Previously…

If anything, at least this forced time apart resulted in something beneficial for us both, my excruciating hurt dulled somewhat, my boiling rage now slowed to a simmer.  Over that period though, her attempts for contact have diminished.  My definitive refusals obviously influencing her fervor.

Now, with an opening provided, a request offered, it was time.  For me, for her, for our friends.  We had to find something that worked for us all. 

“It’s me.  You called. . .?”

—

“Tina.”  The voice at the other end was clearly tentative.  Mere seconds passed although it seemed like minutes.  I read and hear about that all the time, an observation of experiences slowed by forces beyond reality.  Still, it remains a surprise when it happens to me.

She broke the silence thanking me for returning her call.  It wasn’t too long ago the expectation of response from the other went without question.  Things are different now. 

“I know you don’t want to hear from me but I need you to…” she recants starting afresh, “Would you be willing to meet with me next week?  We should discuss our financial situation and get things in proper order.  Nothing’s decided of course, until you review the details.” 

“I don’t want your money Bette.” I interject.

Gently, she clarifies, “It’s not that.  You should have access to for lack of a better way to put it, ‘your share’, without having to contemplate having right to any of it.  Also, it’s never been my or your money.  If there was that impression then that’s unfortunate.  The accounts hold what we both put into them, more importantly regardless of how things were accumulated there was never a question of it being ours – given we supported each other.”

My silence hopefully conveys that I was never under the impression of our finances not being shared.  There were never limitations imposed by either of us in this regard.  Evidenced by my continued access to our joint account.

“Besides, unless you want to come ho…” she stopped abruptly clearing her throat then continued.

“Besides, I’m sure you’ll want to have your own place.  I’m sure it can’t be easy; not having a sense of a ‘permanent’ home,” she explained. “I’ve always tried my best to take care of us… of you when it came to financial security and monetary matters. I want to make sure I do that now.”