I carefully turned you on the side, had tightly embraced you with the right arm, answered your kisses and stroked your body with my other hand. You liked it to be stroked softly and affectionately. Alone the very thought, my hands could touch you, could touch your breasts or caress your nipples, that brought you already in ecstasy. The excitement of anticipation teased you more than the touch itself. Your blood stirred up, you reached for my hand, led it down between your legs. “Oh my God, oh my fucking God." Your labia had swelled so much that I knew it was time to act a little bit more. The small end of your clitoris stretched against me. I knew how sensitive it was now and so I only massaged quite carefully a point over him with my fingertips. Your hand slid between my legs. You moved your middle finger in my vagina up and down.

"Please, Tina, please. I want to feel you in me, please!" Slowly you allow two fingers to penetrate into me. I love to feel you in me, the loving and nevertheless demanding movements of your fingers melting with my body. "Take me, take me now!" you whispered in my ear. I didn’t need to be told twice and glided with a finger into you. Sometimes there were days on which you were completely satisfied with one finger, on which you were so tightened internally that there wouldn’t be enough space for any more fingers. "More, more!" you begged. Slowly I pulled the finger out to conquer you with two fingers again. "I want more of you." My three fingers filled you completely and the faster I moved them your abdomen surrounded me more and more. Your quiet sighs, your heavy breath and what I felt in you showed me that you were just about to come. The more intensely I perceived this, the more I was teased. Our desire grew proportionally, rose further and further, our movements became faster and faster, wilder and fiercer. It was not possible for me any more to hold me back, my groaning became louder and louder, seemed to cheer you and then … we looked each other in the eyes, deeper as one day before and we experienced together the probably most intensive orgasm of our life. It was so unbelievable, fabulously, ecstatic. We were one, not you and me, no two bodies which loved each other, we were the same person. I was in league with you. We flew bodiless through time, the world stopped breathing, all watches stood still, I closed my eyes and we flew away. I don’t know how long we both lay there, nearly unconscious.

With a gentle kiss you fetched me back again. "Shall I go out?" I asked you. "No, please not. Shall I?" "No in no case!" I kissed you affectionately. "I love you." "Ditto … ditto … ditto if you only knew how much. I’m so lucky that I have you." I laid my head on your shoulder and we closed our eyes. We could both feel the muscle contractions inside of our bodies, all the small post orgasms which extended the moment even more. In that evening we both have fallen asleep like that and have woken some hours later, together, into each other. My "I love you." was no such empty phrase which one says because you just had a nice orgasm.  This sentence was more in this moment. From then on I knew that I really loved you, I was sure that I would stay together with you for good and that I never again wanted to be without you, the fusion of two people to a whole, to a completion, to a unity of a being. 

It’s time to tell you all that. I was sure that I am ready for it now, ready for the truth, ready for the right words, ready for a conversation among friends. How deplorable I must look here now, so full of fear, so unconscious and so much ready… to run away again, run in the opposite direction.