Fan Fiction
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The Architecture Of Love
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SEVEN
Three days pass.
Three days of emotional agony, of depression, of autistic heart.
Three days to think about Shane again and again, to think about her words, her fear, her desperation.
Three days to convince myself that everything is lost, and everything is over.
Was there an everything?
Actually not.
I had nothing, right from the start, despite her few words of love and despite that kiss.
If I think about Shane’s lips I melt, I boil inside, I feel like I’m about to explode.
But Shane is not here.
I’ve been staying in my apartment for more than forty-eight hours, just me and Blanche and some ice cream in order to get rid of my depression.
And the only positive thing is that now I’m talking with my best friend Alice, who’s on the other line at the phone.
I’m laying on my couch, my hair all messed up and wild, my black silk pajamas still on and my monocle cat purring on my stomach.
“….Mm-mm….”, I murmur, stroking Blanche’s ears, “…Do you ever wonder if while we spend all this time anthropomorphizing our animals… maybe they’re just anthropomorphizing us?”, I ask Alice.
Blanche purrs again, louder this time, half closing her eye.
“…hmm… I didn’t think so…. Who? Shane?”, I shake my head, “….No, trust me. I’ll never hear from her again…”.
Alice says something silly, something to cheer me up and I narrow my eyes in irritation.
“…Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m fresh out of jokes….”, I sit up on the couch and Blanche jumps off my stomach, slowly pacing the apartment.
“What, is that a rhetorical question? Why is my life so complicated?”, I roll my eyes, “…Gee, I don’t know. Why is your life so fucking simple?”.
Right then, somebody knocks on the door.
I get up slowly and listlessly.
“Hold on. There’s someone at the door…”, I tell Alice and she doesn’t shut the fuck up.
“…Well, I don’t know until I answer it, do I? …Yeah, I’ll ask who it is. Hold on”.
I open the door and Shane is standing right in front of me.
Her dark hair dangling over her forehead, her eyes green and sad.
She’s wearing black jeans and a black sweater and I stare at her mouth agape, like she’s a vision, the receiver pressed against my chest.
She looks up and chains my eyes to hers.
“Hi…”, she says, under her breath.
My heart jumps and hammers into my chest and suddenly I realize that I am a mess, that I am wearing a pajamas and she’s so beautiful, I realize that I look tired and shitty and she’s standing right in front of me and I should be all sexy and seductive and sultry and instead I am just… well, just a fucking mess.
“Uhm… hi… I’m… I’m just on the phone….”, I stutter, motioning to her to come in.
Shane steps inside my apartment, shyly and uncomfortably, and stares at her own shoes.
“…I’m gonna wrap it up, okay?”, I stutter again.
I close the door behind her shoulders and flip my phone closed, hanging up with no further words.
I’ll apologize later.
“M.C.I.”, I say, shrugging, “They’re geniuses at tricking you into conversation”.
“I can’t stop thinking about you”, Shane says quietly, immediately, looking at me straight in the eyes, and suddenly I’m lost of words.
I swallow hard and try to smile.
“I… I love conversations that start with somebody saying ‘I can’t stop thinking about you’….”, I murmur at super-speed, “…Mind you, I’ve never actually been on the receiving end of any of those conversations and –“.
“Just looking at you makes me happy”, Shane says abruptly.
“I have… I have to sit down…”, I mumble, blindly looking for the couch, and not breaking eye-contact with her.
Now Shane is looking at me from above and I feel… I don’t know, I don’t even know how I feel. I feel all and nothing at the same time, that’s for sure.
“When we’re together… whether or not I show it….”, she groans, slightly, “…I just can’t wait to hear the next words out of your mouth”.
My eyes grow bigger and bigger.
“…But right now I need to ask you to do something for me…”.
“Whatever you want…”, I say under my breath.
“Shut up”.
She shows me the palms of her hands.
“Shut up… Just… just for a moment”.
I close my mouth immediately and I look at her and my face must be full of hope because Shane blushes, slightly.
She swallows hard, again, as if she’s trying to gather her thoughts.
“…I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about what you said that night… I have no idea why you’re so relentless…”, she shakes her head in disbelief, “…particularly, given the arsenal of defenses I’ve thrown at you. But…”.
And her eyes soften.
“…No matter how hard I’ve tried to block out everything that you’ve said… the message has been received…”.
I let go a long sigh of relief without even noticing it and my eyes fill up with tears.
“…in a place inside me that I thought had died. But it hasn’t…”.
Shane chuckles, briefly and desperately.
“…And that place inside me is alive and well. I can’t make any promises, but… I’d like to try and be with you…”.
Her voice cracks.
“…It won’t be easy, but I’d like to try…”, she repeats.
I raise my hand, shyly.
“Can… Can I say something?”, I ask in a thin voice.
Shane nods her head immediately, confused.
I get up and stand right in front of her.
I slightly smooth down the fabric of her sweater and she throws a glance at my hands.
“You’re right, it won’t be easy, but…”, I say quietly, holding back the tears of happiness that are threatening to fall, “…that’s okay…. That’s okay”.
I giggle silently.
“…I want to be with you, but, you have to understand, I, uhm…”, Shane replies, blushing again, “…I don’t even remember how it works, I… need… I need to take it easy… It may not being conventional, but it’s the only way I feel I can do this. Step by step. At least for the time being”.
I just nod my head and she looks at me like a child would do.
“…That’s not a problem?”, she asks, quietly.
I shrug and chuckle.
“…To be honest, it’s gonna be difficult not to rip out your clothes immediately….but… we can look for other ways, at least for now…”.
She beams.
“There’s nothing wrong with holding each other. hmm?”, I ask, and her smile widens a little.
“Nothing at all”, she replies shaking her head.
“…And sleeping with each other…”.
“We can do that”.
“And… loving each other forever…”, I add, sweetly.
She stares at me with her eyes glimmering.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?”, she mutters.
I laugh briefly.
“I am so glad you’re not screaming that line at me while you’re running out the door…”.
Shane caresses my face softly, her fingers rest on my neck, and I slightly pull her closer to me until our lips meet.
And we kiss.
Standing in the middle of my small living room, we kiss unhurriedly and sweetly and I part my lips and her tongue gently brushes mine.
And I clasp to her shoulders because I can’t take it anymore, because the emotion is too strong, and Shane’s hands rest on my hips and we hug strongly, tightly, and I sigh and giggle and I don’t know what to say.
I’m just happy like I’ve never been before.
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I love it very much. It’s deep, sad, sweet and hot. I never saw that movie were it’s based on, so I was really happy that Shane thought about it and wend to Carmen. Thanks for writing.