Carving Paths
Frailty of A Wish
Part Eight


Marina watched Shane stumbling out of the side exit leading to the alley. Her instinct told her that Shane was hiding something, when earlier Shane was breathing shallow and weak. Marina knew what Shane was doing to herself, falling back into old times becoming into her old self. It made Marina sad, something had happened to Shane, causing a big turnaround and she is hurting and just plain running away from herself. It was time for Marina to take some action and try to knock some sense into Shane.

Following the same path that Shane had taken, entering into the darkened alley. Her steps quickened, her fallen friend crouched in pain on the ground.

Shane? Can you hear me? Shane? Marina asked frantically as she tried to shake Shane back to consciousness. Shanes eyes remained closed; moaning in pain then her body jerked suddenly and her body went lax. Marina looked up as she felt the running footsteps nearing her; she was relieved that its Bette. Bette stopped in front of her, crouching next to Marina. Bette put her ear near Shanes mouth to check if Shane is still breathing.

Marina. Shane is still with us but she doesnt sound good. Im going to call in for help. Marina agreed, Bette stood up and paced as she made the phone call. Marina kept glancing down worriedly, watching Shane and hoping its not too late, holding Shanes hand while Bette finished her call.

They will be here in ten minutes. They told me to keep her warm and keep checking her pulse, Bette said trying to keep the tension out of her voice as they focused on making Shane comfortable as possible. They shifted around, waiting.

Now I know how Jenny felt when she found me. Its unbearable of not knowing if she lives or die, Marina whispered. Bette closed her eyes, silently hoping it wont come like that. It was not a pleasant feeling of not knowing one of your friends was crying out in help or not seeing the signs being there. Shane has covered it up very well until now; she has deteriorated very rapidly and showing her true actions. Shane just couldnt control her addiction, more desperate she got and quickly she became careless with what she revealed of what she had been doing. Bette rubbed her eyes wearily; this day had been a long day.

The door slammed shut behind them, unfamiliar female stood there with Jenny. They just froze, seeing the situation occurring here. Marinas hand was holding Shanes hand while Bette held Shanes head in her lap; they saw Shane stayed being unconscious.

What is wrong with her? Carmen said to no one in particular, Jenny gripped Carmens hand tightly. The memories came rushing back; Jenny tried to hide her fears and emotions. Marina turned back, her understanding now apparent as her brown eyes met Jennys blue eyes.

The red and white lights entered into the alley, brightening it up as it signaled the ambulance is now here. Male and female paramedics hopped down and went behind the ambulance and bringing out the stretcher. The wheels squealed and squeaked, as they came closer and Marina waved them over, motioned them over to Shane. The medics took control of the situation, Bette and Marina backed off as they joined Jenny and Carmen. Bette, Marina, Carmen, and Jenny huddled together, leaving them alone to do their jobs as they watched them to pack Shane in and waited to see if Shane has any reactions.

**********

Tina, Alice, and Dana waited in the emergency room. They had received the urgent phone call from Bette explaining what happened. Of course they rushed to the hospital but Bette, Marina, Jenny, and Shane havent arrived yet.

Where the ***** are they? Do you think they have gotten into an accident? Alice paced back and forth, worried about everyone. Tina leaned back against the wall, not liking the smell of hospital. Dana sat there quietly, ignoring Alice. This is really bad, Dana thought, everything went to *****. Nothing you can expect has happened, but Shane, who knew? Dana admitted that she hasnt paid any attention to Shane but she is here now, she didnt want to lose her friend.

They jumped startled as the doors banged out, entering the stretcher with Shane in it and the paramedics pushed her away through the swinging doors into the emergency room as the doctors and nurses crowded around it. Bette, Marina, Jenny, and the young woman Tina didnt recognize came behind them, frazzled and worried. Tina, Alice, and Dana hugged Bette and Marina, relieved that they are there and they are okay. Carmen shifted slightly away from them, not knowing who they are.

You look kinda familiar, Alice narrowed her eyes at Carmen, trying to place her. Alice snapped her fingers as she scanned her memory files and found one, Thats it. You were in a jeep, dropping Shane off one month ago. Carmen nodded; surprised she could remember the accurate information.

It was me, yes, Im Carmen. The group except Jenny exchanged the knowing looks. Carmen knew what they were thinking about, not bothering to correct them and she doesnt owe them any answers since she didnt know them at all. They went back into the waiting room, waiting for the news and wanting Shane to make it.

One hour later, the doctor finally came out, searching for someone to talk to regarding to Shane. Leaving her seat, as the group agreed to let Bette to talk to the doctor, she went up to him to ask about Shane. The group couldnt hear, it was hushed and seeing Bette getting angry then became resigned. Doctor handed her the papers and she turned away with a frown.

************

The clock slowly moved the hands as the ticks continued to waste away. The darkened, small hospital room with the window covered with the shade, the moonlight filtered through, leaving behind the shadows. Her hazel eyes struggled to open, her lids felt so heavy, and feeling trapped as her arms covered with tapes and tubes attached to it. Shane groaned in pain, her stomach felt like being pumped out of it. Feeling nauseated, her eyes finally opened and scanned her surrounding of the sterile white room and she was dressed in flimsy white gown. She felt exposed and achingly alone of seeing no one is there. Not surprised, she sighed. She thirsted for something; something was missing from her system, not caring she might end up dead again as long the feelings go away.

Shane slowly sat up, carefully pulling the attached ones out of her arms wincing as it hurt to get it out from inside of her arms, bleeding came out trickling slightly. Wanting to get out, she already felt winded; she rolled out of the bed, and steadied herself.

She walked slowly, grimacing into the mirror, seeing her greasy black hair being plastered and she deliberately messed it up making it looks alive. Pulling the clothes out of the small closet, and putting it on. She peeked out, seeing its empty but a night nurse hunker down over her paperwork. Shane crouched and almost crawled to the other end and getting to the elevator and pressing it open. She continued to half crouched and half walked into the elevator. She sighed in relief as the doors closed, bringing her to the freedom as she entered the parking underground. She fiercely hated hospital, bringing back the bad memories.

**************

Pouring coffee into each cup, as one by one sat there quietly and thinking about this situation that Shane had gotten into. Everyone sat in a circle, sitting in various seats in Bettes living room. Marina set the pot down on the coffee table, as everyone sat back exhausted and still are troubled about Shane, wondered if Shane can ever return to the way she was, not being able to forget this nightmare.

Jenny and Carmen set themselves apart from this group, standing against the wall behind the couch. Both felt they didnt belong but they didnt want to be rude to Bette after Bette graciously invited them to her house to be with everyone. Jenny already felt enough guilt after she punched Shane, already noticing Shane not being herself and being careless with someone, normally she would have to be discreet and courteous to someone she slept with. But Shane hurt Carmen on purpose; she had no reason to do it.

Her mind flashed back to that moment Jenny watched Shane getting up, and walked past them with no words but she ever forgotten the look from her eyes. It made Jenny uncomfortable. Her eyes showed absolutely no emotions and she acted like she existed like a ghost, having no reactions and Jenny felt like Shane was dead. It wasnt a good feeling at all, she remains as a living person but inside it felt like her soul was dying. Jenny rubbed her bruised knuckles absently; Marina gently placed the bag of ice on Jennys hand and walked away. Shane and Marina are the most similar but Shane gets oblivious and Marina fights like dirty when things get bad but they end up in same way by hurting themselves.

Dana tapped her foot against the floor nervously; the grim silence in this room was starting to make her nervous. Sitting next to Dana on the couch, annoyed Alice stopped Danas knee from making any more noise. Alice whispered fiercely, Stop it.

I couldnt help it! Danas voice rang out, breaking the silence. Tina chuckled, as she sat the other side of Dana. Alice and Dana always amused her; they are acting like old married couple. Yawning, its almost one oclock in the morning but everyone was anxious and not sure if they wanted to go to sleep, afraid if Shane will disappear if they dont resolve this issue.

Bette rolled her eyes at them, sitting in a chair opposed to the couch. Bette figured she could start this dreaded conversation when they tried to avoid talking about it but it couldnt be prolonged any further. Basically the hospital kicked them out since they werent the immediate family members. Shane never talked about her family so they had no choice but go home and try to figure out a way to help Shane.

I talked to the doctor. He said that Shane had an overdose; she was lucky enough to be found in time. Therefore he gave me the numbers for the rehab or if Shane is willing to participate in an out-patient program, Bette said, asking what they think about this suggestion.

I agree with the doctor. If we have to force Shane to face what she managed to avoid for so long but we could end up pushing her away. We can try to tell her that we love her and dont want to lose her, Marina explained as she continued, But Shane has to make an decision on her own, making her choice if she want to continue this path of self-destruction or live and face her demons but she has to ask for the help first.

I doubt it. Shane has too much of pride to do that. But things change and who knows where we stand with Shane. Guessing what Bette told us, Shane is against us right now and she did chose not to talk to anyone. I dont know, we could try to wait but Im afraid if it will be too late. Its risky but we have no choice now. Biting her lip, Alice leaned forward, as the rest of the group thought of what Alice said and not knowing why Shane was so far gone without them noticing, they ultimately blamed themselves for not being good friends for her.

The group fell back into the silence, they will continue to try to convince Shane to live and they needed her. They agreed on for telling Shane that they are sorry for not being there and now they will always be here for her. But all they can do is to talk to her and convince her to get help. They can do the wait and see part; its all up to Shane to want to return. Carmen didnt agree with their method at all, not at all. Carmen has an idea and started planning.

*************

Worried about Carmen, wondering what she went through. Jenny asked her what happened in the bathroom but Carmen brushed her off, not wanting to talk about it. Jenny sighed, sitting front of her laptop, couldnt focus at all. Frustrated, she shut her laptop down. Seeing the unopened envelope for her, recognizing the handwriting of Marina and Robin told her where she found it. It was meant for Jenny to find it and somehow she missed it, the timing was unusual since Marina didnt expect to be found and didnt expect at all that Jenny was worried enough for her. Everything has changed in that day.

Sitting on her bed, she continued to finger it and wondering if she is brave enough to open it. After this nightmare with Shane had happened, Jenny had though about why people do that to themselves and there were the reasons that made them desperate and falling into emptiness of darkness. Jenny settled back, already decided, when her fingers torn the edge of the envelope and pulling the folded paper free. She exhaled, as she unfolded it and her eyes started to read:

Jenny-

By the time you read this, I will be long gone as you wished for it. I wanted to let you know, I fell in love with you unexpectedly but I didnt know what to do with it. I handled it badly with you, but you deserve someone better than me. It is the first time I felt this pain and love, which surprised me. I dont like the feeling of utter weakness and I chose not to live my life anymore because it means nothing to me right now. So its a goodbye and be happy, Jenny.
I love you,
Marina


Thats it? Jenny grunted in disgust. She figured it out, seeing Marina being a coward and afraid to face the life alone with those feelings she didnt want to feel. The first sign of getting hurt, she escaped and wanted to take the easy way out, not thinking about the consequences. Jenny, unsettled, it still didnt give her any answers of why Marina wanted to push Jenny to the edge and playing all those mind games. Her head leaned against the window, watching the moon being overshadowed by the dark clouds. Her eyes started to drift; shutting her eyes in sleep and the letter fell from her hand, floating away as it swayed left to right. It softly slipped under the bed and remained hidden from the plain sight.

*********

Feeling she has been followed, Lara hurried into the apartment building. She felt lately that someone was watching her and following her, feeling the alarm overcoming into her as she remember what Dana said about having the stalker being around lately.

Lara was anxious, as she headed to her door but stopped in distress. A taped envelope on her door, she pulled it off and opened the envelope. Lara stared at the words, not comprehending as it says:

LaRa, Im WatCHinG YoU. KnOw AboUT DaNA. StaY AwAy.

Lara quickly opened her door and shutting it behind her, her hand shook in fear. Why me, me I havent done anything wrong and Dana is out of her life, Lara thought miserably, as she sank boneless onto the floor, sitting against the door. She is spooked now, wondering why the stalker is targeting her. Lara stayed there for few hours, making sure no one breaks into her place. The sense of alarm faded away and the exhaustion took place, she yawned when she got ready for bed. She forgot about this stalking business for a while.