It was close to midnight by the time everyone had left, well, everyone except my brothers Lucas and Giuseppe and my sister Eloisa. They had too far of a drive back to the jersey shore to get started that late. So, we dusted off the other rooms and pulled out the air mattresses. Lara was still amazed at how much of a family I actually had. And thankfully, everyone was very warm and open to her. It made me happy, not that I was worried. Nessa was the only person in the family who had ever had a problem with my sexuality. *****, most of my older siblings had been hippies, and my parents had been beatnicksthen hippies. Siobhan, Giuseppe, Eloisa, Lara and I were currently curled up on the couch beneath a large blanket, watching old home movies from our childhood. Eloisa was only 3 years older than me, Giuseppe was 37 and Lucas was nearing 40. My brother Antony was the eldest at 50. Then Nessa who was 49. James and Alessandra were in the middle, the twins as they were affectionately known as, were 45. I tried to name everyone to Lara but she sort of just started to go on her own and introduce herself earlier in the evening. I marveled at how willing she was to do that arduous task, ***** even I tried to skimp on the hellos and goodbyes at family functions. Currently, we were watching a video from my tenth birthday party. I grimaced because Eloisa kept pointing out the stupid faces I was making in the background. My father manned the camera while my mother scolded me on my improper behavior. After a good half hour in silence, Eloisa turned to Lara with a bit of a smirk. So did Jake ever tell you how our parents found out she was *****? Gotta love family, they always try to embarrass you in front of your significant other. I groaned loudly and hid my face beneath the covers, peering out as Lara shook her head, which egged Eloisa on to tell the tale. She was sixteen, and she had this friend, Mary-Ellis. Well Jake had already told me what was going on and I told her to tell mom and dad but little Jakey insisted theyd freak. So one night when our parents had gone out to dinner she snuck Mary-Ellis into her room. Well they start doing the hot and heavy and low and behold, our parents come home early because my dads not feeling well. Lara stared wide-eyed at Eloisa then turned to look at me, I responded by grimacing slightly. Lucas and Giuseppe were already trying to stifle their giggles while Siobhan just shook her head softly. So anywaymy mom hears these sounds coming from Jakes room and Im trying to stop her right? So my mom pushes me aside and opens the door to catch Jake and Mary-Ellis in the act. Lara let out a laugh as Eloisa nodded. I whimpered slightly. That wasnt the worst part of the story, oh no, youd think it would be, but not with my mother. I sighed, resigning to the fact that half the story had already been told. I shook my head at Eloisa, I might as well finish it, and own up to it. Thats not the worst part. I started, everyones attention on me now. My mother looked at us and said Mary Ellis, I never knew you were a natural blonde I was mortified. Mary-Ellis got dressed and ran out of the house, and my mother proceeded to lecture me on safe ***** *****. I said. I could feel my cheeks glowing. Lara sat there in silence a moment before erupting into laughter with everyone else. I shook my head and started to chuckle as well, it felt good to laugh, I needed it. More than I knew. I leaned my head into her shoulder and sighed heavily. Im so glad I found you. She leaned down to whisper in my ear. I smiled, before pulling her face to mine to kiss her, holding onto her lips as though the world were going to end once I let go. I was so engrossed in this kiss that I didnt noticed that everyone else had gotten up and gone to their rooms. It wasnt until I heard the doors shutting that my attention focused back to reality. I sighed and nestled into her as we both settled onto the couch, entangled in a mess of arms and blanket. Tomorrow we were going home. Id have to go back to editing the film, life would move on. But I didnt want it to. I wanted this simplicity to last forever. I had just lost the last of my parents. My siblings would go back to their lives, and I mine. I would probably not see them again for another 3 years. Part of me hated living so far away from them, but another part couldnt imagine living here. *****, if I still did I would not have found this woman. I must have been crying in my sleep because I felt a pair of arms holding me tight. I opened my eyes to see Lara cradling me, brushing the hair away from my forehead. I frowned as I felt the wet hot tears rolling down my face. You okay? she asked quietly. He was going to visit me…if I had picked up when Nessa called two days earlierI could have driven out to see him and hed still be alive. I said between sniffles. Lara held me tighter, shaking her head as she ran her hand along my face, wiping away my tears. She kissed my cheek before moving the kiss to my lips. No Jakedont blame yourself for it. She whispered. She was right, I shouldnt, but I did. Just as I had concocted a reason to blame myself for my mothers death. If I hadnt been so stubborn to drive her to the doctor, she could have been diagnosed earlier. But I was a stupid teenager who had a life. At least thats what I told myself, when in reality she had had cancer for over a year when it was detected, one week didnt make a difference, but as an 18 year old trying to cope with such a loss, it was self-blame that got me through it. I curled into myself, truly letting myself go for the first time in 7 years. I dont know if I finally had had enough, or if I just felt so comfortable with Lara that I knew I could. She rocked me gently as I started sobbing, tears staining the blanket that enveloped us both. She whispered soothing coos as she let me cry. I needed that, and darkness came as I lost myself in the flood of tears. A dreamless slumber that only comes after youve exhausted all emotion and physical strength crying. I admit it was the best sleep I had gotten in years, and as empty as it was, it wasnt. Because I knew that when I awoke, Lara would still be holding me in her arms, face nuzzled carefully against my neck. I loved her. I was head over heels now, and that scared me half to death. I didnt like to let myself go and feel so strong, but I couldnt help it. She had a way about her. It made me feel alive for the first time in my life. And despite the loss of my father, I knew deep down it would be okay, as long as I had this redhead by my side, Id be fine. I felt invincible. I felt loved.