‘I fucked the Teacher,’ I said not looking at her as I took another drag.

‘I thought you wanted to fuck her?’ She asked, confused and passed the joint back to me.

‘Well I did. But then I didn’t. And now I don’t know’ I rambled without making any sense, I knew it wasn’t just the drug confusing me, I just had no idea how I felt about it at all.

‘I have an idea,’ Mads started, ‘how about we smoke our asses off and relax a bit and we can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sober OK?’

‘You’re the best friend,’ I said smiling at her, she just nodded and then went to our stash for more weed and put some music on.

We were lying on the couch, listening to ‘Never Run From Jah’ by Queen Omega and all my thoughts were slowly disappearing.

xxx

I was on the roof, chilling and knocking back my beer. I could hear Brit and Kate laughing at some movie, or maybe Yay had got home but I hadn’t seen her come up the road.

My thoughts were disconnected but not random, they all focused on Ashley. Why the hell had I let her fuck me like that? Oh! I remember now, because it had felt so damn good and I just couldn’t fight it. But she was just a kid, why had I let her take control like that? Again, same answer. I had no choice. And damn had she fucked me good but I also knew I had got to her, otherwise she would have stayed and gloated, not run.

I didn’t know how I had got to her though. Had it been lust, fear, hate? Out of that list I preferred lust but we all know nothing is ever that simple. I suddenly realized that the thought of Ashley hating me actually scared me. I wanted to feel like that again, to feel her inside me again and that also scared me. Terrified me because for the first time in my life I wasn’t in control of my body, it craved more than sex, it craved her.