June 11, 2005 3:55 pm EST

Mom riffles through her bag frantically trying to get her cell phone out of her not so small purse as she drives our van back to our house in Ohio.

Glen is in the back singing along to some Def Leopard song while he air guitars.

 Clay, sitting next to him, is desperately trying to drown him out, but loses the battle and puts his book down.

And I sit in the front seat, window rolled down, making hand waves through the air.

The phone has been ringing  and ringing and ringing…and then it stops. She doesn’t get to her caller in time.

I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, goose bumps erupt over my arms, and I feel a slight twinge in my heart. What’s wrong with me?

Spencer: “Shut up Glen! “ I yell holding my now pounding head.

Glen: Make me!

I yell at him, he yells back, mom shuts off the radio, we still yell, Clay yells, I feel lightheaded and dizzy. Mom doesn’t check her message. Glen and I are still fighting, Clay is still yelling at us to stop. We pull into our driveway. Clay is the first out of the car closely followed by a pissed off Glen and a now irritated mom. I shakily try to open the door but fumble with the handle.

Paula: “Spencer what’s wrong?” She has opened the door and is looking at me with real concern.

Paula: “Spencer you’re really pale. Come in the house, lie down, and I’ll get you some water.”

She didn’t check her message. She was concerned for me and forgot all about it. By the time she did…it was too late. The position was filled.

September 1, 2005 7:05 am EST.

 I could not fathom that I would ever be without your love 

Never imagined I’d be sitting here beside myself

‘Cause I didn’t know you, ’cause I didn’t know me

But I thought I knew everything

I never felt

The feeling that I’m feeling now that I don’t hear your voice

Or have your touch and kiss your lips ’cause I don’t have a choice

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have you lying by my side