Previously….

Tina didnt saying a word. not just yet, her emotions were playing havoc and she had to reign them in. Tina was doing her darnedest, and succeeding (for the moment) at masquerading her absolute sorrow. Her face was totally unreadable, she couldve been going to a celebration or a wake, and Bette and Nancy wouldnt have been able to tell the difference.

They both carefully, slowly, hesitantly wandered over, sitting on the side of Tinas bed, waiting for her to speak.

After minutes of silence, that felt like weeks, Bette couldnt stand it anymore, so she acceded the urge and spoke up, (almost shaking, nervous about the answers she was about to receive) So Tee, Umwhat did the doctor have to say?..

Tbc.

Chapter 35

Tina looked into Bettes piercing brown eyes, taking her hand gently in her own, before looking over at her mom, lovingly smiling, (using all the self control she could muster, to not become emotional) Please dont worry so much you two. I am going to be ok. Tina lied.

Bette: (anxiously, talking hastily) Sowhat did Dr Hunter say? Are you going to heal? Are you going to completely recover Tee? You had really significant injuries. What can we do? Do you need specialist treatment? You know I can organise..

Tina interrupted, (calmly, tears welling in her eyes) putting on her game face, Bettebaby, calm down okplease. Take a deep breath. (Bette did) Now if you both take those depressed looks of your faces I will inform you what the doc said!

Bette forced a light smile to invade her lips and Nancy looked at her daughter proudly, impressed with the strong young woman she saw before her.

After seeing the looks and the body language of the two women when they entered the room, Tinas heart melted, she decided, at that moment, that she was going try and indeed conquer these improbable odds, if not only for herself, but for these two incredible women who loved her.

She needed them both desperately, but . was torn; she wanted to protect them too, protect them from the uncertainty that now veiled her life.

Before she said a word, Tina figured she had to decide as well right there and then if she could take that one more chancethat last chance on Bette.

She had lived their future for a week and knew how incredible it washow incredible it could still be. Tina desperately hoped that Bette would still want that, their future, as much as she did, would still want her as much as she did Bette if and when she found out!

What was she going to say to them?

Tina: (snapping out of her thoughts) Ok thats better.. smiling lightly, thoughtfully at both women.

She looked caringly at her mom; a single tear trickled down her cheek as she squeezed her moms hand, (her eyes pleading) Mom, do you think I can speak to Bette first?.. Please mom, I know youre really worried but I just need to discuss a few things with Bette first?

Nancy: (a bit disappointed but understanding, resignedly) Ok then, sweetheart as she slowly rose from Tinas side, gave her a kiss on the cheek and wandered sullenly out the door.

Tina watched her disconsolate mom walk out the room before she immediately turned her attention to Bette; whos face had suddenly become ashen, and her eyes were hastily becoming red and puffy, full of unshed tears, (cautiously whispering) Its bad, isnt it baby? Bette offered staring intently, deeply into Tinas eyes, terrified of the response she was about to receive.

Tina gripped firmly onto Bettes hand, the gesture somehow giving her the strength to speak from her heart. Looking directly into Bettes eyes, getting lost in the unequivocal love emitting from those eyes, Tina made her decision, she was giving that chance to Bette, and so she began, (determinedly) Bette Initially I wasnt going to tell you everything that the doctor told me baby(Bette went to speak but Tina put her hand up to her lips, shaking her head vigorously from side to side) my first reaction was to protect you and my mom, (tears began to stream from Tinas eyes) because yes. it is pretty bad, and I would deal with it by myself..(taking a deep calming breath) but you know what I decided, just now actuallyWe have been through so much babe and I need for you to know everything, what we will be faced with, possibly for the rest of our lives, before WE decide if WE are going to be together or not.

Bette: (tears began to run down Bettes cheeks too, she was extremely worried about the news that Tina was yet to disclose, but she couldnt help but be elated that Tina seemingly hadnt given up on them either) Tee, Im glad you..

Tina interrupted, (adamantly staring into Bettes eyes) Bette, can you just let me finish first please babyI need for you to let me finish first ok (Bette nodded). (statedly Tina continued, looking down at their hands intertwined with each others, gently rubbing Bettes thumb with her own) I want you to know that I dont expect anything from you Bette after I tell you, I can get through this if I have to on my own(her voice cracking with emotion) I do still love you baby, so much, and we have a lot to sort out, but I love ME too and if you do decide its too hard, I will do this. I will get through this for me!

Bettes mind was in disarray, she was somewhat confused about what Tina was talking about, Tee I will..

Tina: (desperately trying to keep her composure, to get through telling Bette without completely breaking down) No Bette just listen, please!

Bette: Ok Teego ahead wrestling with her desire to know and her patience; the latter barely winning, her full attention solely on Tina.

Tina patted the bed next to her, encouraging Bette to lie down with her. She needed to feel close to Bette, to be able to divulge her news without becoming too emotional. Bette obliged hastily and happily, fearing Tina would change her mind, snuggling next to Tina; holding her love in a comforting, warm embrace.

Tina rested her head on Bettes shoulder, wrapping her arms around Bettes slender waist, (hesitating, momentarily having second thoughts) Bette you already know about the injuries I sustained

Bette: MmmmHmmm..

Tina: Well due to. due to (stuttering slightly, it was no use fighting it, she was becoming choked up with emotion) I cantI may never be ablemy legs areFuck, this is hard.

Bette: (encouragingly hugging Tina tighter) Tee, you can tell me anything. I love you! giving her a light kiss on the forehead.

Tina relaxed a bit upon hearing those words and thought to herself, Bettes right, ***** it. Just tell her Tina!

Tina: (blurting out) Bette, I cant walk ok, I may never be able to walk again! Tina broke down and cried, the intensity of the moment becoming too much for her, the relief of sharing the news with the woman she loved overwhelming.

Bette looked down at Tina in a state of shock and bewilderment, What baby? she whispered, trying to determine if what she heard was correct. Tina looked back up at Bette, hoping to and receiving a positive, supportive reaction. The two women locked their teary, scared eyes with each other and Bette knew in that instant that what she heard was true.

She briefly closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath. Before she got emotional, she had an overwhelming desire.. a need to know everything; she wanted to know all the details of the prognosis so she knew exactly what they were dealing withwhat they were up against!

Bette: (running her fingers smoothly up and down Tinas arm, speaking calmly) God, tell me exactly what the doctor said Tee? Tina saw the unshed tears welling in Bettes eyes as her mind fully processed what Tinas admission meant.

Tina explained in precise detail what Dr Hunter had told her about her head injuries; as detailed as she could recall anyway, while Bette listened intently, taking all the information in.

When Tina had finished, Bette actually felt somewhat relieved, (quizzically) Tina, did you really hear what the doctor was saying babe? (pausing for a minute to make sure Tina was listening to her) You have every chance of a full recoverythere is hope, there is more than hope Tee.

Tina: (melancholy) Bette I am just so scared that

Bette interrupted, lifting her chin gently with her hand, until Tinas eyes meet with her own searing gaze, (motivationally) You are a strong, determined woman Kennard, I have no doubt that you will get that brain of yours working properly again, dont think IF baby, think WHEN!! We will get through this you and me Teetogether ok!!!

Tinas face became softer, the relief was evident, smiling internally, knowing that she had made the right decision to tell Bette. She had actually heard, for the first time, what Dr Hunter had said and yes, she did feel hopeful; knowing that Bette telling her. Bette explaining it to her made all the difference (sincerely) Thank you Bette, .I know we have a lot to sort out but I do love you too!

Bette just smiled and hugged Tina tightly, protectively.

Tina: (anxiously) Bette.. baby, unfortunately thats not all though. (sadly looking up into Bettes calming, chocolate brown eyes) I cant have children I am unable to carry a child!! I cannot have the family that weve always talked about. I sustained to much internal damage Tina explained the injuries to Bette as Dr Hunter had, pertaining to the resulting prognosis.

It was Bettes turn to cry, she looked into Tinas eyes as her sobs caused her whole body to shake. Tina thought Bette was crying because she had lost her chance at having a family. She wasnt aware that the tears that were free falling were for her and her alone. Bette knew how desperately Tina wanted children of her own and felt a deep sadness that that choice had been so cruelly taken away from her.

Tina played cool, determined to give Bette the option, the option of having her own family if she wanted, without showing emotion. secretly dying on the inside. She didnt want to force Bette to stick by her, to remain with her because of some sense of loyalty or pityor (worse still) guilt. She wanted Bette to stay only if that was what she REALLY wanted.

Tina: (resolvedly) I want you to think about this Bette, because if you stick with me; if you want to trying to mend us, and if we decide to try and get through this together, its going to be extremely hard for both of us Bette. We have a lot of ***** to deal with you know and now we will have this on top of that (pausing momentarily, sensing her composure weakening) The thing is I have to do this baby, you dont .You can go on with your life, and find someone who you can have that family you always wanted with. I want you to know that Im releasing you from all obligation, you are free to choose whatever you want to without remorse or regret. I only..

Bette interrupted, she was becoming frustrated with Tinas words, (sternly) Tina are you finishedis that it, is that all the news you need to tell me? Can I speak now?

Tina: (quietly) Ok.

Bette: (her voice was filled with emotion) Firstly baby, I do have to do this, I do have to go through this just like you Tee; and just so were incredibly clear here, I have already found the person I want to have my family with; I want to share my life withthats you, that has always been you! tears were clouding her eyes, streaming down her cheeks.

Bette: (determinedly) Why would I want anything else, anyone else? This is not a choice for me Teethis is our lifeyours and mine, and Im going to do everything I can to make it a happy and healthy one, for both of us, no matter what the outcome of this!.(looking deeply, sincerely into Tinas eyes) Tina, I love you, together we will get through this, we can work it out and anything else that comes our way too(sombrely, lowering her head in regret) Unfortunately babe, I know what it feels like not to have you in my life, and I never want to know that feeling again. (looking once more into Tinas blurry, teary eyes) Do you hear me Tee, do you understand. I AM NOT ***** GOING ANYWHERE!!!

Tina looked at Bette in disbelief; she had never heard Bette so open with her emotions and her feelings before. Wow she is really trying to change, Tina thought, impressed.

Tina: Are you sure because if youre not I unders

Bette cut Tina off the best way she knew how; she smothered Tinas ramblings with her lips in a passionate, surprising, soft kiss that portrayed to Tina what her words seemingly couldnt. Tina returned the tender, loving kiss almost instinctively; it had been so long since Tina had felt that unquestionable love, which before seemed to always emit from Bette.

She pulled away a little breathless.. and convinced, (looking deep within Bettes eyes) Ok babe, lets try!

Bette just simply smiled and nodded, still feeling the after effects of Tinas lips being on her own.

The only reservation Tina couldnt remove from her mind and her heart, not yet anyway; was the niggling thought that even when she was a fit, healthy, strong woman Bette had strayed; how could she possibly keep her now that she was and could always be physically. restricted?

Ok, so Tina resigned to the fact that they had a lot to get through, a lot to work out, but she would worry about that later. Today, right now, her and Bette had gotten through the tough time together and that was what she wanted to concentrate on for now; a positive step forward, the rest could wait!

Tina suddenly remembered her mom, waiting, *****, Bette.do you think you could go and retrieve my mom. Shes probably going mad. (hesitantly) and could you stay with me while I tell her? (looking at Bette with pleading eyes) . please baby?

Bette: (smiling lovingly at Tinas shy request) Tee, I told you I am not going anywhere!

Bette went out and grabbed Nancy, bringing her back in to her daughters room, hopping back onto the bed, enveloping Tina back into her loving, safe arms. Tina reached out grabbing hold of her moms hands. Bette just held onto her wife, the love of her life, while she informed her mom of the prognosis. Nancy broke down almost immediately, crying for all that her daughter had lost..all that she had to now endure.

Finding the strength from Bettes embrace and safety in the knowledge that she wasnt alone in this, Tina kept her composure, despite temporary, momentary lapses, and managed to kind of convince her mom that everything was going to be ok

Nancy managed to compose herself slightly, (sniffing) Sweetheart, I am going to head back to the hotel for a while.just to um, freshen up. I will be back soon ok! Truth be told, she needed to get out of there and calm herself so she didnt completely lose it in front of her daughter.

Tina: (compassionately) Sure okTake your time mom, I am not going anywhere. Nancy gave her little girl a quick kiss on the cheek, whispering, I love you Tina! and she was out of there.

Tina: (loudly) MOM(Nancy turned around teary eyed) I love you too! Nancy smiled genuinely and was gone.

After her mom left Tina closed her watery eyes, silently revelling in the feel of Bettes arms wrapped around her for a moment, before letting out a huge involuntary yawn, Owwsorry Babe, Im feeling really exhausted. Its been such an emotionally draining day! (Bette nodded in agreement) Do you think you could tell the girls to come back tomorrow, Im in desperate need of some shut eye?

Bette extracted herself from Tina, standing up, Sure baby, of course Ill tell them. Ill be back soon ok! kissing Tina lovingly, lightly on the lips before walking out to inform the girls.

After letting the girls know, Bette figured she might as well grab a bite to eat while Tina was resting; she couldnt remember the last time she had actually eaten and was starting to feel the effects.

Bette needed to talk to someone anyway; she needed to get this situation clear in her head so she could do whatever it took to help Tina. What she really needed was a good kick up the *****, someone to remind her of what was important and the best person to do that for her was her big sister, one Ms Kit Porter!

Walking out of the ward with her family and friends Bette turned to Kit, Hey Kit, do you mind hanging around a bit longer, maybe grab a coffee?. give me just a few minutes?

Kit: (smiling warmly) Sure baby sisof course I can!

Bette and Kit said their goodbyes to the girls and decided to wander outside into the hospital gardens, to obtain a bit of privacy.

Once they arrived, they sat on a nearby bench. Kit was a little concerned; she observed how despondent Bette seemed, (trying to sound cheerful) So whats up little sis?

Bette: (nervously, hating herself for feeling this way) Kit I really need to talk to you, (hesitantly) umits about Tina!!..

Kit: (encouragingly) Come on baby girl, you can tell me anything!

Bette blurted out, Kit, shes hurt really badly, so badly that she may never recover, and (sadly) I dont know if Im strong enough to help her through this?.

Tbc..