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The Fast and Fevered Fall – Chapter Fifteen
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4:30am. Tina listened to the clock ticking, she studied the hands as they kept turning. 4:31am. What sort of time was this to be up, watching the time go by she thought to herself. Her husband was sleeping, or at least she presumed the he was sleeping in their bed. Her daughter, and her husband’s son were both asleep. The house was silent apart from the low sound from the TV, and of course the ticking of the clock.
Tina looked at the bottle of vodka, half drunk on the table in front of her. What was happening in the movie that she was supposed to be watching? She couldn’t remember, the time for following the plot had long since gone. Really she should be thinking about going to bed. She had work in the morning, and more important than that she should be getting Angelica and Mikey to school. She already knew that wasn’t going to happen. Henry would have to take them. She laughed at the irony, Henry would have to take the daughter that wasn’t even his to school because her mother was too incapable of doing so herself.
Five years of marriage and this is all that it meant. Avoiding each other, and when they didn’t the constant fighting over Angelica, over money, over Tina not taking enough responsibility. Henry never got tired of the fact that he wasn’t Angelica’s legal parent. How naïve had Tina been? She actually bought the idea that Henry was a man who could understand, and live with the fact that the child that he helped to bring up would never be his own. That there would always be someone else involved. That when Tina took Angelica to West Hollywood to see the other mother that loved her he would pretend to be OK with it. Tina should have known different. Maybe she just wanted things to be different. Maybe she should just admit to herself that Henry had been a terrible mistake. That she had rushed into marrying him because she wanted something normal. At least what she thought fitted into the category of normal.
There was nothing normal about this though. How could being drunk at 4:35am be normal? Tina wondered how she had ever got into this situation. Was it a gradual thing or did something change within her suddenly? Tina racked her brain, trying to remember the day when she decided that she preferred the company of a bottle of vodka to her husband’s. Maybe it was the day that she had dropped Angelica off at Bette’s house to find a woman answering the door. A woman that she had never met before. It was early so she must have spent the night. Tina knew that Bette had been seeing women, some of whom lasted for more than a few dates, but to actually be confronted by one of them, that was something else.
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I am so with Madcapper on this. Great Update THank you PPS
This story actually makes me feel sick… and that is meant as a huge compliment. Tina’s grief transcends through your writing as well as through the structure of the story. It’s all very impressive. You truly are a gifted writer, citygirl. It leaves me feeling ill… and amazed. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I loooooove this story. You know Tina was never a strong person…she lost herself in Bette…and when Bette proved to be imperfect well Tina just couldn’t handle that. It threw her whole life off course and where you can love a person with your whole heart and soul you can’t let them dictate how you survive. We have to keep a part of ourselves for ourselves…if that makes any sense. Yes Bette cheated but it should not have been the end all to be all of Tina Kennard. She has to get herself back on track for her …not for Angelica not for Henry…not for Bette but for herself….and until she does that well she will continue to spiral until there’s nothing left. Please post again soon. Citygirl there aren’t enough words to throw your way to praise your writing skills.
Two words: OUCH and FUCK, ok that was three but I don’t count the middle one.
This is such a hard story to read but it is just amazing. This Tina is really screwed up. Your writing just gets better and better. Thanks and pps
God, girl, reading this makes me want a drink. I’m just curious, what is so fucking freightening about being complete in oneself? Granted, a true companion and love is a wonderful thing, but it seems to me that being a fully formed self is a prerequisite to having that. I think our Tina is such a sorry-ass because she’s put the cart before the horse.
This story breaks my heart, yet I cannot stop reading it. And I completely echo Jo’s two words. Please post soon.
You really are wonderful at detailing how a person can get lost and then go into denial and start down the path of self destruction. Wish you wrote for IC because they could certainly use your depth.
funnyone makes a good point. I remember Ellen Gootblatt speaking during orientation at my college when I was a noob (er, freshman…whatever) and she said in a relationship you can’t be one indestructible unit. You have to be 2 indestrucible people. For the past year or so I’ve tried to achieve that for myself and I think I’m on the right path even though I don’t think I’m 100% ready to contribute great things to a loving relationship. Tina is nowhere close to being able to stand on her own in this story. Tina on the show isn’t a falling down drunk but she’s bounced from relationship to relationship. My one wish for Tina in season 4 would be for her to get her shit together as a single woman. being single isn’t the end of the world. Nearly 10 years ago I never saw myself being single again, but I went through one or two other relationships after my first serious one ended (which was an engagement) and now I’m single again. And I just feel like I spilled my guts in a therapy session.
Thank you for writing. Really.
Wow. I don’t know if I’ve commented beffore on this but what an amazing story. Tina is my favirite. She is so very troubled and you write them ALL so well. Thanks for taking the time.
Amazing chapter!
And Angelica will be her first wrong to make right eh? Then of course Bette
Hey CityGal, Lony time no comment but I have been lurking and following your wonderful story. I really adore the desperation and depravity with shich Tina has sunk. There are times when hitting the bottom of the barrel are required to realize that there is a way up. Didn’t expect Tina’s to be the bottom of a Vodka bottle but you never know where life will lead you to. I do hope that she will start to make amends however think that there is still some distance to fall. More please and soon. This is a must read story. Thank you so much, Your Loyal Fan.
With tiff and Jo, just to avoid repeating myself.
Another amazingly written heart wrenching chapter! Thanks
I love the rules, but I’ve lost track… Have we gotten to Henry isn’t really a nice guy, Bette & Tina are unquestionably destined to be together, Bette will always be driving a convertible yet? Such a good chapter, Tina is a flawed and troubled woman, but I hope that she will get it together one day.
Tina might have forgiven Bette for the affaire but she still hurt inside and treated Bette really bad. I guess Tina thought that Bette would never cheat on her and when she realized she was wrong she turned to men and looked for normal, if new relationship with a guy failed, it would hurt but also it would be “normal” and give her normal… Tina is too embarrased with herself now and I want to know why she couldn’t make it right as she intended to.
One step at a time, I suppose. She can only right so many things in her state. Angie first, then Henry… but I didn’t think it would be so long before she tried to fix herself. Good stuff… *heavy* stuff, but good. Post soon.
wow, tina’s life is such a mess…
Damn CG… ouch, fuc*ing ouch!