Bette sat in her bed staring at the wall. It was Sunday, two days after she last saw Tina at Alices party. Since she danced with her and held her. Two days since she spoke to anyone. Bette had come home that night in a total state of confusion. Her mind was overloaded with emotion, her body too weak to do anything. She didnt cry, she didnt get angry, she didnt feel nauseous, she didnt even move. She just came home and sat in bed and didnt move for two days.

She remembered seeing Tina there with Melanie and how much that hurt, seeing Tina so happy. Bette remembered their conversation, how Tina could barely talk to her. Then she remembered their dance. Alice was trying to do a good thing, but sometimes you just cant force things. Alice tried, but it was a futile attempt, she thought as she remembered how lightly Tina held her. She remembered the hurt and pain she saw in Tinas eyes and how she wanted to take that away so badly. She would have given anything to make Tina stop hurting but she couldnt. Bette didnt know what was going through Tinas mind but her words rang in Bettes ears like foghorns on a clear night.

Im sorryI cant do this.

She cant do this. She cant even talk to me. How did it get to this point? Bette didnt know the answers to these questions, and if she did she wasnt allowing herself to admit them. Bette knew that Tina needed to start her life over after the ***** she put her through, but she didnt think Tina would actually do it. Bette had always been so sure of their relationship and she always thought that no matter what her and Tina belonged together. They got through this once and maybe it could happen again.

Who am I kidding? She offered me the world and I threw it away. I pushed her away. I forced her to start over. Too many thoughts were running through Bettes head and she didnt know what to make of them. All she knew was that it was clear Tina had reestablished her life and she did it without Bette. Bette knew that Tina would never completely shut her out of her life, but she didnt know if she could stand to just be Tinas friend. There was too much history there and just the thought of Tina with Melanie rocked Bettes body with an unbearable pain. Well, I guess I have no choice. Its either this or no Tina at all. Bette couldnt stand the thought of not having Tina in her life so she decided she had to make do for the time being. It was going to be hard, but Bette believed that if she could do this, she could do anything.

Bettes phone rang at that moment and Bette was tempted to let the answering machine get it but she felt a twinge of guilt for avoiding everyone all weekend. Her machine had at least twenty messages on it and most of them were from Alice. Bette was glad that Alice was such a good friend, but she just wasnt willing to talk to anyone. Bette decided that she couldnt live in this self loathing forever and decided to snap herself out of it. Bette reached over and grabbed the phone.

Hello.

Bette, its Alice.

Hey Al.

How are you doing? I was just calling to check up on you. I called you like ten times, dont you answer your phone?

Sorry Alice. I havent really been in the mood to talk to anyone.

I figured as much. But listen, the reason I was calling was because we were all going to the Planet and I was wondering if you wanted to come?

Is Tina going to be there?

Maybe. Shane invited her, but I dont know for sure.

I dont know Al

Come on Bette, were your friends too you know. Look, youre bound to run into her sooner or later.

I know, I just dont know if I can see her yet. After Friday night I dont know if she wants to see me either.

Well theres only one way to find out. Look, just come and if youre not feeling it you can leave okay? Besides I know your ***** hasnt left that house all weekend. Its time to get out of there.

Bette let out a sigh as she tried to decide if she wanted to go. Alice was right, she had to deal with this sometime and she might as well get it over with. The sooner she faces Tina the sooner she can start getting over the fact that Tina is with someone else right now.

Fine. What time?

Two oclock. See you there.

Bette hung up and looked at the clock. It was a little after one so she had time to take a quick shower before going. As Bette slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom her mind was having an argument with itself.

Why am I putting myself through this? Its obvious that she needs space from me. Why should I force the issue?

Because you want her back Porter. You saw it in her eyes. There is still hope. She needs to see how youve changed and that you can now be what she deserves.

But she made it clear that she wasnt ready to do this. Can I really just stand by and watch as someone else takes my place in her heart?

Thats not your choice anymore. Its not about you this time. Its all about Tina.

*****!

Bette stepped out of the shower and threw on some clothes. She didnt know if she was ready to face everything but she had to find out for herself. She was not going to back down just because she was afraid that Tina would push her away again. She had to be strong and show Tina she wasnt going anywhere. Bette didnt know what was going to happen today but she only kept one thing in mind as she drove to the Planet to meet her friends. Its all about Tina.

***

Tina sat at their usual table waiting for Alice and the others to show up. Shane had called her and told her they were going to the Planet for old times sake. This used to be a daily ritual for her and but today she felt strange sitting at the table drinking her double shot mocha.

She replayed the events from Friday night in her head and she still couldnt shake the nagging feeling that she wanted Bette back. Tina remembered how she had run out of Danas house with tears running down her cheeks. She felt so empty inside and having to dance with Bette was just one more reminder of why she felt that way. She had held Bette in her arms and for the first time she didnt feel love and support coming from them. All she felt was Bettes pain and it was tearing her up inside. Tina had run out of the house as fast as she could, but when she reached the street she just stopped. Her head was spinning and she could feel her heart contract as she remembered the last thing she saw in Bettes eyes. Tina couldnt believe that after everything Bette had put her through that she could still see the warmth and affection she used to see. It was there, but just barely. It was hidden behind pain and longing and Tina felt sick to her stomach knowing that she was the one who put that look there. But it wasnt her fault this time. Bette pushed her away and Tina was doing the only thing she could. She was moving on. It was not easy, but she was doing it.

Melanie had caught up to her on the street and she had just pulled her into her arms and held her tight. Tina forgot how comforting it was to be in someones arms, and she held onto Melanie with all her might. When they got back to Tinas Melanie didnt question her about Bette or their conversation. She just held Tina as she slept and she was right there beside her when she awoke the next morning. Tina remembered how she woke up and saw Melanie just watching her sleep. It was something that Bette loved to do, and Tina felt tears forming as she recalled the unspoken questions she saw in Melanies eyes that morning. Tina knew it wasnt fair to Melanie to keep backing down every time she got scared that she was falling for this woman because she knew that she was. The only thing that had been stopping her was Bette. But after Friday night, Tina knew she had to let her go forever. She didnt know if this was entirely possible, but she was going to do her best.

Tina smiled to herself as she remembered their date last night. Melanie had taken her to a small caf in Burbank, it was one of those little family owned places, and Tina had the time of her life. After dinner they went back to Tinas and for the first time Tina and Melanie made love. It wasnt rushed or aggressive. It was sweet and tender and Melanie made Tina remember what it was like to be alive again. She was gentle and caring and she knew the right places on Tinas body that would make her shiver. When Melanie brought Tina to ***** Tina felt tears flowing down her face as she came and she knew that while Melanie might never live up to Bette in her eyes, she was enough for now. She made Tina happy and that was all Tina could ask for.

Shane walked in at that moment and Tina snapped out of her daydreaming. Shane ordered her usual shot and sat down next to Tina. Alice and Dana were right behind her and soon the four of them were talking and laughing like old times. Tina felt a certain sadness and she wished that Bette were there with them. She knew that Bette was hurting and Tina genuinely wanted her pain to go away. Tina didnt know how she wanted Bette in her life but she knew that more than anything she needed her there regardless. The past seven years had meant too much to Tina and she would never be able to just throw them away. Bette had a part of her that no one else would be able to touch and she wished that Bette could understand that.

Bette pulled up to the Planet and sat in her car almost shaking. She knew that she was going to see Tina and that meant facing her worst fears, but it was something she had to do. She was an Ivy League educated woman who was self assured and independent. She could not let this take over her life completely. Bette slowly got out of her car and walked across the street. She could see Tina sitting at the table with Shane, Alice and Dana and she breathed a sigh of relief that Melanie wasnt there. Tina would be enough to handle and Bette didnt know if she could handle seeing them together again. Bette walked through the door at the Planet and she saw Tina look up right away. Alice, Dana and Shane turned around but no one said anything. Bette felt herself physically respond at the sight of Tina. She is magnificent, thought Bette as she saw the blonde woman sitting about fifteen feet from her. Bette swallowed hard and tried to take a step forward but her feet wouldnt move. She tried to smile but her face had momentarily gone numb. Bette felt herself becoming short of breath and she had to get some fresh air. She quickly turned around and walked outside.

Tina saw Bettes reaction and felt a frown forming on her face. What the ***** was that? Alice started to get up to go after her but Tina motioned for her to sit back down as she stood up. Tina walked through the entrance of the Planet and looked around. Bette had walked down the sidewalk a little and Tina could see that she was just trying to calm herself down. Tina walked over to her and Bette stopped moving when Tina was right in front of her.

Hi.