Chapter 1

Tina quietly began to pick up random toys that were strewn around the living room now that she had Angelica quietly sleeping in her crib. She spotted the parenting book Bette had purchased just before Angelica was born, which distinctly highlighted that rocking a baby to sleep would only haunt you in the future should you want the child to be capable of falling asleep on their own.

Tina scoffed as she put it back on the bookshelf to collect dust.

“I’ll rock my child if I want to,” Tina muttered to the bookshelf.

She sat down, running her fingers through her hair and checking her watch. Angelica would be asleep for close to 3 hours and Tina had no desire to do anything but sit on the couch and relax. The stack of bills that had piled up since last week seemed to be following Tina as she worked to avoid staring at them. Tina’s responsibility in the home extended to now managing their finances, which was not an easy task. She continued to express to Bette her fear involving their finances, Bette’s new job simply made it difficult to meet their financial obligations. Tina, monthly, would plead with Bette to address their growing debt, but she would respond the same each month. She loved her new job and it spoke to the passionate side that became stifled at The CAC.

Tina flipped through the stack of bills looking at the due dates. She got up and went into the kitchen, grabbing a calculator and their checkbook, and sat at the table to write out bills. Tina looked at the past due amounts and prioritized the ones that would be paid this pay cycle. When she was only able to pay 3 bills, tears began to form in her eyes. She opted for taking a moment to call Bette and hope that the sound of her voice would calm her stresses.

The phone rang and within seconds Tina was dumped into her voicemail. She left a generic message, followed with a heartfelt I love you, and hung up still stressed and frustrated.

Tina had to admit that, although Bette was difficult to contact during the day, she was promptly home each night for dinner, play time with Angelica, bath time in which Bette typically participated in having missed out on time during the day, and then she would feed Angelica her bedtime bottle and put her to sleep in her crib. Tina often told Bette how proud she was that she made such an effort to curb her outrageous work schedule she previously had at The CAC. Julia, her current employer, was very open to Bette’s rigid schedule having a young child of her own with her partner of 5 years. Although the job was just as demanding as her work at The CAC, Tina felt that Bette genuinely liked this position better in Julia’s gallery making her a happier person. Her job was to research projects, funding, and new artists for Julia to showcase. That kept Bette busy to the point where after Angelica’s bedtime ritual, she would grab her laptop and continue her day’s work in the comfort of their home.

The routine Bette and Tina fell into began to grate on Tina’s nerves. It started the moment Angelica was in bed and Bette would walk out into the living room, dutifully kissing Tina and asking her how her day was. There wasn’t much that Tina could share with Bette, Angelica didn’t do much but eat and sleep at this stage in her development. Once the typical half hour conversation ended, Bette would grab her laptop and begin her work from home. Tina felt just as alone when Bette was there as she did when Bette was working and unable to answer her phone due to meetings and conference calls.

After a particularly lonely day, Tina waited for their routine half hour discussion after Angelica was in bed to express her feelings to Bette.

“I’m struggling,” Tina said quietly.

“What?”

“I’m struggling.”

“With?” Bette asked as she sat down and grabbed Tina’s hand to comfort her.

“Loneliness mostly.”

“Why?”

“Bette I have nobody to talk to during most of the day. Angelica sleeps hours at a time, which is a good thing, but it still gets lonely.”

“Why don’t you meet the girls for lunch a few times a week?”

“Because I’m trying to get Angelica on a schedule and one of her naps falls in that time slot that they could meet for lunch. I just feel like I’m losing touch.”

“Tina,” Bette said leaning back and putting her arm around Tina to offer comfort. “The girls will work with you and they’d love to see Angie. I’m sure that missing a nap or two during the week won’t hurt her.”

“It will when you read the books that you seem to have bought stock in.”

“You don’t follow everything in those books because you still rock her to sleep instead of letting her just fall asleep for her naps on her own.”

Tina just sighed, exasperated with the manner in which Bette began to direct the conversation and minimize her feelings.

“I hate when you do that.”

“What did I do?” Bette asked not understanding the rising tension in the conversation.

“You minimize my feelings.”

“Babe, I don’t mean to. But you’re in charge of Angie’s schedule and if you need some interaction, you need to find a way to get it. Try having the girls over for lunch a few days a week so Angie can still nap.”

“I don’t have the energy for that and they all work in the opposite direction.”

“Not Al,” Bette pointed out. “She can come here and work if it keeps you company. You need to figure out what you’re comfortable with and whatever that is I support it. This is a decision you need to make though Babe, that you need to feel comfortable with.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Tina said in a defeated tone.

“Join a mothers group for newborns that has meetings scheduled around the time Angie is awake. We could start looking for a nanny we trust so that you could get out from time to time.”

“Bette, we don’t have money for a nanny,” Tina snapped.

“Fine,” Bette signed. “The other option is have someone come sit with her, like Kit or Al, when you need a few hours to just get out.”

That conversation ended with an agreement from Tina to join a mother’s group and help from Bette in locating one on the Internet for her to sign up. She went to the first meeting, coming home discouraged, feeling as if she couldn’t relate to any of them. The first meeting the moderator asked for each person to submit one concern regarding parenthood. Tina submitted her frustration and fear surrounding the second parent adoption process, which was far off from any of the other concerns. The following meeting, after receiving no helpful hints about her concern as the other mothers received, Tina sat at the end of the table by herself. She clearly was the only mother treading through red tape to solidify her family while others just took their established parenthood for granted. She came home exasperated and slumped down on the couch next to Kit.

“What’s up Girl?” Kit asked.

“I can’t go back there Kit. I have never felt so out of place in my life.”

“Oh no,” Kit said putting a hand on Tina’s thigh in comfort. “What happened?”

“Last week we had to submit parenting concerns.”

“Ok.”

“This week was the follow-up to those concerns where the moderator was supposed to provide some words of wisdom to you. The biggest concern I have, because Angie really is a good baby, is the process of Bette adopting her.”

“She’s an excellent baby,” Kit said smiling. “So I’m guessing they couldn’t help you?”

“Worse, they basically shunned me because of my concern.”

“I’m sorry Baby Girl,” Kit said sincerely.

“I’ll just have to find something else,” Tina said discouraged.

Tina, in the weeks after her decision to shun the mother’s group, began to feel better both physically and mentally. She needed less rest then she had been requiring after the traumatic birth of Angelica. However, this left her frustrated and in desperate need of adult conversation when Angelica slept while Tina no longer needed to. Her friends all worked, giving her as much time as they could, but ultimately they had lives too that didn’t end when Angelica was born. The few times she attempted to meet Alice, Shane, and Dana for lunch at The Planet, it often ended in Angelica crying to be fed and Tina eating a cold meal alone when her friends had to leave to go back to work.

It was one day at lunch that Tina just vented to her friends regarding her isolation and underlying anger regarding her current situation.

“There are plenty of stay at home moms in your area aren’t there?” Alice asked innocently.

“I guess but because our children are all on different schedules good luck trying to get us all together. I just miss my life at times, and although this is wonderful, I’m beginning to question my decision to stay home.”

“What does Bette say?” Dana asked.

“Go back to a different mother’s group or meet you all for lunch.”

“Maybe we’ve just been self centered and need to make more time to get to where you are Tina,” Shane said.

“You can’t revolve you life around mine,” Tina said. “I appreciate the offer, but rearranging your lives won’t ultimately help long term because you can’t sustain it.”

Tina got up and took Angelica home for her afternoon nap. Once Angelica was sleeping, Tina flipped through the channels aimlessly unaware of the programs flashing for seconds before her eyes. She quickly shut the television off and threw the remote on the table. This day, in particular, was one of those where boredom set in quickly. Bette had retained Sonja, their cleaning lady, to ensure that Tina wasn’t overtaxed and could enjoy her time bonding with Angelica. The laundry was done, dinner prepared other then putting it in the oven, and Angelica snuggled in for her 3-hour afternoon nap. Tina sighed loudly. Not only was Sonja a drain on their finances that she felt they didn’t need, but it left her with nothing to do, only adding to her boredom and restlessness.

Tina flipped open the laptop computer as she snuggled down in the couch to play her online game. Shortly after she started, she became bored with even that. She began to search the Internet looking for something to hold her interest. In an effort to hold onto a piece of her own identity, she opted against looking up legal cases regarding third party adoption or milestones regarding Angelica’s development, she just wanted a piece of her old personality back. Through rapid clicks of the mouse, she maneuvered through a website specific for lesbians and bisexual women, finding a chat room associated with it. She had never been in a chat room before, so upon her first entrance into it that afternoon, she got out quickly finding it difficult to follow conversation with the strangers in the room.

The next day Tina took another chance and stayed in there longer, being a silent observer. She watched the etiquette used in the chat room, the people that frequented it, and those that were outgoing enough to attempt to pull her into conversation. Before long, Tina had visited the chat room several times, finally able to follow conversations and the intricacies specific to the room itself. The conversations progressed differently then anything Tina had experienced before. At times the conversations were friendly banter back and forth. Other times, women would enter the room as a place to share feelings and thoughts without the fear of judgment. Some would ask for advice on very specific and personal problems, but whatever the reasons were that people were in the room, it was a friendly and fun place to keep in touch with people and have an outlet of conversation.

Tina’s sign-in of “Lindsey76″ became a regular in the room rather quickly. Because Angelica was scheduled during the day and in bed early at night, Tina’s pattern of logging into the chat became well known. She felt truly missed one day when Bette came home and began to rant about her day, pushing Angelica’s bath time later and thus, her logging into the chat room later then usual. When she entered the overwhelming response and happiness that she was there touched Tina. People were worried about her, having not logged in at her normal time. Tina truly hadn’t felt this noticed since she first began to date Bette 10 years ago.

Tina began to learn each person’s personality as conversations unfolded on her screen. At times, Tina received private messages asking her for her age, sex, and location. It took Tina responding a few times that she didn’t know what “asl” was before she was graced with a definition and another woman’s answers to these questions. At first Tina answered simply:

“32, female, California”

She hardly ever requested the information of others as it wasn’t important to her. She was there to make friends regardless of age, sex, or where they lived. After gaining a confidence and an overwhelming response to her personality in the chat room, Tina began to answer “asl” with a new, humorous answer.

“32, yes please, California”

The flirting was good-natured, it appeared everyone had a small amount of flirting going on with those that they talked to the most. Tina had a handful of people that she talked to on a regular basis, the relationship between her and those people grew from discussions in chat to adding them to her instant messenger for more of a personal setting.

Her first add was her close friend “Sam”, whom she felt was one of the most warm-hearted and genuine woman she had met. Upon anyone entering the chat, “Sam” greeted each member kindly, providing a sense of comfort if they were new to the room. “Sam” was the first woman that greeted Tina, their friendship growing from that moment on.

Tina and “Sam” became friends and often talked on instant messenger while “Sam” worked at a thankless job and Tina settled even further into a routine and needed some conversation during the day. They made a habit out of talking throughout the day on IM and then at night spending hours in the chat room. “Sam’s” recent split with her partner of a year was hard on her, but through the support she received from friends in the chat as well as through Tina during the day, she seemed to be progressing toward healing.

Tina felt confident in her newfound status in the chat room as she began to become a popular member of the room. She often talked about Bette, or Angelica, making it well known that she was involved in a committed relationship and had a newborn child. Tina began to feel confident when women would come into the room asking her advice regarding relationships, having read the discussions Tina shared in chat that revolved around Bette. Those that had children empathized with Tina and her current status of motherhood, others just asked how Angelica was and offered their support.

One particular day, Tina had gotten an instant message from “Sam” regarding her former partner. It appeared that she had cheated on her friend, further escalating the hurt “Sam” felt regarding the ending of the relationship. Tina spent a few hours discussing it with “Sam”, genuinely upset at her friend’s pain. It was hard for Tina to log off the IM with a promise to talk in chat later, given “Sam’s” level of pain, but knowing Bette would be home and dinner needed to be ready proved to be incentive enough.

True to form, Bette arrived home just in time for dinner after a long day’s work. She put her things down and quickly scooped up Angelica, turning her around and planting kisses on Angelica’s neck and cheeks.

“I’ve missed you little one,” Bette said smiling.

She walked over to where Tina was finishing preparing dinner and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“How was your day Babe?”

“Fine,” Tina muttered, her thoughts on the pain her friend was currently feeling regarding the betrayal of her partner.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t tell me nothing, I can see something is wrong. What happened today?” Bette asked concerned at Tina’s obvious anger and concern.

“It’s my friend,” Tina muttered as she continued to chop parsley in anger. “Her partner and her broke up and she’s been having a rough time.”

“How long were they together?” Bette asked as she picked at the salad gaining her a dirty look from Tina.

“They were together for a year and she just found out that in that time, her partner cheated on her.”

“Wow that’s too bad. Who is this again?” Bette asked.

“Sam,” Tina said as she threw the parsley into the salad.

“I’m sorry?” Bette was genuinely confused.

“My friend Sam.”

“Do I know this person? I never remember meeting a Sam?”

“She’s from Wisconsin.”

“And you met her where?”

“My chat room,” Tina said casually as she sat down and began to dish out the salad and chicken she had made for dinner onto two plates, handing one to Bette.

“Chat room?” Bette’s eyebrow shot up in question. “What’s this about?”

“I met her in a chat room.”

“What kind of chat room?”

“One geared toward lesbians and bisexuals,” Tina continued eating as if oblivious to Bette’s growing concern.

“Tina, I don’t like this at all.”

“Like what?” Tina said in a voice to challenge Bette’s concern.

“I don’t like the interaction of a chat room or even an IM when you have no clue who the person is.”

“Bette, it’s not like she’s doing anything other then leaning on me to talk about her failed relationship.”

“To someone she doesn’t know!”

Bette put her fork down and pushed her plate out of the way in an effort to illustrate how serious she was in her distaste of chat rooms and even instant messenger when it was with someone that Tina had no prior knowledge of.

“If it were someone you knew beforehand, not just in a cyber world, then maybe I wouldn’t be so opposed to it. But the fact remains, people are never what they seem on the Internet Tina.”

“Bette,” Tina said mockingly. “You don’t even know these people to make a judgment.”

“Neither do you frankly. Anyone can be what they want online, it can be dangerous!”

“Ugh,” Tina got up in haste and cleared the table leaving a stunned Bette sitting alone at the table.

That conversation took place, at this point, several weeks ago never to be touched on again. It was obvious that Bette and Tina were polar opposites on this issue. Bette feared Tina’s naivety regarding the Internet and offering what may have been innocent information, but when placed in the wrong hands could have potentially an extremely negative impact on her family. Tina found an outlet for her loneliness and wanted to continue to find amusement in her newfound friends.

Tina began to explore beyond just the chat room associated with the site. She started with reviewing the message boards on the site with great interest. There were a few things she noticed, some women definitely had a lot to share given the amount of posts they had listed next to their name. Some of these women had sound advice, some seemed to be rambling while they never touched on the topic of the thread.

There was one particular woman that caught Tina’s eye. She had posted, to date, over 100 posts that touched on a variety of topics. Even her name intrigued Tina as she combed through threads in search of it. “Charlie” offered a supportive ear to those that needed it, advice to those that asked, and was well known in on what was Tina’s favorite site. Tina wanted to learn more about “Charlie”, who seemed to make an effort to reach out to those questioning life, needing support, or one thread that caught Tina’s eye regarding sexual pleasure.

Tina read a total of 13 threads that “Charlie” commented on. The last one, regarding oral stimulation, actually began to arouse Tina. Tina looked at her watch, seeing that Bette would be home in a half hour. Angelica was still down for her nap and Tina wasted no time in unbuttoning her shirt, throwing it near the door to leave a subtle hint for Bette, and heading into their bedroom to light candles for what she hoped would be a romantic evening. She called Bette’s cell phone from the bedroom, smiling when she picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Babe.”

“Hi,” Tina said seductively. “Where are you?”

“Driving home,” Bette answered with a smile on her face. “Why? Am I late and don’t know it?”

“You are late.”

“I left early Tina, so I can’t be that late. What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that I need you right now and I am pretty inpatient,” Tina said seductively.

“I can tell,” Bette chuckled. “I’ll be there in about 10 minutes.”

“Make it 5 and you can pick up where I’ll leave off.”

“Don’t let yourself get there,” Bette said as she checked traffic and changed lanes to speed up her journey home.

Tina hung up the phone and looked at the clock. She closed her eyes and willed herself to wait for Bette to arrive to begin their seductive dance. She closed her eyes, thought about “Charlie’s” post, the technique described, the intricate details she described, and she felt her arousal growing.