There was the smell of blood, the sick metallic smell that filled the air. The screams were deafening, the shattering glass, and the sound of the car hitting the rail. The thick murky feel of my head, the burning of my nose breaking as it hit’s the wheel. The screams that are all I can hear, all I can see, feel and the need to get to her. The fear and terror that plagued her body were for her, for them, for the wall of water that came closer to the car. The spray of water that washed over my face and the name that was trapped in my chest clawing its way out.

The dark of the room was terrifying, like it was part of the dream. My heart pounding so hard and fast like it was trying to escape from my chest. The room was cold, freezing all the droplets of sweat on her body causing her to shiver. Carmen was asleep, calm, and serene almost. The only thing running through my mind is alive. I could feel the panic start all over when I see that Shay is gone, the middle of the bed barren.

I jumped out of bed running to Shay’s room; he was asleep in a ball on his bed. What a strange kid, the house is just as dark as the room. It almost feels as if I’m walking a tomb, that holds all of us. The thick wood of the bed room door the opening to my coffin, and all I want to do is walk through it. Knowing that the one person who could make it all okay is lying asleep on the other side.

All I can see is her skin golden against her raven black hair; I could feel the pressure rise with each step. Watching with unblinking eyes to see her chest rise and fall, feeling the relief wash over me when I feel certain that she is still breathing. Still alive, still alive, still alive; keep saying it maybe it’ll never happen.

I sit on the floor next to her, just watching her sleep, her eyes fluttering dreaming things I could only imagine. She had a hint of a smile on her face, and it made me hope that I was in there somewhere, amidst the mystery of her mind. As I sit here staring at her, I can feel all of the doubt, all the whispers disappear and all there is left is a smiling Carmen. That’s when all the fear hits me, all the whispers come back and my mind is clouded again with the reminder of who I was, who I am. She just lays there sleeping not knowing that I am waiting for her, like I have been for so long. I think back to that day, I think of what she would’ve looked like. Of how it would’ve felt walking down that aisle, walking to her, saying those words that would’ve binded them together for all eternity. It doesn’t matter anymore; in this life or the next I will always have her. I am hers and she is mine, and that scares the shit out of me.