heart out of my chest.

She’s gorgeous. And I love her. And she appears to be so tired and sleepy and I know its because of me. It’s because she stayed up past her bedtime to wait for me.

"Where were you? You didn’t call…." I can barely hear her, she is so tired, "I was worried."

I position myself close to her and reach over for the remote. When the program is off, I run my fingers along her delicate face. I watch in amazement as her eyes close and her head falls back into the soft pillow. My head falls down, trying to get close to her ear. I gently take her glasses off for her.

I kiss her ear a little and she moans but again, you can barely hear it. "I’m sorry, I got caught up at work and forgot, babe."

"I was worried," she repeats and I wish she would just stop talking and fall asleep.

"I know, I’m sorry. But, I’m here now, so go to sleep, okay?"

I dont think she is listening to me anymore. She shouldnt have stayed up this late, she has to get up early for work. Even after her head hits the pillow, I allow my hand to caress her soft cheeks. Every once in a while, I kiss her cheek or her arm or her neck. Her skin is lovely and smooth.

"I love you, Spencer," I whisper, but I dont think she hears me because she doesnt respond and her eyes are shut. I hope that she heard me though. I hope that she knows I love her and that nobody compares to her. That shes absolutely amazing and she is my everything.

And as I’m falling asleep, I wonder, if she is all those things, then why do I continue to cheat on her? I cringe and I know that she deserves someone so much better then Ashley Davies.