“Spence, I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to say it right now. It’s a really big deal for me.”

“Ashley, it’s a really big deal for a lot of people,” Spencer replied.

“I know, I know, you’re right. I guess, like you said, I don’t want to say anything that I don’t mean.”

Spencer’s eyes closed, as if she was holding back tears.

“Spence, you know…”

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s ok. Don’t worry about it,” Spencer lied, sliding off of the bed.

“What are you doing?” Ashley asked, sitting up.

“I’m just…I need to use your bathroom. I’m fine,” Spencer replied, closing the bathroom door behind her.

She didn’t know what to do…what to say…how to feel. She knew that it would be difficult getting Ashley to open up to her. So, what exactly was she expecting? That the minute she and Ashley had the title of “girlfriends”, Ashley would completely trust her with everything that she felt? No, Spencer knew better because Spencer knew Ashley. She knew that Ashley loved her, after all, she had come very close to telling her before. So why couldn’t she tell her now?

“Spencer, are you sure you’re ok in there?” Ashley asked from the room, nearly smiling at the irony.

“Yes, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Ashley knew that there was no chance that Spencer was ok. She saw the tears nearly fall, heard the disappointment in her voice, and she cursed herself for her inability to express herself emotionally. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Spencer, it was that she didn’t trust her feelings-ever.

Suddenly Spencer appeared from the bathroom, her face unreadable.

“Hey…” Ashley said as Spencer made her way towards the bed.

“Hey,” the blonde replied, allowing a slight smile to grace her lips.

“I’d ask you if you’re ok, but I think we’ve worn that question out today.”

“I guess we have,” Spencer replied with a laugh.

They sat in silence for a moment before Ashley leaned in, kissing Spencer with an urgency that caught her completely by surprise. As the kiss deepened, Ashley leaned into Spencer even further, causing her to lie flat against the bed. She slipped her hands underneath Spencer’s shirt, further enticed when Spencer allowed herself to release a low, guttural moan. Ashley wasted not a minute more before she unbuttoned Spencer’s pants, sliding them quickly down and throwing them to the floor.