“I do.”

These are the thoughts that keep my mind occupied still. It’s as if I can’t forget. This one moment in all of our shared moments, this one circumstance in all of my ill-fated circumstances and still, this is the one that remains. It blinks in and out of my limited focus as I watch my daughter walk towards me. She wears a hesitant smile and she looks like she did when I left her.

I can see that as well. A more innocent, youthful version of Maggie, clutching Spencer’s hand as she watches me from the street. I can make out her expression through the glass window, confused and frightened as her mother sits cuffed in a police car. It made me feel the way I knew I should.

I felt like a monster.

Now she sits across from me and I feel like a mother. She brings her problems to me. Her complaints. Her first year of college has gone my slowly for her and quickly for me. I try to preserve her as long as I can, anxious to keep her from aging. One day I’ll be on the other side and I’ll have missed so many years.

So much growth.

So many moments.

“I can’t believe we’ll only be doing this for another couple of years.”

“I know. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?”

“It was weird…with Dad.”

“He wasn’t in very long.”

“I know…just a few years. But it was weird, you know? It’s still weird, actually.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s still so quiet. So serious. Like he hasn’t forgiven himself yet or something.”

“He needs to do that. Regret is hard to live with…and guilt.”

“Well, whatever. You want to get the update or what?”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Okay, so Grandma is good. She says to tell you hello.”

“She’s hating retirement, I bet.”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Your aunt used to talk about how restless she was.”

“She is. She really is.”

“How’s Arthur?”

“I see him once a week at his apartment. He seems lonely but he swears he’s not.”

“You should visit him more, maybe?”

“No time. I’ve got school.”

“How is it?”

“School?” she asks, smiling a little bit.

“Of course.”