Just once.

It never did.

And he was gone.

Tina brushed away a stray tear that had broken loose. She felt Bette cup her cheek, but still Tina couldn’t open her eyes. She searched for composure.

“Tee –” Bette whispered. Finally, Tina’s eyes opened. She saw patience behind Bette’s brown eyes. Patience and love.

“Losing our first–” She started more confidently than she had intended.

“Tina – “ Bette tried to interject, knowing Tina had disappeared to the day they lost their son.  Bette joined her there, remembering the moment she stepped in the house. How cold and barren it had felt. The darkness seemed to engulf her as she made her way to the bedroom. She could feel Tina’s pain as her cries filled the room.  Her heart seemed to shatter with every step, but something in her clicked when she saw Tina.  Bette knew in that moment, she had to be strong and had to forget about herself.  

Bette opened her eyes in the present and saw a completely different Tina in front of her. One would was her equal, who didn’t need her but wanted her. With this Tina, Bette didn’t need to be strong, or fear her vulnerability. She could speak her wants and her maternal desires freely, knowing Tina would give her the time and support necessary, as she had when they had first begun their affair.  This Tina was the one Bette had always needed.

“And everything that surrounded my pregnancy, the complications during birth – I mean, I’m focusing on my career.  I love my job, and I just don’t think –“

“—what makes you think –“

“ – I can do it, again.”  Tina surprised herself in her admission.  The thought of another pregnancy, as amazing as it was the first time, was too much, too daunting. She had barely recovered, and she knew she would not be so lucky a second time.

“Tina, I’m not talking about you doing anything.”  She took Tina’s face in her hands and tried to stop her from continuing on.

“Well I just thought that –“

“ – you’d be the one to carry?” Bette smiled.  

“Bette?”  Tina’s mind flashed to the possibilities of what Bette could be trying to say.  They had had a conversation very similar to this many years ago, when the subject of children first arose. The conversation was less about who would be the birth mother, and more about the qualities in a donor they should look for. It seemed that Bette had made the decision on both fronts.