“Hey,” I almost whispered.  There was a certain fear in my stomach and as it worked its way through my veins I felt sick. What would she think of me if she knew the truth? What would she do if I told her? I simply couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Hi. So what’s got you up at four in the morning?” she said in the same quiet tone I had used.  Her eyes flashed away from mine and held their gaze out on the ocean as though she was unsure what she would find if she kept looking at me.  I wasn’t sure myself.

“I was just thinking about what you said. I get it, you know.  Part of me saw you pulling away; I just didn’t want to admit it.  I didn’t want to allow myself to believe that you hadn’t changed from the girl who just ran when things got tough.  But it wasn’t fair for me to expect you to have changed when I didn’t change myself,” it was true.  Somehow I had gotten it in my head that two broken people could fix one another instead of just tinkering around with tools they didn’t know how to use.

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better

Oh oh, things are gonna change

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you

Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through

Dismantle me down (repair)

You dismantle me

You dismantle me

“I know.  I shouldn’t have expected you to change me.  I needed someone who wouldn’t look past what I was doing wrong.  You were too perfect; you didn’t expect me to get better because you loved me just as I was.  But I needed someone who loved me for who I could be, someone who could help me get there,” she then continued to tell me about Vanessa.  I felt an unfamiliar pang of jealousy shoot through me, until she explained the nature of their relationship.  We continued to talk about everything, my family, what life had been like while the other wasn’t there.  Then she came to the subject of my girlfriend, and I had every intention of avoiding any condemning truth that could possibly come out.