***** 

            “Bette is still shtupping the carpenter?” blared Tonya, her eyes wide. Not understanding, how someone like Bette could see anything remotely worthy of fucking in a carpenter.  Someone who bangs nails for a living, dirty, smelling of freshly sawed wood all the time.  What had gotten into Bette?  Perhaps it was a tale of body snatching, pod people?  Tonya didn’t know.

            “I feel so awful for Tina,” lamented Dana.  Then her eyes met Alice’s and she had to look away.  Dana just wanted to jump over the table, grab Alice and kiss her for hours, then maybe eat her for hours.  Dana shook the thought from her head.  What was it with them lately?  They were all high on sex, first Bette, now herself and Alice?  Then where was Shane, but Shane was always the one fucking, Shane always fucked, and sometimes Dana envied that trait in her.

            “Guys,” warned Shane, but Tonya’s mouth would not be slowed, it was like a train on a rail, it was zooming right ahead.

            “Well, Bette better get that pecker under control…,” threatened Tonya as if she were going to do something about it.  Maybe cut off Bette’s nonexistent pecker.  Shane squinted, thinking she could see Tonya wielding a knife ready to cut someone’s balls off.

            “GUYS!” chided Shane again, her eyes moving to Tina, who was standing there.  The table fell into a cool, awkward silence.  Tina stood, cradling her hot cup of coffee, while wearing a very, form hiding, trench coat, which, apparently, didn’t raise any eyebrows with her friends.

***** 

            “You’re doing Arianna Huffington, she’s fifty, Shane!” blared Dana in her true Bumbledore fashion, having just gotten back from the bathroom where she and Alice had, once again, been kissing.  Not just any kiss, nooooooooooo, it was this toe curling, sweat inducing, hard breathing, fist clenching, hands all over each other kiss.  This was Alice!  Her best friend, the woman who gave her grief about wearing sundresses and about being with Tonya, it was the same Alice!  Dana wanted to crawl under a rock and hide for a month.

            “Her hair,” said Shane in a blasé tone.  Shane rolled her green eyes, thinking her friends certainly had their opinions of her set in stone.  They were right, she’d yet to meet a woman, besides Cheri Jaffe, that made her want to be monogamous, was she even out there?  Was there some sexy, funny, sexually fluid woman who could handle the likes of Shane McCutcheon?