Later, Bette would say that she had no idea what possessed her to call and ask Tina if she could come over. But that was a lie, she knew..it was the same thing that caused her to cry herself to sleep at night, to drink more than she could handle, the same thing that had made her stop caring about everything: Loneliness.

Things were so out of her control lately, that she had trouble remembering the last time they really had been. She thought she had control of her marriage, but that was perhaps the biggest lie of all. She shook her head at such thoughts. What good was it to focus on that in the present when she could always think on it while she tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep at night?

She pulled the Saab into a parking space in front of Tina’s apartment building. She had to hand it to James. The place was nice, and it was less than a mile from the house that they had once shared. Bette could even change the route of her way home a little, and be able to pass by without being too suspicious. Tina also had a lot of elderly neighbors, which meant that there was no chance that there could be anyone else besides Helena that Bette would be forced to compete with. Bette had learned to be grateful for the little things.

She knocked lightly on the door of apartment 4, and Tina opened it, wearing a blue cotton robe, and her fuzzy slippers. Yes, Bette remembered those. It seemed so long ago, like another lifetime.

“Come in,” she said, softly, and Bette followed direction. She had no idea whether to stand or sit, and while being there had seemed like such a good idea at first, now Bette wasn’t so sure.

“Sit, do you want something to drink?” Tina asked, already on her way to the kitchen.

“Bottled water would be nice,” Bette said, deciding to sit on the green couch situated in the living room.

Tina returned with two bottled waters, handing one to Bette and sitting in a chair across from her ex. If there was one thing that hadn’t changed since their time apart, it was Tina’s physical attraction to Bette. That had never gone away, and Tina wondered if it ever would. With her hormones in such a whirl, she just didn’t trust herself around Bette, it was that simple.

“What’s going on, Bette?”

“I was at an art opening tonight, The Women of Allah exhibit.”

“Right, I read something about that. I bet it was great.”

“It was, until Helena showed up.”

Tina knew she didn’t have the energy to deal with Bette and her jealousy tonight, so she put her hand up for Bette to stop.

“No Tina, this isn’t about her. Well, it is, but not in relation to you. She congratulated me on working with Leo Herrera to raise money for the CAC. Of course, I have to play it off like I already know all of this. I walked away, as much as I wanted to tell her skinny little ***** off.”

Tina thought that Bette had lost a good ten to fifteen pounds off her own too thin frame since they had been apart, but she was loathe to bring it up.

“They hired Leo without consulting you?” she offered.

“Yes, so I went to Franklin’s, told his ***** off in the middle of his driveway, and then left.”

“Bette, you didn’t.”

“I did. It was stupid, and I was so mad, and so I just did it.”

“So now what?” Tina questioned.

“Now, who knows?” Bette stood and began pacing the small living room. “I suppose I will have a meeting with Franklin and the board tomorrow, and I just have to swallow it, I guess. Franklin says they hired him as a consultant, and not as a fundraiser, which would have been a violation of my contract. Without the Peabody grant, the CAC is desperate for money, Tina. I want to resign.”

Tina stood, blocking the progress of Bette’s pacing. “No. You can’t quit, Bette. You’ve never quit anything in your life, you shouldn’t start now.”

Bette looked at her, eyes watery, “I quit being a good wife.”

“Well, I guess that is just something we both are going to have to get over.”

“Will we?” Bette asked, as she sat back down on the couch. “Get over this, I mean?”

Tina took a seat next to her, and answered as honestly as she could. “I don’t know Bette, and if we do, it might not be the way that you want it to be.”

Bette nodded, and then spoke. “Tina, could you..I mean, would you rub my head? The way you used to?”

Tina looked away, “I’m not sure that is such a good idea Bette.”

“Please, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Just a simple head rub, between two people who are trying to be friends?”

Friends. Would she and Bette ever get to the point where a true and honest friendship could develop? One where they didn’t fight, and where they could be around each other without all of the tension? Tina wanted to think that it was possible.

“Okay,” Tina agreed. She grabbed a pillow and laid it on her lap, waiting for Bette to put her head down.

Bette couldn’t believe that Tina had actually said she would do it, so she quickly kicked off her heels and laid down. It felt so different, Tina’s lap space was noticeably smaller, and so it took a little adjusting before each of them was comfortable. Tina began to run her short nails across Bette’s scalp, remembering how she used to put her wife to sleep, remembering when there wasn’t such confusion between the two of them. Bette’s voice broke her from her reverie.

“When I would have such a ***** day at work, I looked forward to coming home to this. It would remind me of when I was a small girl, and I used to get these awful headaches. My parents took me to the doctor and to the optometrist, but I didn’t need glasses and they couldn’t find anything else wrong with me. My mom would lay me on her lap like this, and rub my head until I fell asleep.”

Bette’s voice was so quiet, Tina felt that if she breathed to loud she would fail to hear something. Bette had never told her this, and she didn’t want to miss a word.

“The first time you did this for me, the first time you told me to lay across your lap, I knew that I was home, Tina. There was never a question in my mind that you were my home.”

“I wish it was still that simple, Bette,” Tina sighed. There was no question that she was still in love with Bette, and Tina knew that even if they didn’t get back together, any future romantic prospects would always be compared to her. Bette had and would always be that one great love, and anyone else would probably continuously be compared to that. Of course, Tina knew that she still had a lot to consider in terms of going back into that relationship, but for now she kind of liked the idea of living alone.

Tina could hear Bette sniffling and knew that she was crying. She continued to rub her head, knowing that she had to let Bette deal with her own demons. She had to stop being the one to save her, and let Bette learn to save herself.

“You ok?” Tina asked, after listening to the minutes pass on the wall clock behind her.

“Tina, this couch is hideous. How could you buy such a monstrosity?” Bette teased as she sat up, wiping her face and unable to keep the smile from her voice.

“Hey, it came with the place. I kind of like it, it reminds me of the furniture we had when I was growing up.”

Bette smiled, “I should go, it’s getting late,” she began to put her shoes back on then stood up, walking to the door.

Tina stood as well, stretching out the tightened muscles in her back. She almost told Bette that she could just stay, but she knew that wasn’t a good idea. Before she had time to think on it anymore, Bette moved closer and put her arms around her. Tina’s face fit perfectly into Bette’s neck, and she smelled the familiar perfume and natural spicy and clean smell of her ex. Her lips opened a little, and she placed a light kiss on the soft mocha colored skin.

Bette pulled away first, finding that the feel of Tina’s lips on her neck still made her feel weak in the knees.

“Thanks, T. For tonight, for everything.” She flashed one of her trademark smiles, opened the door and walked out into the balmy Hollywood night, her heels clicking on the paved sidewalk.

Tina closed the door, locking it and turning off the lights, making her way to the bedroom. For both of them, sleep was still a long way off.