CHAPTER 22

Flashback – Reprise

As we walk down the corridor – all white, everything in this corridor is so white, it looks like… well, like it’s almost heaven – Carmen takes my hand. And she squeezes it. It’s one of her typical signs of reassurance. One of her silent messages just to tell me that she’s there for me.

The truth is that I didn’t feel like doing this. Not alone, at least. Yes, Dante is my friend. Honestly, he is one of the greatest and purest friends I’ve ever had in my life, but still I am scared. And Carmen felt it. She asked me if I wanted her to come with me and I said that I sure did.

And now we’re here and Dante’s room is 155. Thank God there is not any "three". I hate that number, now. It scares me, it’s haunting.

Right in front of the closed door, Carmen stops me and rests her hands on my face. She stares at me, she watches me straight in the eyes. Her eyes travel over my face as if she’s trying to read me deeply.

I smile at her, weekly, and she gives me that bright smile that makes everything right in the world. And my heart bumps. And I feel it, again. I feel that I am so in love with this woman. My memory travels back and I remember my runaway in Whistler. It seems like it’s happened a very long time ago. It seems like I’m looking at someone who’s not me anymore.

I’m not that kind of person, today. I am not what I used to be. Not only I am not afraid of commitment. Not only I never cheated on Carmen. Not only I am ready to face my feelings day after day. The good news is that I also feel like I’m meant to be this person that I’m becoming. The partner. The parent. The lover. The friend. The trustworthy, the reliable one. The obtainable one. And I’m meant to be with Carmen and that’s it. There’s nothing else that I want, but her. No other women in my bed. No other love.

Carmen is still looking at me with that face. She doesn’t talk, she just bites her bottom lip and I’m melting into her eyes. So I kiss her. My lips on her lips. Her tongue in my mouth and despite the long shower we took together, I can still feel her scent all over my body, like a brand.