Dana had arrived not long after Tina had returned from the bathroom and so the next hour was spent with all of them catching up. Tina recanted a shorter version of her reunion with Bette to Dana in order to get her up to speed, and after that, the conversation just flowed among the four of them as it would at any other time.

Laughing at a remark from Alice, Tina glanced at her watch and seeing the time, said to the group, As much as I hate to, I really need to head on.

Where are you going? asked Dana.

To the house she replied.

Bettes house? Dana asked incredulously.

Before Tina could respond, Alice jumped in and said, Their house and I will explain later.

Tina and Alice stood to leave as Shane and Dana joined them to say good-bye.

Shane walked over to Tina and while hugging her said, Are we going to see you later?

Tina returned the hug and replied, Tonight? I dont really know.

She released Shane and continued, I have to get to the house and see what shape its in and then need to call Bette.

She gave Dana a hug good-bye as well and said, Ill call yall later so that we can either get together tonight or tomorrow.

Ok said Shane. But be sure to call us if you need us.

All women knew that Tinas return to the house that had once been her home with Bette was not going to be an easy experience. She had not been in the house in months, the last time there to get what was left of her personal possessions.

Following Alice out of The Planet, Tina turned and waved good-bye to Dana and Shane who were still standing at the table.

Why is she doing that? asked Dana as she took a seat.

She has to replied Shane, returning to her own.

What do you mean? I mean, why is she doing it alone? Wouldnt it be better if Bette were to go with her?

Its her call and obviously she feels that it is something that she needs to do.

I just dont understand why she would want to put herself in a more painful position than needed she said.

I dont think that its for any of us to understand Shane flatly stated. This is between Tina and Bette, always has been actually, and if this is something that she needs to do, than so be it.

I guess… trailed off Dana, still not really understanding Tinas need to stay at their house.

Look said Shane. I am sure that she has talked to Bette about this. *****, I bet that Bette didnt even have a say so in this. Since the two of them split up, Tina has become a different person. She was strong before, but the strength that she has now is like nothing that I have ever seen from her before. She knows what she wants and what she needs and is clearly not afraid to go get it she said, turning to Dana to see if she was understanding what she was saying.

New York and Bette? she asked.

Exactly replied Shane, nodding her head for emphasis, exactly.




The drive to Bette and Tinas house was for the most part, pretty quiet. Tina was watching the scenery go by, every tree and house so familiar in its passing. As they arrived at the house, Alice pulled into the driveway and turned the car off.

She turned to face Tina and said, You sure bout this?

Tina, eyes never leaving the house that was in front of her, said without hesitation, Yes.

Ok, well here you go she said, reaching into the backseat to retrieve her bag.

Tina turned to take it from her and reached over to hug her friend.

Thank you. For everything she added.

Hey, what else do I have to do? she asked, wiping tears from her eyes. Someone has to fix your fucked up lives and who better than me? The poster child for sanity and flawless relationships, right? she laughed.

Tina pulled back and laughed in response.

Dont know what we would do without you she smiled.

Oh, I bet Porter has a few ideas she giggled.

Tina turned to open the door and after getting out, leaned in before closing it.

Ill call you later, ok?

Sure, whatever you need T. Were here for you.

I know she smiled as she shut the door.

Alice started the car and watched Tina walking up the stairs to the front door of what used to be her home.

Take care, T she whispered and then backed out of the driveway and left.

Searching in her bag, she found her old set of keys that she had never been able to return to Bette. Just the notion of doing so had always seemed so final to her. As they were over at the time, she knew that holding on to them was irrational. That being said though, she still did not have it in her to give them back and as Bette had never asked for their return, she just held on to them, wondering if there would ever be a time that they would be needed again.

I guess that I made the right decision she thought to herself as she turned the key, opening the front door.

The first thing that she noticed was the darkness. She stepped into the house and saw that all of the natural light that normally entered through the windows was being blocked by the drawn curtains.

The second thing that she noticed was the smell of the house. She inhaled deeply and even though there was a trace of staleness, it was still there. The familiar scent of the house was there and it immediately brought tears to her eyes.

That smell had always brought comfort to her because it meant home and home was where Bette was. She didnt realize just until this moment how much that smell had meant to her, its absence unnoticed until just this time.

She closed the door behind her and dropped her bag on the chair by the front door. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she walked over to the windows and began raising the drapes and opening the windows to let the day in.

As she walked by the fireplace, the missing photo that was currently residing in Bettes closet in New York caught Tinas eye immediately.

She walked over to the mantle and lightly ran her hand over the vacant space wondering to herself what it must have been like for Bette as she left this house for New York, deciding to take this picture of the two of them as a reminder of what had once been.

The tears that had not quite abated began to flow again, Tina oblivious to their presence.

Oh baby she said out loud, nothing but the empty house there to hear her words.

With one last stroke of the empty mantle, she made her way to the kitchen. As with the rest of the house, the normal light and cheery room was made dark by the closed drapes across the French doors and windows.

After opening the windows, she crossed the room to the doors that led out to the pool. She knew that Bette had hired someone to look after the yard, but was convinced that it would not look the same if she were the one tending to it.

Opening the doors, she was greeted by the sunshine and warm air. The pool was covered as she knew it would be, but surprisingly, the yard did not look as bad as she had imagined. She was correct in that it didnt look exactly the same, but nothing that an afternoon of work couldnt change.

She stepped outside and walking over to the herb garden, bent over to peer at all of her herbs. A lot of them were not in the best shape as Bette had waited a while before finally resigning herself to the fact that Tina was not returning and as she knew nothing about what happened in the backyard, would need to hire some help.

Hmm she grunted as she stood up, turning to take a sweeping glance of everything else.

Well, I certainly knew it when I married you, baby she muttered in reference to Bettes lack of a green thumb.

Taking one last look around the yard, she made her way to the French doors to head back into the house.

Upon entering the kitchen, she realized that the house was already reclaiming its old look and feel by just opening it back up.

Walking through the kitchen, she began opening and closing cupboards that she at one time, had kept overflowing with contents. She realized that with the exception of a few staples, Bette had not replenished anything that she may have consumed, shelves basically bare with the exception of the occasional bag of sugar and flour, salt and pepper.

She didnt know whether to laugh at Bettes predictability or to cry at the sadness of the barrenness of it all. Choosing to do neither, she took a deep breath and headed out of the kitchen, down the hallway, towards their bedroom.

Of all that she feared, it was mainly coming back to this room. Her returns in the past were merely to get clothes, her head bowed in focus of that one task, everything else in the room a mere shadow in the background.

It had been almost eight months since she had really been alive in this room, had really breathed in what this room had been to her.

As she reached the threshold, she saw that their bedroom was as dark as the rest of the house had been upon her entry.

She reached for the light switch that was right inside the doorway and took a deep breath as the room was illuminated from the overhead light fixture.

She slowly, almost trancelike, entered the room, eyes focused on their bed, reeling from all of the sensations that were attacking her mind and being.

Her breathing shallowed and she began to feel light headed.

She reached her hand to her forehead in effort to steady herself and walked deeper in the room. Her eyes remained drawn to their bed, the memory of the last night she had spent with Bette in that bed, pounding her brain.

She continued to walk over to it and it wasnt until she reached down to touch the duvet cover that she realized she was crying, tears falling freely leaving wet marks on the fabric.

Oh God she wailed in anguish.

Bette, what did we do to each other that night? she moaned.

Tina realized that she had never allowed her mind to process that night and everything that they had done to the other.

Who were we? she cried.

She fell onto the bed, pulling herself into a fetal position and sobbed. She cried for what they had done to each other, cried for all of the time lost and cried for what they had not been able to be for the other.

Bette she sobbed. Oh God, Bette, I need you. Please baby, I need you so much her arms wrapping tighter around her body.

She cried until there were no tears left. She was exhausted, left spent by all of the emotion. Her mind began to pull back from the memory of that night and began to take in the rest of the room, allowing other memories of their life in this room to enter her thoughts.

She sat up, looking around and thought back to the night that she had gotten pregnant, and then all of the girls barging in after they had made love.

Bette had been so irritated at their arrival, but had come around to work on solving Danas problem. She smiled at the memory and of their friends sitting on this very bed.

She thought back to the countless nights that she and Bette had made love in this bed, the days and nights that they had not been able to get enough of the other, consuming each other until there was no strength left to continue.

The smile on her face grew as she also remembered Bette holding her, not just until they fell asleep but throughout the night, both reaching out for the other in slumber, always touching the other, knowing where she was.

She ran her hand across the cover, absorbing the feel of the fabric. She moved her hand until it reached Bettes pillow. Grabbing it, she brought it to her face and inhaled. She knew that the sheets had been cleaned, but thought that if she closed her eyes and breathed deeply enough, she could still smell Bette.

She returned the pillow to its proper place and began to lift herself off of the bed. Wiping the tears from her face, standing in the middle of the room, she looked all around her.

There was more good than bad here, baby she said out loud, way more good than bad.

Returning to the bed, she sat down on Bettes side and reached for the phone. Steadying her hand and clearing her voice, she dialed the number.

Hey T said Bette somewhat unsuredly, the effect of seeing their home number on the caller ID making her nervous and trepidacious.

Hey baby she whispered, the sound of Bettes voice bringing both reassurances to her as well as tears.

Are you ok, T?

I think so she softly said.

Hearing the tears in her voice, Bette was immediately afraid.

Tina, tell me whats going on.

I miss you, baby she whimpered.

I know, T, I miss you too. Where are you?

In our bedroom.

Oh said Bette, that being all of the information needed to understand Tinas current emotional state.

T, are you ok? asked Bette weakly.

After a pause, Tina replied, I didnt think so, but now I think I am.

After getting no further explanation, Bette asked What do you mean, T?

Iuh she paused to take a deep breath. I have never allowed myself to think about our last night together, Bette.

Waiting for this to sink in, she continued.

I never allowed my mind to process all of it and then get itself around what we did to each other that night.

I am so sorry, Tina Bette whispered, softly crying.

No, baby, thats not what this is about she vehemently said. What happened that night was something that could not have occurred if we were not both active participants. What we did to each other was just that, something that we both did.

I know T, but I feel that I was more the perpetrator and have killed myself a thousand times over knowing what I did to you that night she cried.

What you did to me was horrible Bette, as was what I did to you, but what we did to each other as a couple was she paused, trying to think of the right word to describe it, I dont know, Bette, no words can depict what we did to our marriage.

I know was all she heard from 2,500 miles away.

There was a long pause as neither woman said anything, both absorbed in her own sad thoughts.

Bette she softly spoke.

Hearing no response, she said, Baby?

Yeah? was the only thing that she heard.

Can you put this behind you?

After another long pause, Bette replied, Can you?

Tina sat there on the side of the bed, looking around, again remembering all of the good things that had transpired between the two of them in this room and simply said, Yes.

She heard Bette expel what she imagined to be a breath held in in anticipation of Tinas response.

She smiled softly at Bette’s unspoken response and said into the phone, Well? Can you? already knowing the answer.

Yes, but only with the knowledge that you will be by my side for the rest of my life, T.

The smile on Tinas face grew and she said, I think that you know that to be the case, baby.

Bette didnt respond as she knew that no response was necessary. They just sat there, listening to the other breathe.

Are you tired, baby?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Will you be able to sleep tonight?

I dont know, T. Ive gotten pretty used to having you in the bed with me, and right now, it feels pretty vacant.

I know the feeling she replied, looking at their bed, made for two but for too long, only occupied by one.

Will you do me a favor, baby?

You know that I will do anything in the world for you, T.

Will you call me if you cant sleep?

Will you do the same thing?

Yes she chuckled. Yes, I will.

Ok then, we have a deal smiled Bette.

I love you baby she said softly.

I love you too, T, perhaps more than you will ever know.

Tina smiled at Bettes response and said, Ill call you when I wake up, baby.

Ill be waiting for you, T.

Sleep well, Bette

You too.

Good night, baby.

Good night, T.

Tina hung the phone up, slowly returning it to its holder. Taking a deep breath, she stood up and walked to the bedroom door. As she got to the doorway, she turned around, taking another long look at the room, and then slowly turning back, made her way out of the room, reaching to turn the light off as she left.