The crossroads Bette and Tina were at was interesting. So many roads to take, so many things to do. So many things NOT to do. For instance waking up after sleeping
together, not *****, just sleeping..Bette found herself wanting to kill her mate. The way she drank coffee….the way Tina drank coffee made Bette want to kill herself. Slurping……ugh. Bette
felt her fingers grip the tablecloth, she slurped her own coffee to spite Tina. She didn’t even look up. Bette relieved herself of such paradoxical situations and stepped outside
sitting on the stair of the porch and smoking a cigarette. Yes, her downfal, her health downfall. Bette knew she would regret the cancer sticks after actually suffering from cancer.
She didn’t smoke that much, only one or two cigs every four days. Bad habit, a bad habit like Tina’s coffee slurping. Bette took a deep drag and watched a sparrow fly
around singing and diving around the tree that was in front of Tina’s yard. ‘If only I was a bird’…Bette chuckled. She reflected on her and Tina’s behaviours, which revealed the extent
of how little they knew of each other. At once after Bette’s grand ‘acceptance’ of Tina AND her body…both of their own bodies shrank from the touch of the other. Things became
uncomfortable because they were suddenly afraid of connection. They were striving and fighting against connection but as soon as it was made available….they didn’t want it. Well
not didn’t want it, but didn’t know what to do with it. Now that, relatively, the chaos and drama was “over”, what were they left with? They were left with each woman’s knowledge of
the other, which was limited. That was the challenge. The ‘getting to know’ part. And was it worth it? Bette refused to think it wasn’t, if it was not worth it..she had just wasted a huge
chunk of her life and energy and emotions.

 Bette took another slow drag on the cigarette. Thinking, suddenly she felt depressed. Looking at the sparrow she realized that humans are so…lost. Animals are animals
because they respond to physical stimulis, humkans are different because they can apply meaning to stimulus..which opens a whole can of worms. But now, now what? Science
has depleted religion in thinking humans are really important..so important that God is concerned with man’s well-being. And religion is a dead-end because it does not supply
the answer beyond cause and effect and a whole slew of other issues. Bette’s head hurt just thinking about it….and, people.. meaning is implied by what they see through selection.
They select what they see, not first..but AFTER grasping the whole meaning. So we construct our own universes, by that logic..is life even worth it? If we construct universes does
that make us Gods? Ahhh Bette thought..that was exactly the failure of the Romantics…they saw their limitations so clearly after thinking they were Gods that self-destruction was
inevitable. But how does one function after that? Meaning…purpose…evolutionary purpose. Bette took ANOTHER long drag, and threw the stub under her foot, expelling it. One
has to find the third, the third to connect the two…the two being the meaning and the label, the immediancy. Bette thought this because she was thinking about her situation, her
situation being seemingly hopeless. After all that ***** she has what she wanted, and now where does one go? What is the purpose? Especially after feeling that she doesn’t even
know Tina all that well. She has to find the meaning behind their relationship, the purpose that contributes to her existence. She doesn’t want to be choked by her own created
illusions, but are those illusions actually truth? Is there truth behind the actions that has lead her here? Bette wanted to throw herself off a ledge, what is the point of life?  Love Bette
told herself..love, at least that’s what other people told her. Does love give meaning? BEtte sighed and rubbed her eyes, when did she become such an existentialist? No…if
she was one, she would go insane like that German guy or kill herself. She must FEEL meaning, meaning in her life and purpose too. Trying to re-learn how to live after finding
out that you do not exist in the way you always thought. The same with her relationship with Tina, there is a purpose but what is that? Does she love Tina?

 Bette came back inside, feeling tired and drawn and needing to go back to her own apartment. There was work to be done, she still needed to support herself and fulfill
the obligations set by her choices, specifically her professional choices. Hehe…well then, Bette was truly her father’s daughter. Things come full circle. And Tina, where does Tina
fit in? Bette went in the bedroom and collected her purse, found her keys…found Tina still in the kitchen. Tina was watching her the whole time Bette came back into the house. They
stood staring at each other. Here it was, the real ultimatum. Both knew that both didn’t know much about the other…was it worth it? Neither wanted to do it if it was just out of a sense
of duty..that was just stupid. Bette knew they were trying to grasp the third meaning, the connection. Suddenly it all seemed rather funny, funny, funny….FUNNY. She was so tired, so
drawn, so emotionally fucked up that such a serious thing seemed just hilarious. Bette threw her head back and laughed, hard..really guffawed. She didnt’ see Tina’s mouth crack a
smile, didn’t see Tina really smile..and didn’t hear Tina’s laughter mix with her own. Bette finally stopped laughing, wiped her eyes..feeling even more depressed. She was sure she
had just blown it, laughed in the face of such serioussness, reduced Tina to rubble. But no, Tina had understand that Bette’s laughter wasn’t out of spite, but an understanding. Of what
she did not know, all she knew was that she agreed with Bette…so she laughed with her. And so they had found a connection. Bette just didn’t know it for a few seconds, and in her
mind the world ended. But she blinked her eyes and saw Tina, saw her smile and the twinkling in her eyes. Bette’s entire being fell into place, things felt ok…for the moment. They
had found their connection. And they would go from there.

TBC