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North of Somewhere: All Grown Up – (Chapter: Fall At Her Feet…)
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Ashley nodded, shifting her weight uncomfortably.
“And I thought, if you weren’t sure…if you had to sleep with Erin…why was I so sure that we were meant to be? Maybe I was being stupid. And then you and I…we were over. You were still in my life. You were still my best friend and before I knew it, I wanted you all over again. I was living with Lindsay, but my heart was still with you. Of course, you were with Erin again, but none of that mattered at the time. We gave it another shot and I was happier than ever. We were so in love then. We would spend our Sundays in bed watching old movies and making love until it was dark and then we would wonder where the day had gone.”
Ashley smiled at the memory, “I still don’t know where all that time went.”
“And there wasn’t a single minute that I doubted our future together. We were so good for each other. You knew me. I knew you. I knew just by your eyes when you were happy or sad or hurt…I knew when you were falling out of love with me,” Spencer said, biting her bottom lip before continuing, “then we didn’t talk for a few years. We finally spoke on a Wednesday. You had just finished grad school a month before and I had gotten my first permanent job at the school. As soon as you walked into that coffee shop I knew we deserved another chance. But you were focused on other things. And that was ok. I mean, it hurt. It hurt a lot. But I got over it. I met Rachel. She was everything that you weren’t. She was ready to settle down, she was practical, she was secure…she was safe. And I knew that I didn’t love her enough to ever give her the power to hurt me. I couldn’t take anymore heartache. Eventually I even patched things up with Lindsay. Everything was fine…stable…boring. Then there you were again. That’s all it took to destroy my happy little façade.”
“I apologize if I…”
“No,” Spencer said, cutting her off before she could give an apology they both knew she didn’t owe, “I’ve done all of this to myself. I can’t blame it on you. I can’t blame it on Lindsay or Rachel or Glen’s death…this was all me this time. All me. And now I’ve managed to lose you again. I don’t know how…I don’t know how I let it happen, but I did. Yes, I needed space. I don’t regret that. My mistake was allowing Lindsay to force me into making that decision. I should have been the one who finally realized it, without having someone lie…lie and tell me that they were still in love with me. It shouldn’t have had anything to do with her. Either way, I’ve had that space now for the last four months. I know what I want even if I can’t have it and that’s you. I don’t deserve you. There was a time when I did but that time has come and gone. So, I just want you to know that Spencer Carlin finally came to her senses…even if I am several chances too late. And I love you. Oh God, you have no idea how much I love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that makes you feel the way you make me feel. I want you to find someone that knows how to appreciate you. You’re such a good person, Ashley. I’m so proud of you. You deserve a person that you can be proud of too. Maybe one day you’ll forgive me enough to want me as a friend and I’ll be the best friend you ever had…because I’ll be waiting for your call or your letter or your e-mail and I’ll know exactly what to do. And I’ll support you, and I’ll love you, and I’ll invite you and this woman—whoever she is—over for dinner and we’ll laugh and we’ll both talk about how much you mean to us. I’ll never try to make you come back to me. I promise. Because I’ll know that I’m not what’s best for you. I’ll know you’re happy without me. Maybe one day I’ll be happy too.”
Spencer’s voice broke on the last word and the tears fell again for the millionth time since she had known Ashley Davies. She couldn’t help it. She felt like she had lost a piece of her that was so significant, she didn’t know how she could survive without it.
“Spencer…” Ashley said, hesitantly closing the gap between them and softly wiping away the tears, “it’s ok.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not. I hurt you, Ashley. You shouldn’t have to comfort me.”
“Maybe I will move on. Maybe you’re right. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to have you in my life again. But whatever happens, there’s one thing that won’t change. I’ll never be able to stand in front of you and watch you cry and not take that pain on with you. It’ll never happen. I love you too much to watch you while you’re hurting and do nothing.”
Spencer allowed Ashley to hold her, slipping her arms weakly around her waist in an effort not to fall at her feet.
To be continued…
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geez way to go goaskalice you made me cry which i have to say is hard to do. man i had to graba box of tissue my mom walked by and she thinks i had a fight with my gf. you… you are a (sniff) great writer plz (wipes away tears) update soon. oh man where did the tissue go?
That was so sad! I loved Spencer’s speech to Ashley. It’s time she finally realized how stupid she was being. Isn’t that what true love is though? Loving someone so much that you’re willing to let them go so they can be happy. That would be the ultimate selfless act for Spencer. But I don’t want it to be over for them. I don’t want Ashley to move on with someone else. Spencer should have to work hard to get Ashley back but they do have to get back together. I really, really loved this update.
geez way to go goaskalice you made me cry which i have to say is hard to do. man i had to graba box of tissue my mom walked by and she thinks i had a fight with my gf. you… you are a (sniff) great writer plz (wipes away tears) update soon. oh man where did the tissue go?
That was so sad! I loved Spencer’s speech to Ashley. It’s time she finally realized how stupid she was being. Isn’t that what true love is though? Loving someone so much that you’re willing to let them go so they can be happy. That would be the ultimate selfless act for Spencer. But I don’t want it to be over for them. I don’t want Ashley to move on with someone else. Spencer should have to work hard to get Ashley back but they do have to get back together. I really, really loved this update.
holy fuckin shit…lol that was intense! spencer’s speeches just…wow…seriously post more as soon as you can…i’m totally pumped for the next chapter! amazing work!
holy fuckin shit…lol that was intense! spencer’s speeches just…wow…seriously post more as soon as you can…i’m totally pumped for the next chapter! amazing work!
Thanks for the second post tonight. Intensity level pretty high in this post! Spencer & Ashley are meant to be, no matter what they go through they always end back in each others arms…now that’s true love pure and simple. Extraordinary writing…heartfelt and appreciated. PMS
Thanks for the second post tonight. Intensity level pretty high in this post! Spencer & Ashley are meant to be, no matter what they go through they always end back in each others arms…now that’s true love pure and simple. Extraordinary writing…heartfelt and appreciated. PMS
Nothing but love. They truly love each other. To be willing to give each other up for the other’s happiness…now that’s love… but please put them back together…they’ve been through so much… I can deal with several fluff chapters…*smile*
Nothing but love. They truly love each other. To be willing to give each other up for the other’s happiness…now that’s love… but please put them back together…they’ve been through so much… I can deal with several fluff chapters…*smile*
ASDFJOIJAPKSEDNMBV!!!!! Oh man… I dont even know what to say…its crazy this fanfic…you know that? I’ve been following it for over a year now it seems and it just gets better and better. I completely understand how Ash and Spence can respect each other’s lives yet not intervien….ironic how things work eh? Oh well…AMAZING post! I absolutely loved it…PLEASE POST MORE SOON!
ASDFJOIJAPKSEDNMBV!!!!! Oh man… I dont even know what to say…its crazy this fanfic…you know that? I’ve been following it for over a year now it seems and it just gets better and better. I completely understand how Ash and Spence can respect each other’s lives yet not intervien….ironic how things work eh? Oh well…AMAZING post! I absolutely loved it…PLEASE POST MORE SOON!
Great update. Keep up the good work. Can’t wait for the next chapter. PMS real Soon.
Great update. Keep up the good work. Can’t wait for the next chapter. PMS real Soon.
okay… its not good to make me cry at work…lol but that was freaking awesome… if ashley doesnt take spencer back i’ll jump into the computer and do it for her..lol i get that spence hurt ash, but the fact that spencer finally realized it all, and admitted it… that has to count for A LOT!!! love the story, and keep posting, i want to read it soon, so dont wait long to post.
okay… its not good to make me cry at work…lol but that was freaking awesome… if ashley doesnt take spencer back i’ll jump into the computer and do it for her..lol i get that spence hurt ash, but the fact that spencer finally realized it all, and admitted it… that has to count for A LOT!!! love the story, and keep posting, i want to read it soon, so dont wait long to post.
… wow… nice
… wow… nice