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    The beginning of a friendship, chpt 45

     

     

    Tina

     

    Tina… Its not what you think…

     

    My whole body rejected those words… I hated the way she made me feel… I hated myself for allowing her to get so close to me… Wasn’t that always my mistake? That I let people in too fast and too deep. I looked away, unable to control my anger any more I raised my voice.

     

    Its not what I think? Bette? I gave you my biggest fear and you laughed!

     

    *I still can’t believe you did that Bette… I love you so much…*

     

    You fucking laughed at me!

     

    I started making my way to the door… Every step I took my chest felt heavier, as if all the shattered pieces of my heart were drenched in salty tears… I looked over my shoulder right before I took the last step out of that door…

     

    *Save me Bette…*

     

    But I reprimanded myself harshfully and turned, taking that last step…

     

     

    Bette:

     

    It was like the enchantment that had prevented me from moving was taken away the moment she left that room… When I heard her footsteps on the stairs I felt how my feet started to move.

     

    *How could you have been so stupid Bette Porter?*

     

    My heart led the way, finally my feet were obeying some part of my body, even if it wasn’t my brain. This strong muscle that beated only for her led me to the bathroomdoor… Soft sobs that made my soul wince made their way to my ears. And I felt a lump shoot up to my throat also…

     

    I knocked on the door

     

    Tina… Please Tina let me in…

     

    *Well that had more then one meaning…*

     

    Let me explain… Please?

     

    My voice sounded strange, hoarse and raw, as if I had been screaming… I placed the palms of my hand against the bathroomdoor to hold my balance, as dizziness hit me. And when I felt the collness of it, my forehead was soon against that white barrier between me and Tina too…

     

    I had never felt like this… Despair, sadness, craving, anger at myself… And the strongest of all was… Missing… I was missing her so desparetly… As if my soul was ripped in half the moment she had torn her eyes from mine… I was losing myself fully at that moment, when the world started to turn around me faster…

    Comments

    1. not lame at all i thought it was great, pulled on my heart strings anyway . Please hurry up and post i need to know what happens. BTW i lobe Holland come here whenever i can.

    2. the first time bette fainted was when her mom left her? was she afraid tina was going to leave her? a classic example of misunderstanding! I cant wait till your next post (any story) :).

    3. Meh it doesn’t matter if the Mommy thing was lame or not. Bette cracked her head and fainted and right now she’s not totally in the present. The rest of the story more than makes up for a possible moment of cheese and melodrama. lol Damn girl I did NOT see that chapter happening at all. Granted I didn’t see them getting it on either but I really didn’t think Bette would laugh and Tina would get hurt. Yeah yeah I know Bette didn’t mean it that way. Can’t wait for more!

    4. I get the mommy thing. Bette’s mother left her and she felt so hurt and alone. She feels this same emotion with Tina. Tina brings out all those emotions that whe once had for her mother. She is so in love with Tina that if she left she would unutterably destroyed. Do I get a lollipop if I am right? Great chapter and I hope that they are able to work this out. Can’t wait to see if Bette is able to console Tina’s fears.

    5. I guess Bette was afraid Tina would have left her just like what her mom did. So she has panic attacked and sort of memory flashed back… ended up yelled out… mommy? Man, what a sudden change… but it would let Tina knows more about Bette’s past. Great chapter… it seems like NC17 is getting further AGAIN or any chance we might have some make up ACTION :p great chapter.. please continue soon :)

    6. that last word was not lame at all. it fit right in with where you were going. the only other tramatic event in bette’s life where someone she loved was rejecting her was when her mom left. great chapter! keep it up!

    7. Okay, so i know Bette didn’t plan on fainting but hey it gives her another in w/ Tina. That aside i feel so bad for Bette having to reliev what is obviuosly a very painful memory of her mother. Maybe by opening up to Tina about this memory Tina will be more open to Bette explaining why she laughed when Tina confided to her fears about making love to a woman for the first time. Please keep the chapters coming justlove!

    8. it wasn’t lame at all, i totally got the idea, this chapter was really deep, i hope bette will find time to explain about her laughing, so they can make up and share their love

    9. I got it. The only other time in Bette’s life that she fainted was when her mother left her with her father and she could not stand the pain and rejection of the hurt. She was a child and did not understand. She fainted so as not to continue to feel the pain. She was reliving that moment. Great story. please continue.

    10. this chapter is full a deep feelings firstable Tina wiht the fear to get hurt for the people that she loves and second the Bette’s fear to lose the person that loves the most! and be alone again! just like her mother did! this is so good i don’t know why you aren’t so confident of it! but this is so good and is a pleasure read your post!

    11. i’m guessing her mother did the same thing to her… bette might of said something… her mom laughed and later she left her for good… ok i said enough… please post soon

    12. Not lame, don’t insult your story like that – I wouldn’t let anyone else do it. Great chapter as always. I am still totally enthralled by this story. Thanks again for sharing it with us.

    13. I agress with the other, but slowly i get the idea with the last word…and i have to say…just brilliant as usual.. Im sorry that i haven´t read this until now…I had another small operation on my knee…a bone???-something was bad…sorry I don´t know what it calls in english…but it hurts like hell… Have a great time and looking forward for your next postes…

    14. Not lame at all I totally get where you are going and love it. I wait for this story of yours and so enjoy reading it. You make me slow down and consider each emotion. It truly is so amazing what different thoughts run through the mind when you think you are on exactly the same page as someone but things from the clear blue sky come out. We are a collection of our experiences and this is classic. Thanks for bringing these thoughts out for us to see. You are doing such a wonderful job.

    15. Not lame at all, got your point. Bette didn’t want to hurt Tina by laughing but she shouldn’t have laughed, just a smile or a giggle tops. You’re killing me! you have to update your other stories berore continuing this one and you have to clarify all this situation before they got back into “business”!!! lol

    16. I get the mom thing, not at all lame, and I, naturally, am in love with this chapter a little. Sorry this is so short, but if I want to get any sort of decent amount of sleep I need to go to bed NOW! Thanks, as always, for your wonderful story, and I can’t wait for more!

    17. Wow so intense, I understand what Bette is going through right now, she’s reliving her mother leaving her….poor Bette, but she screwed up with the laughing thing. I know she didn’ laugh at Tina, but out of relief, but still it hurt Tina. She really needs to explain her self and I must say it’s a very emotional Bette you’ve created in your wonderful story. Let them talk about what happened and then on with the happy, mushy stuff :o))

    18. wow.. that was… INTENSE!! u scared me… don’t tell me Bette has some sort of brain tumour or something… haha Yea, I’m still thinking that how can we give in to someone so easily although we’ve built such a ‘great wall’ around our heart?

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