I must admit things don’t come easy anymore. It’s funny how much clothes can make the person. I definitely don’t dress the way I used to. Not because I don’t want to. It’s just that sometimes the stores just don’t have things available for my size now and then if they do, it just doesn’t look right, you know. And I may be overweight but I am still a classy girl. I can’t just accept anything. But who cares, no one would love me anyway. You never meet those kind of people who love someone unconditionally anymore. I just don’t believe that they exist. Simply an overused phrase that therapists have adopted to make you feel better and to keep the checks coming.

*****

The ride home from class was quiet. A few girls on the commuter bus were snickering about me but like I said I’m used to it. Although it has become a familiar routine for me, I still don’t get why people do it. I’m not this hideous monster, there’s just more of me. For goodness sakes, weight doesn’t ever make a person less human.

“Spencer, is that you?”

“Yes mom,” I shouted trying to scurry up to my room.

“Wait … Wait… before you go up, let’s talk”

Oh so here we go again. The usual you should get out more and start dating talk.

“Mom, I’m not in the mood for another one of your —”

“– It’s not what you think,” Paula cut off. She briefly paused to take a deep breath, “As your mother and your doctor, I’m starting to really worry about you. Your body has been changing so drastically, Spencer. And I know that you are still dealing very much with Clay‘s death as we all are, but I want you to be better. —- So I’ve hired a —”

I begin shaking my head as I stare at her. Is she serious? “ — No more therapists, mom” I shout.

She continues, “No, Spencer.. Not a therapist. A personal trainer”

What?

“Now I know that you are still overall healthy but I don’t want you to stay on this track because you are beginning to put yourself at risk, honey. Look, I met this great girl today at the hospital. She‘s a little older than you but still in your age group. Beautiful person inside and one of the best”