This cut on my arm……… it’s more of a reminder of both of our mistakes. It’s a reminder of the greatest pain of all, and how the past few weeks have torn me apart. Not all the damage is on my arm and heart though; my drinking has taken a toll on my liver and stomach. I can’t eat much anymore, which is why I’m losing my figure. It sickens me, and so I drink more. Everything has become an excuse to drink myself dumb.

She doesn’t know though, she never has and never will I thought, but she nees to know, she has the right.

By the time afternoon rolls around and she comes back though I am asleep. My thoughts have taken a lot out of me and remembering the past I have burried deep didn’t either.

When I wake up her head is laying next to my hand and I can’t help rubbing her smooth hair. She wakes slowly and smiles at me with fear.

"Hey," I whisper to her. She quickly moves and wipes slobber off of her face. I smile at her….

"So, what was that this morning?" she jumps right into it.

"Sit down," I gently say.

"No," is her only reply, that and folding her arms to show me she won’t budge. But I know what to say to get her to sit.

I point to my arm, "This isn’t the first." She just looks at me with the same face. "I used to cut myself all the time, multipule times a day. Then I did drugs and then got to drinking, then I combined them all…… and then I dropped all of that for sex. I mixed all of them eventually cause after awhile nothing helped." I say it as casual as I can, I can’t break.

She’s sitting down now with her hand resting on her forehead. "This is what this morning was all about?"

"Sort of."

"Well, tell me what that was about Ashley, because I wo-"

"Won’t be here to listen to the past? My past where I left myself broken and bleeding a million times over? When I was a cutter slash druggie slash alcoholic slash sex addict?"