Bette and Paxton played their roles perfectly the next day. Bette made Pax a really good breakfast, somplete with eggs hashbrowns french toast and orange juice. Not concentrated though, that made Pax gag. And her husband collected his luggage, still pale and jumpy he called a taxi. Bette insisted on driving him to San Diego, but he said no. Bette didn’t ask why. She didn’t ask him why he lsot his job either. Or about the accident. He didn’t want to talk about it at all. Bette was washing her hands and she turned half-way around watching her husband eat. He usually cooked but  of course made an exception that morning. He ate diligiently, complimenting her on the cooking, Even though both knew it tasted like *****. Pax ate it all and cleaned his plate and brushed his teeth and put on his jacket. Bette felt helpless. She felt bad for last night. she should have just fucked him. But Paxton before he left turned around and saw Bette standing in the middle of the dining room looking at him. He smiled, Bette stammered…”I’m so sorry Pax, i’ve been mean, i dont…know what came over-” “Shhhhhh….c’mere” Paxton opened his arms and Bette went to him, they hugged hard. As if each knew they were slowly losing the other. Held on to some…ideal. Paxton whispered in her ear…”you need space Bette, i know…you need space, take this time and relax yourself treat yourself, find out what you want from our marriage…..and i’ll do the same ok?…i love you” He kissed her cheek…Bette kissed his lips and they kissed and kissed and kissed. Bette whispered that she loved him. She stayed by the door and watched as he got into the taxi his luggage in the back, and he turned and waved at her. Bette waved back and watched the taxi go out of sight. Then she closed the door and  fell down crying.

 Later that day, it was a saturday, Bette got into cleaning frenzy. It was healing really. She took down all the cleaning ***** from the bottom sink drawers and went a scrubbing. She cleaned the bathroom first, even the toilet till everything gleamed. Then Bette went into the living room and dining room and spent hours there. And the ktichen, and the hallways and the den and their bedroom. Then Bette vacuumed everything up. You could eat your food on the floor it was so ***** clean. Bette was proud, she sat at the kitchen table. The only thing that was filthy was her. Bette opened her briefcase and took out her work papers. She was reviewing resumes from possible assistant curators. Bette wanted only the best to help her. But her mind daddled as she read mediocre resumes and finally she took out a fresh piece of paper and wrote a list.

Why I Love Paxton:  1. I love him because i just do  2. love the way he laughs 3. love his devotion  3. concentration  4. his love of nature 5. his gentleness  6. how he loves me Why I hate Paxton:  1. the way he eats 2. the way he pauses when tlaking 3. his stupid pajamas 4. how much of a ***** he can be 5. how stagnant 6. how boring

 Bette looked at her list. Then she made another list.

What i don’t know about myself:  1.everything

 Bette looked at her lists and then crumpled them all up. She was so bored. Bette wandered around. now that she had her ‘freedom’, whatever that meant, she could not think of what to do. So she called Tina. She really needed a no bullshit friend.

“Hello”

“Hi Tina it’s Bette”

“o hey1 i saw Paxton leave in the taxi i thought you to went somewhere”

“yeah he’s visiting his mom, i stayed”

“i c”….so what’s up”

“my marriage is crumbling and i know why”

“………..why then?”

“cuz im changing and he’s not, and im such a mean ***** *****”

“your not a mean ***** *****……..your just stuck”

“thats what he said”

“then it must have some truth to it”

“but why am i stuck? my life is suppossedly perfect”

“maybe thats the problem, you think life has to be perfect so the flaws of your own seem more clear, especially if you focus on the person your suppossed to spend the rest of your life with”

“your so smart”

“im far from”

“…….”

“anything else?”

“do you want to come over? it’s so empty in this house”

TBC