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The Roommates – Fast Forward to 2019: Chapter 22
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Bette looked at her with disgust. This conversation had been a long time coming. “How could you share your body with someone else? Yes, we were heartbroken. But WE were heartbroken. Why didn’t you come to ME? I wasn’t good enough for you then. But now suddenly, I’m your world.”
“No! Not suddenly. Always. You’ve always been my world.”
“But you couldn’t close your fucking legs?”
“It wasn’t – – – I wasn’t myself. I was a mess, Bette. You and I were distant. Alice was unreachable. I faltered. I know that. But I never stopped loving you. I never stopped belonging to you.”
“And that’s the reason? That’s why you humiliated me with those women? Women, Sidney. Not singular. Fucking plural.”
The blonde was filled with remorse and shame. “Yes! Okay. Yes! I screwed up. But you know you shut me out. I needed you too, Bette.”
Bette scoffed and shook her head. “No, you needed to fuck. And you got what you wanted.”
“It was only sex! It was a release. I needed my wife. You just disappeared on me!”
“I never left you, Sidney. Never. I was always there.”
“No, you weren’t. You may have been there physically. But emotionally, you completely disconnected from me. I needed to feel like someone loved me. Dana was gone. Alice was gone. And you – – – you were gone.”
“Love? I always loved you. Even when loving you wasn’t in my best interest. Even when Daddy refused to acknowledge our relationship!”
Sidney rolled her eyes. “Oh fuck! Here we go. Melvin this, Melvin that. You should be happy I even entertained trying to please him. He’s a fucking bigot, Bette. But I never uttered a word against him. He’s your father. You love him. So I loved him.”
Bette frowned. “He can’t be a bigot. He’s black.”
“Black people can’t be bigots?”
“I – – – I don’t know. That’s not the point.”
“So what is the point?”
Bette threw up her hands. “I don’t know. I just know that we can’t go on like this. I want this to be over.”
“We’ve been together since freshman year. And you want to throw it all away? How can you look at me and even say those words?”
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Thank you for the chapter!
I glad that Bette didn’t drink. But not happy Tina couldn’t be there for Thanksgiven.
I think that Bette has made it crystal clear that she wants to terminate the relationship with Sidney. I hope that with some therapy that Sidney sees that Bette is finished. Bette needs to get the keys back from Sidney of the house and the gallery as well.
Bette may need a bit therapy herself. I have heard that in a rape situation, it is not unusual to experience an orgasm. After all orgasm are responses from nerve stimulation to a point of release. That stimulation does not have be desired or welcomed to cause a orgasmic response. The brain generally can enhance the experience when it is desired by responding with pleasured moans and groans etc. The result of an orgasm during rape more times than not makes the victim feel guilty that they responded “positively” to the stimulation even though they had no desire and even a repulsion for the experience. As in this story, Bette is concerned that on some level she enjoyed the experience. No…her nerve systems simply responded to the stimulation as they would had the sex act been a welcomed one. It probably took more stimulation of the nerves to get her to orgasm. because her mind was feeling horror. A good physician or therapist can help her know that the orgasm was an ordinary response of her sex organs and their nerve ending being stimulated to the point of climax. It had nothing to do with her desires or some subconsciousness enjoyment of the act. This part when she understands the physiology of the body should at least get over her guilt of having an orgasm.
Thank you for this. I find your comments to always be insightful and thoughtful. As I round out the characters in this story and layer in the impact of this experience on Bette, I will definitely keep this in mind. I like the way you have clearly outlined why Bette’s body reacted the way it did.
As has been stated before, maybe by you :) , she has many memories, but still the mindset of a 19 year old. This is going to be a challenging experience for her to process.
Martha3128 is more than a reader/fan. She is definitely a life coach ????????
Now. With that being settled, gosh, I LOVE that Bette ran to Kit for support!!!! She really made a life-saving decision with that move because Kit KNOWS how alcohol&drugs can easily send a person into the abyss. Kit would not see Bette as weak, insecure, or anything of the sort. Kit would be the safe haven with open arms. And she is.
Bette is definitely conflicted with whether or not 2019 Tina will agree to be in her future as perhaps more than a casual friend.
After all, even Tina is struggling with WHY she is so attracted to Bette, this person she hardly knows. She doesn’t understand any of it but keeps taking steps to follow Bette in spite of her own mistrust, Toward yet another person who wants her to “do what they want”. She has NO idea that at some point in Bette’s Life-path, they were young lovers (and that love has transcended space&time). Bette keeps saying, “I’ll tell ya later”. How will Bette explain the divergent realities of 2005 life and 2019 life??? ????????????
The paradoxes in this saga are thrilling to say the least! ????????????
Thank you for posting, MTS.
I’m impressed with Bette that she found the strenght to face Sidney. That should be a first step to healing as well. Thanks Martha for the explanation, that was my first thought too when I read the part of Sidney’s assault on Bette. Taking to a therapist would help.
Finally Alice knows at least a part of what really happend. I hope that she doesn’t stop supporting Bette with Sidney because I don’t think that Bette should be all alone when dealing with Sidney’s affairs.
I’m so glad that Bette was able to resist drinking again and that she went to Kit. Hopefully her sister will insist that Bette’s decision to separate from Sidney is the right thing to do. Even without Tina’s arrival on the scene Bette needs to end this toxic relation.
Can’t wait for the next part!
Totally agree with this comment: “Even without Tina’s arrival on the scene Bette needs to end this toxic relation.”
Sometimes people hang on because it’s easier than letting go. Sometimes having the right motivation can spur people to act. In any sense, Bette needs to move on in order to grow.
It’s a toxic relationship with Sidney of the mind that she “opens” Bette. She’ll use any method to control Bette, guilt, shame, if You leave, I’ll kill myself, you owe me, whatever!!
Bette has a major battle to free herself from Sidney at this point. Never mind her own personal healing, body, soul & spirit.
I’m glad she’s with Kit, but she’ll need to eventually tell her about the rape. The subversive pull of having been victimized by that type of trauma will require more healing than she has thus far experienced.
Great chapter Bette found that strength with in to reach out for help and so glad she thought of her big sister. Thank you
Thanks for this powerful Chapter.
As the others I am glad Bette did not resort to drink and went for help.
On the same lines as the others that Bette needs therapy to help her with the rape Martha deals with this in her comment much better than I could.
Look forward to the next post
SG