Restrained Recovery
By owelpost (drakkar@rogers.com) and windrider (chelm@netwalk.com)

All appropriate disclaimers apply.

Part Fifteen

– x –

Rachel was beside herself with frustration. She hated doing this womans make-up. Even for ordinary outdoor shots in a conventional role, which only required 90 minutes or so of hair and makeup in the morning, she was impossibly rude and twitchy. Whoever cast this ***** as a god-damned mutant in an X-men film was a fool, Rachel thought, as she again tried to get the actress to hold still so she could finish Susans elaborate makeup design over her left breast. Another hour of this and Im going to hurt her, she thought.

Susan wants to see you, Jeanette tapped her on the arm. Ill take over.

Rachel smiled gratefully and headed for Susans office, collecting her thoughts. Usually, in studio, Susan was all business. Still, shed been so edgy over this thing with Lara. Susan, I swear, if you keep assigning me to do that womans makeup, Im going to.

Close the door, Rae, Susan said softly, eyes gleaming, the auburn highlights in her hair blazing in the sunlight that filtered through the shade-drawn window.

Rae took a deep breath, knowing this wasnt studio business. Susan stood up and walked across the room to the wall safe, hips moving just so, arms swinging like that, in a way that made Raes pelvis tighten and sweet desire sweep through her. How Susan managed to do that was still a mystery to her. She only knew that she could and would fall to her knees for whatever Susan offered or demanded, no matter who she belonged to at the moment.

Susan pulled a video tape out of the safe, left it standing open, walked over to the credenza by the conference table, and slotted the tape into the TV/VCR combo. She motioned for Rae to join her at the table, lightly playing one hand down her spine as she sat. The tape noise cleared past the leader, and the images of Lara making love to a bound and blindfolded Dana flickered on the screen.

Susan laid a hand on Raes, and squeezed tightly as the intensity of the couples lovemaking grew. The tape aroused Rae and disturbed her at the same time. Voyeurism was never her thing, except as a prelude to doing rather than watching. And there was something about the way Lara remained so tender and loving while maintaining such absolute control at the same time that stirred some sad longing, not for something shed lost but for something shed never had.

Susan dug her nails into Raes hand and a furtive side glance at her profile, the tension in her face as she clenched and unclenched her jaws told Rae that this tape was upsetting for her to watch. My god, shes jealous! The realization took Rae completely by surprise. Susan had never treated Lara as anything but another possession, like all her subs. Rae had no delusions about Susans feelings toward her. She was a pet, an amusement, and sometimes, a useful pawn in Susans various games, whether it was keeping Lee in her camp or coaxing a restraining order from a court. She was never more than that. It hadnt occurred to her that Lara might have been.

What are you going to do with this? Rae asked Susan in a soft voice when the tape finished. She was afraid of the answer. Of course Susan would use it, without hesitation, if it served her purpose.

Seemingly composed and confident as always, Susan answered: That will depend on Lara. She tapped the remote against her chin. Ive got nothing against Dana. Shes lovely, actually, quite. Susans eyes darkened, remembering her night with Dana at The Planet. The way she responded to Susans touch. Given more time, Susan could have had her any way she wanted. Probably still could, if she wanted to invest the effort. That thought pleased her, and she smiled to herself before standing and walking to the desk, where she drew out a large manila envelope and held it out to Rae.

I want you to take this to Lara after work. I want to know how she reactshow she looks, what she says, everything. Susan stroked Raes face with one finger, nail just lightly scraping the skin. Tell her I want to see her, after shes had time to think about it.

Something in Rae went cold and hard. Primal feelings crept out of some dark place in her, feral, angry, and jealous. What are you doing, Susan? The words came out more confrontational than they should have. Rae held her breath, waiting for recrimination that didnt come.

Reminding Lara whos in charge. Susans eyes sparked with anger and something else Rae didnt want to know about.

Rae was starting to feel pale and breathless. There was no telling where Susan would go with this, and she wasnt sure she wanted to be in the middle of it.

Where should I meet you?

At the club. Ive got some bookkeeping to do. Then well go back to my place for drinks and whatever. She gave Rae a knowing smile. Dont worry about Lee. Ill take care of it. She began shuffling papers on her desk, making it clear to Rae shed been dismissed.

Rachels heart thumped against her ribs. She nodded, tucked the envelope under her arm, and let herself out of Susans office.

– x –

Dana leaned her head against her locker, feeling the coolness of the metal swirl over her skin. After her argument with Lara, Dana had not been sure how she managed to end up at the club to partake in Subarus newest photo shoot. She was thankful that the op was more for show than actual practice, because if shed had to hit the ball with any purpose, she would have failed miserably. It was days like today that made her wonder how her game was ever sharp enough to seed her fourth for an upcoming tournament.

Conrad had been his usual ***** self. Hed commented that Dana looked like ***** warmed over, but something in Danas eyes must have shut him up because he avoided speaking to her after that. He did his job, buttered up the Subaru reps and then dismissed her early. Dana thought he might have been fearing for his life. The way she had been feeling at the time, he was right to be worried.

Now she had no one but herself and the quiet of the locker room. She tried desperately not to concentrate on anything but the sweat caked to her body, the cold metal against her cheek, and the next breath she would take. Try as she might, she did not succeed. Indignation and hurt boiled just under the surface, forcing Dana to confront the feelings she had been using physical activity to avoid for the better part of the morning.

Danas stomach tightened into a hard knot, revolting at the intensity of her physical and emotional fatigue. She sat hard on the bench, dropping her head to rest her chin on her chest. She couldnt breathe deeply; her breath coming instead in sharp little sobs. She sat motionless, absorbing the feeling of utter humiliation.

She remembered back to when she had first discovered Laras track marks, a smattering of pink traces intertwining between her toes. She remembered not recognizing the scars for what they were and then the realization. Her reaction then had been as it was now: immediate withdrawal. Take evasive action and deal with the consequences later. In a panic, Dana had called the only other person she could think of who would have any clue about what to do: Shane. Shane had carefully allayed her fears and pointed out that if Lara wasnt using now, Dana shouldnt worry overmuch about the situation until problems actually arose.

And now the problems had arisen. Lara had brought drugs into Danas home. Dana felt like a fool, first for not having a clue what the ***** she had been looking at, but secondly, and more importantly, for trusting Lara. The night before had been a very large step for Dana–one she would never have taken had she not been pressed into a heightened state of arousal by that mysterious woman. Even now, Dana could barely remember any details about her. She mostly remembered how her body reacted and how she had craved Lara.

She felt embarrassed when she thought about how she had virtually attacked Lara at the Planet and proceeded to seduce her, thereby leading to her own eventual submission. She had let Lara peek into her deepest, darkest desires and had awoken to the brutal reality of intense betrayal. Lara had not only taken all that Dana had offered her the night before, she had asked Dana to trust her, knowing full well that Dana would never have done so if she had known Lara was using again. She felt used. She felt dirty–cheapened in some way she couldn’t even frame in words.

Feeling more than a little lost and alone, Dana picked herself up off the bench. If she didnt get moving, she was afraid she never would. She gathered her towel, toiletries, and housecoat before heading to the showers. After showering she would call Alice and arrange to meet her for a few drinks later in the evening. Tonight the world would go away.

– x –

The late afternoon sun slanted hard through the curtains and fell across Laras waking eyes. She threw an arm carelessly across her face as she fought her way back up out of bad dreams and worse memories. Her body felt heavy with sorrow and shock. It would take more will than she had to force herself out of bed.

As the tears began to bleed again, she rolled over and buried her face in the pillow. Finally, full bladder cramping her, she pushed herself up and out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, avoiding her reflection in the mirror, and started the shower running while she answered natures call.

All her muscles, particularly her thighs, ached as she stepped into the steam and stood in the pounding stream of water, as hot as she could stand it. Looking down, she saw small bruises on her hips where Dana had pinned her hard against the railing. Euphoric recall and exquisite sadness collided. She had never thought, much less hoped, that ***** with Dana could have ever been so intense, so consuming. It was the best shed had since .

She recalled the smell of Susan on Danas clothes, slumped against the wall, and tried to swallow down the sobs that tightened in her throat. Rage, grief and longing poured out of her. Stripped of the life shed hoped for, tried for, all that was left was the truth of Susan. Shed walked away but shed taken Susan with her, in her head, her heart, her body, lying beneath her skin and seeping into her blood like poison.

Everything else felt unreal, Dana especially. Her heart twinged when she thought of her: so nave, almost to a point of innocence, gawky and geeky off court, and a creature of wonder in play, every muscle, every breath, every stroke utterly focused and assured. She was everything Susan was not, and Lara had loved her in ways that surprised her. The loss of her, inevitable though it was, destroyed something deep inside, something Lara had spent a year and a half trying to construct. A life that now felt fictitious, one of normalcy, decency, love, maybe even happiness ever after.

She showered in slow motion, finished, toweled off as she moved like a sleepwalker through the bedroom to find clean clothes. Seeing Danas sweat pants and tank top puddle on the floor by the bed, she dissolved in tears again. Nothing in her life had hurt so much as this. It would be months, if not years, before she sorted through it, that feeling of loss against the anger of having been stripped of her voice when Dana unloaded on her this morning and shoved her out of her life again.

She was just pulling on a clean shirt when she heard the buzzer. Her heart quickened with hope for a moment as she trotted to the intercom, and pressed it. Yes?

Lara?

Her heart shattered and flayed her open.

Its Rachel, Lara.

What do you want?

I need to talk to you.

So talk. Lara tried to keep her voice even. She knew Rachel wasnt here of her own choice.

I have something for you.

Leave it in the mailbox.

Rachel leaned her head against the row of buzzers, feeling the cold metal against her forehead. She felt sick for her part in this. Lara, she almost whispered. Please, I need to see you. Its important.

Lara leaned her head against the wall above the intercom, trying to steady her shaking muscles. Fear wrapped itself around her spine. All right. She pressed the button to open the foyer door. Second floor.

By the time Rachel knocked on the door, Lara had poured herself a very stiff gin and seven. She couldnt do this sober. Whatever this was. And she loved the taste of gin, the smell of it. She opened the door, stood to one side and motioned Rachel into the living room. Want a drink?

Rachel let out a long sigh. Yes, I could use one.

Ive got wine, white or red, gin and tequila.

This is definitely a tequila moment, Rachel smiled wryly and sat down at one end of the couch, leaning her large handbag against it.

Lara brought her a tall shot, and a small plate with lime wedges and salt. Sat them down on the end table. Then positioned herself at the other end of the couch. All without making eye contact with Rachel, until she was ready. She could feel her pulse hammering at her throat.

An objective observer would have been struck by how closely the two women resembled each other. Both tall, almost luminously light, haunting blue eyes. Raes face was more careworn, and there was someone older in her eyes than in Laras. But they could have easily passed as sisters. They were both definitely Susans type.

When the silence became unbearably awkward, Lara took a deep breath and raised her eyes to look at Rachel. So. Why are you here? Susan, I assume.

Yes. Rachel slid her eyes away, reached into her bag.

Lara felt a chill crawl up her spine. Rae reached in, pulled out the envelope, and handed it to Lara, who took it with shaking hands and laid it in her lap for a moment, pressing it to her thighs with sweaty palms.

Do you know what this is?

I think so. Rae closed her eyes, opened them again. There was genuine pain on her face, which clearly telegraphed, this is something bad.

Lara opened the envelope and pulled out the vid caps. She sucked in one harsh, hot ragged breath and stopped breathing. Her eyes widened, her mouth opened, shut, opened again. Panic roiled through her chest, and she felt a searing coldness just beneath her skin. Her breath finally came in hitching gasps as she leafed through the pictures, wondering just how much All of it, my god, all of it. The vidcaps slipped from her numbed fingers, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach and began to rock back and forth, crying soundlessly, trying to keep her life from spilling out on the floor.

Silent tears spilled over Raes lashes and trickled down her face. She reached out with a tentative hand, and laid it on Laras leg. Lara slapped it away. How could you!?

It wasnt me, Lara. She has this guy

How could you be a part of it? Rae, you were never

Rae sagged against the couch. That was then, Lara. This is now. A lot has changed.

Lara grabbed her drink, and downed it in a long series of swallows, welcoming the burn, praying for numbness. Rae tossed down her shot. Lara reached out for Raes glass, walked away to pour another round, sparing the mixer this time, and sat back down, legs still shaking from the effort.

What does she want? Laras voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.

Rae tilted her head, looked at her. What shes always wanted, Lara. She wants you back.

Lara kicked at the pile of vidcaps. She has a funny idea of courtship.

Rae smiled wistfully, Yes, well, mannerly is not a word Id associate with Susan. Shes more a hammer and tongs kinda woman.

Feeling the gin warming through her, Lara laughed and for a moment, there was an odd moment of intimacy between the two women, both subjugated and owned by Susan at one time, they both knew her proclivities and her unabashed love of power. The comfort level dissipated quickly. So what does she want me to do? Lara repeated.

Rae swallowed. She saidto come see her when youve had a chance to to think things over.

What things? Like what she would do with these pictures?

She has a video, Lara. She has it on tape.

Lara felt a cold sickness crush her stomach. Of course, she had known. The angle of the photos. What would she

She didnt say. Im guessing she would put it on the internet.

WHY? It came out as a wail.

Rae shrugged. You know how she operates. Shell use anyone in any way she can to get what she wants. Danas her pawn.

This is not a ***** game! Lara practically shouted. This is someones life, her career, someone that never did a damned thing to Susan!

Your affection for her makes her useful because it makes you vulnerable, Rae observed quietly.

Lara opened her throat and poured down the rest of her drink, welcoming the burn and the aftertaste of the tin. She couldnt even speak.

I need to go, Lara. Rachel stood up a little unsteadily. Ill leave you to think about what youre going to do.

Lara nodded silently.

Rachel walked toward the door, stopped, leaned against the door jamb, hand on the wood, rubbing the grain with her index finger. LaraI know youre probably very fond of Dana but The pain of remembering just HOW fond struck Lara in the throat. but you cant save everyone. Lara, youre the only one who was ever strong enough to walk away from Susan.

Not far enough, it seems, Lara said bitterly.

Only you can make yourself go back, Lara. Its still your choice. Lara Raes voice broke, stay away from her. Shell break you if you go back.

I know, Lara whispered, I know she will.

Rae closed the door behind her, leaving Lara in the silence of unbearable grief and irrevocable choices.

– x –

End Part Fifteen