Some kind of wonderful

Chapter 45

The next day was bright but very cold so after a good breakfast and an intense bout of passion in the shower they wrapped up warm and set off to explore a nearby mountain. Bette drove them to the car park at the base of the 2000ft climb and they set off walking. The walk was tough but they felt immune to the cold by all the layers they were wearing and the exercise was invigorating. After two and a half hard hours they reach the peak and were rewarded by fantastic views of the rest of the Catskills. Tina found shelter against a huge boulder and they sat down together to enjoy the view and the feeling of being so close to nature. Throughout the walk both girls had been lost in their own world – Tina still going over the revelations of the night before and processing what it meant to her and to Bette. It had crossed her mind in the night what would happen if Ashley was released and came looking for Bette again – maybe it wasn’t a bad thing that soon Bette would be carrying a gun. She looked across at the brunette and took her hand
“We aren’t often as quiet as we have been today”
Bette smiled “ it’s a lot for you to take in  – you need some space to think”
“It is a lot to take in but what is the most important thing is that you told me – that to me is enormous. I could understand if you didn’t want me to know “
“Part of me didn’t want to tell you – not because I thought you would be angry or judge me – that’s one of the most amazing things about you – you are much more open minded than me”
“It pays to have a questioning nature in your new job “ Tina smiled.
Bette kissed her hand “ What I mean is that you face what is in front of you – I am much more of a worrier than you”
“I worry about my parents and I worry about you “
“I am a big girl “
“You are going to be doing a job that will put you in danger “
“Only if I go into the field “
“And I would say that is inevitable given how good you are already showing yourself to be. You will be processing crime scenes and investigating murders in a couple of years I would say – and carrying a gun “
“I might be rubbish with a  gun “ Bette smiled
“And the odds are that if you suck you will practise until you are “ she stopped – she had been going to say perfect but after last nights revelations – that word was on the banned list. “ Until you aren’t rubbish at it anymore “
Bette was sharp enough to know what Tina had been going to say – she lent over and kissed Tina on the lips “Thanks “
“My pleasure “ Tina said – neither of them referring outright to Tina not saying perfect.
Bette “I know that you are going to be a proper investigator sooner rather than later and that is going to give me some fears that’s all “
“I know that – and it is something that we are going to have to talk about “ she sighed and took her sandwiches from her backpack and opened the bag “I am starving “
Tina smiled and got her sandwiches and they ate in silence for a few minutes.
“There is something that you and I are going to have to face – I don’t know if its something that you have thought about “
“What ?”
“Me in the witness stand defending the forensic evidence and your mother – either of them questioning me to try and get someone off the hook.  Its going to be bad enough when the inevitable happens and my dad prospects someone that Emma is defending – but it could happen that Emma has to discredit me to get her client off “
It had crossed Tina’s mind briefly but it was something that she hadn’t dwelt upon. But it was obvious that Bette had. Tina thought about it for a few minutes as she ate her sandwich and drank the coffee from a tiny silver cup attached to her flask.
“I think “ she said “That we cross that bridge when we come to it – who knows what is going to happen in the future. I would hope that Emma and Kate would excuse themselves if you were on the witness list. Surely if it came out that they were you mother in law it would be grounds for an appeal one way or another “
“And what if my bosses always put me on the stand in any trial that your mother’s firm is defence for ? – it could be exploited both ways”
Tina found a tissue and blew her nose – she regarded Bette who was pouring herself more coffee
“We face that when we have to. I think I have said before that I dated a trainee shrink and even though we both moved on we stayed friends – – she is very astute and she was probably the only person at Harvard who knew all about you and our entire history. The others knew the edited highlights if you like. Anyway – Lesley knows me better than anyone else from my college days “ Tina sipped her coffee “ Before I graduated I was talking to her about the prospect of seeing you again and I was in real meltdown – what if she’s changed ? what if she doesn’t show up ? What if she’s got someone else ? What if – what if. Anyway Lesley listens to me for a good 20 minutes of me freaking out – proof by the way that I do worry about certain things. Anyway – Lesley just asks me what good I am doing by freaking out – if any of those things do happen then I will deal with them when I am presented with them. She said that most of the things that we most fear never happen and we waste so much time and effort in the very act of worrying. The more thought about it the more I knew that she was right. Maybe that’s why I seem more chilled out than I am sometimes. I do worry – I worried about what you were keeping from me “
“You didn’t show that you were worried “
Tina exhaled “Because whatever it was – I couldn’t make you tell me any quicker than you did. I know I was wound up last night be because I let myself get stressed”
“And you are stressed over Emma and Kate “
“Yeah – they aren’t helping. The thing is – I knew you were hiding something and it didn’t take long for you to know that I knew. It didn’t stop me falling in love with you because you were still the same kind and thoughtful and just lovely woman I had known when she was still 18 years old. Yes I am glad its out in the open and we both know its going to be something that we discuss a lot at first but – it doesn’t change you in my eyes “
“I am so lucky “ Bette said smiling
“We both are – you have to keep that in mind – you are wonderful – not perfect not even in my eyes are you perfect but you are still wonderful to me and that’s what matters”
Bette lent her head back “ I am sorry I inferred that I had been sleeping around for four years”
“It doesn’t matter “
Bette looked across at Tina “I was scared that it would be obvious that I was – well out of practise “
Tina looked back at Bette “I didn’t notice “
Bette smiled
“But then again your naked body will tend to distract me from a hell of a lot of things and I was slightly drunk “
“We both were “
“I didn’t sleep with you so soon because I was drunk – I wasn’t that bad but it did take away my inhibitions “
Bette chuckled “ As we seem to be confessing stuff “
“You not me Porter “
“I did go into the bathroom at one point just to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that it really was happening – I was making out with you again. There had been times at college when I had to do the reverse – this is not Tina – this is not Tina”
“I did once call a woman Bette “ Tina admitted
“Ouch “
“Exactly “
“So – did you fall in love with anyone ?”
Tina finished her coffee and started to retie her hiking boots. After a few minutes she looked at Bette
“About every few weeks for a while. I was trying too hard to replace you and I was projecting onto them traits and feelings that I don’t think they had. In the end I went off to work for the summer down in Miami at holiday resort. I deliberately cut back on how much I was drinking because I was overdoing it and I had about three months of hanging out with new people and working and earning money but sleeping on my own every night. I needed it – I needed to find out who I was without you. One way or another I was going to be without you for a long time and I had to get to know myself in the meantime. One of the things my mother said the other day when we were talking about the whole thing was that – she was afraid that we were both in danger of losing our identities “
“We went to the same school “ Bette said “And we had lots of homework and we were lovers –  she let us sleep together “
“I think she had a point but I don’t think it was a problem “
“Do you think it’s a problem now ?” Bette asked
“Nah “
“We rarely hang out with other people “
“We have been on a honeymoon of sorts – its only the middle of November – we have been a couple since the 1st of August . If we are so wrapped up like we are in say nine months – then yes – there would be a problem. “
“Do you have friends from Yale in New York ?” Tina asked
“I have friends and I have exes “
Tina was surprised and it showed on her face.
“I didn’t want anyone to tell you my secret until I told you myself “ Bette held her breath for a few seconds before exhaling again “If you want me to be honest I was worried that maybe Emma was going to try and find out if I had done something unsavoury at college and use it against me”
Tina was shocked at Bette’s comment
“I know you have a bad opinion of Emma but she wouldn’t stoop that low “
“She didn’t want us together “ Bette said “That was all I could see, Maybe it was me projecting onto Emma. I had a secret and I don’t keep secrets that well. I was worried that it wouldn’t take much for her to find out”
Tina thought for a few minutes and then nodded “ You are projecting – you do know that ?”
“I know that now “ Bette admitted “She had things on her mind that were more important than what I did at college. But I was worried that somehow or other you would be told what had happened and it wouldn’t be the truth – it would be some version that had made the rounds – that I had lead Ashley on  -that Ashley held a knife to Jessica’s throat and told her that she would kill her if she didn’t let me date her – there are as many versions as they were people who know about it”
That had never crossed Tina’s mind  – she nodded. Yes she could see why Bette had been jumpy about Emma finding out and using it to poison Tina’s mind. But that had not happened.
“I know the truth now “ Tina said “That’s all that matters “ she paused “I would like to meet your friends “
Bette nodded “I promise “
“No pressure “
“No “ Bette said “You have a right to want to meet my friends – you will like them “
“And will you still have dinner with Emma and me ?”
“Of course – I said so yesterday and I meant it. I know there is a lot of work to be done between her and I but I know what it means to you and – well – you are right – mom was right and dad was right –  I have to do it because it is the right thing to do “
“You have a sense of honour that I really admire “ Tina said
“Well you can give me a medal when the first meeting is over – lets see how it goes”
“Mom wants to make her peace with you Bette “
“As the mountain air seems to encouraging us to talk – what about Kate ?”
Tina frowned “ Yeah – well – maybe the mountain air isn’t so good as to make me want to talk about her “
“She fell in love with someone Tina. I know you and I weren’t impressed with how she dealt with it and her silence ever since has been shameful – but – she is your mother”
“I cannot help taking Emma’s side. I know she is difficult but she didn’t do anything wrong”
Bette could have argued for a good couple of hours about what Emma had done wrong in her eyes but she did know Tina well enough to know that it wasn’t worth pointing out how Emma had messed up.
“It shows what an amazing person you are that you have moved on from what Emma did to us but at the same time – Kate was on our side “
“I don’t know if she was – I know them well enough Bette. If Kate had wanted to stop Emma bullying both of us — she could have. She didn’t “
That was a re-writing of history as far as Bette was concerned but she wasn’t going to spoil the excellent mood between them to argue with her. She shrugged
“They could have all done more if we are being honest “ Bette said hoping that was enough to make Tina change the subject to something else. She folded the paper bag her sandwiches had been in and returned it to her rucksack – she looked at her watch
“How about we head back – it shouldn’t take us as long to get back down again”
“What do you want to do tonight ?” Tina asked
“I thought you could drive us back and meanwhile I will  find us somewhere nice to eat tonight – we could dress up smart and go for a romantic dinner – then tonight when we are alone we could undress one another and make love “
Tina smiled “That sounds very nice “
“I hope so – I want this weekend to be special for you”
“Every day is special “ Tina said honestly
“I know I cannot afford to spoil you like I would want to”
Tina lent across and kissed Bette again “Listen  – we are together – that is something that money cannot buy. We have something good – that matters more to me than money at the moment. I know we don’t have much money but we have loads going for us that some people don’t have. I wouldn’t swap our lives for anyone else’s “