Tina was walking away.  There had been a pause, a moment where the statement that she was lucky she had Jodi had floated in the air to be interpreted perhaps as a question.  She had failed to dispute its truth.  She thought that she could continue with this charade – this half life that kept her heart safe because it was never fully exposed.  As she watched the blonde turn away from her though, it all changed.  In that instant her heart ruled her head and before she knew what was happening Tina’s wrist was in her hand.

Her instinct told her to kiss the woman before her – to reach out and take her head in her hand and kiss her.  To skip over the words that needed to be spoken and explain instead with her actions how much she had missed her, how she was settling for what she had now because she knew that no-one else could ever or would ever be able to ignite that part of her that had lain dormant until that first day she looked into the blonde’s eyes.  She fought it though.  This was the new Bette, she needed Tina to know that.  She needed her to know that she had learnt her lesson –  that without honesty there was nothing of worth.  Kissing Candace had meant nothing.  It was about something that was lacking in herself and had nothing to do with anything she needed from the other woman.  Kissing Tina though would be different.  It would be everything to do with Tina.  She was everything she needed and all that she desired.  Kissing her had to be right, it had to be guilt free.  Like their first kiss it should have the freedom to snowball into love.

None of that could happen if she kissed Tina while she was still with Jodi.  It was suddenly all so clear.  Watching this woman try to walk away again, allowing her to believe even if it was only for a moment that she didn’t want to stop her, was unthinkable.  As her fingers closed around the wrist she felt Tina turn.  It took everything she had not to lift her head to meet her.  How long had she waited to feel the softness of those lips, to run her hand through the blonde hair, to feel her body that close?  Instead she tried to speak.  Her already husky voice was barely audible as her gaze remained rooted to the floor, she explained.

“Not kissing you at this moment is one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  It’s what I want more than almost anything.”

“Almost?” questioned the blonde who had fleetingly had hope that maybe Bette still did want her, feeling her hand reach out and enclose her wrist she had thought that she was going to reclaim her.  To once again take possession of her heart which in truth she had never relinquished.  Perhaps though, now, after all this time although an attraction still remained, for the brunette the attraction of the artist was greater.  Tina could hardly bear to await the response.

“Almost” repeated Bette “The only thing I want more than a moment with you now is a future with you forever”

Tina had heard the phrase to melt in someone’s arms.  She even thought she had experienced it before.  But this, here, now, this defined that phrase.  The only part of her that felt solid was the thin portion of her wrist surrounded by Bette’s fingers.   As she struggled to gather her thoughts Bette continued.

“Kissing you now will tarnish that.  It will plant seeds of doubt in your mind about whether what happened before truly was an aberration of my normal character.  I can’t take that risk with you.  I need you to give me some time.  I have to go and talk to her.  To try and explain the unexplainable, to make her understand that there’s simply no fighting it, that for me it’s not a choice there is only one way for me to truly be alive and that’s to be with you.  If you’ll have me, I’ll be back to kiss you, not for a stolen moment  but for forever.”

“Hurry” came the strangled reply as the blonde finally met Bette’s eyes and they each remembered how it could be.