“Sushi Wednesdays” She said quietly, seeing the flicker of excitement on my face when I looked at our trays. “I got you your California roll and poked out the crab for you, like you always do” She smiled, having no idea what she was doing to me. Her kind and personal gesture triggered the flare of guilt that had been threatening to explode all day.  My stomach felt like it had just dropped onto the hard concrete ground. My forehead began to burn. My heart felt like it had just been twisted and wrung like a wet towel. Avery had been nothing but kind to me, and here I was…. Doing what? It suddenly struck me that I hadn’t done anything that was actually wrong. I had barely talked to Ashley, let alone touched her or anything else. Both the faces of Avery and Ashley taunted me, seeming to battle one another for dominant presence in my mind. It occurred to me that my guilt probably stemmed from the fact that Avery wasn’t the only face on my mind. Avery deserved my whole mind. My whole heart. I wanted to give them to her so badly. For that instant, I loathed Ashley Davies for stealing what should belong to Avery. That small rational voice though, piped up once again, chiming in that they were not stolen, but given away. I smacked that little voice down – hating Ashley was easier than loving her, despite what an untrue substitute sentiment it was.

“Thanks”, I said, trying to come back to the present. I sat down and picked up my first piece of sushi. We ate in silence for a few minutes. I wondered what she was thinking about – I obviously had enough to consume my mind with, but I couldn’t help but wonder what went on behind those eyes. She looked very pensive. Every time I looked up at her, I would swear that she looked down. Was she studying me or something? My answer came soon enough.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s been eating you these last couple days?”

She had finally asked. I knew she was going to eventually, but I didn’t quite prepare for it. My mind, which for the last few days had not ceased to race, suddenly became blank. What do I say to her? For a moment I debated telling her everything. Coming clean. Maybe omitting the part about me still loving Ashley. Ugh, but that was the entire problem. Even the mention of Ashley would probably worry Avery – she knew what Ashley did to me. She had to pick up the pieces, after all. So what do I say?