She isnt anywhere around here! Shane called as she strode from the kitchen to plop down on the couch in the living room. Tina made her way down the hall and sat at Alices desk, Maybe she had some special assignment Katey471 dreamed up for her. Shane scoffed out loud at Tinas hypothesis. Just then, the sound of keys jingling in the front door cut the relative silence. Both women scampered to stand in the divide between the hallway and living room. The door opened and Alices laughter mingled with someone elses filled the apartment. Alice stopped short upon noticing Shane and Tina, causing Gabby to bump right into her back. Uhwhat are you doing here? she asked with no shortage of irritation. We thought it was about time you hosted poker night, Tina replied calmly. But poker night is usually on Thursday, Alice countered through gritted teeth. We also decided to bump it up a night, Shane said, leaning against the wall. Alice was rendered speechless, but Gabby quickly smiled that smile that was more of a smirk, I think Ill just head on out then. Alice clamped a hand around Gabbys wrist and pulled her into the hallway, NOI mean, stayplease.

Gabby excused herself to use the bathroom and Alice marched down the short hallway, shoving both Tina and Shane into the living room, Are you guys out of your ***** minds! she hissed. Tina perched herself on the arm of the couch and spoke softly and evenly, We are your friends looking out for your best interests. Shane, who was still rubbing her shoulder where Alice had used excess force, nodded emphatically. A hurried knock at the front door slightly startled everyone and Tina bolted from her seat to go answer it. I came as soon as I could, came Bettes official-sounding voice. Alice rolled her eyes, sighing helplessly as she fell back into her desk chair. They all gathered in front of Alice, staring her down for a few seconds until Gabby reappeared in the hallway. Alice jumped from her seat and stood in front of them facing Gabby. I think Im gonna head homelots of work to do, you know how it is, she said with a toothy smile. Alice nodded her head slightly and Gabby gave her a little wink before showing herself out the door.

Bette, Tina and Shane watched as Alices shoulders rose and fell with every angry, labored breath. I think it is in YOUR best interest if you vacate the premises as soon as humanly possible. The women all looked at each other, then nodded. They each made themselves comfortable in Alices living room: Tina in the armchair, Shane sprawled out on the couch, and Bette settled herself in Alices unusually cushy desk chair. We are not leaving until the process is complete, Tina said casually, with arms crossed and hands folded. And what, pray tell, is this little, ***** process you speak of? Alice asked, annoyance tingeing every syllable. Bette tapped Alices hand with her index finger, An intervention, she whispered loudly. Mission: get ***** Gabby out of your system pronto, Shane added brightly. Cmon, have seat, Tina said, rising from the armchair and patting the cushion, we are going to give you, in list form, all the ways Gabby mistreats you and the reasons why she is not right for you. She crossed over to Alices whiteboard and picked up a marker, This should do nicely, she commented after surveying the blank expanse.

Shane shifted on the couch, I dont think itll be big enough, though, she muttered. Noticing that she hadnt made any movement toward the offered armchair, Bette swatted Alices backside with her foot and pointed at the chair, The woman told you to have a seat. Alice begrudgingly dragged herself to the chair, falling into it with an audible humph through pouting lips. Okay, Tina sighed as she created an elaborate number one in the corner of the board, where shall we begin?

Her face! Shane offered loudly, God! When she makes that smirkit pisses the ***** out of me!

***

Tina: Okaynumber 31?

Bette: When she does decide to make it up to you, she gets you the shittiest flowers

Shane: Yeah! I meannot only does she take your heart, rip it to itty bitty shreds, stomp on it, then through it in the gutter, then

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHTI get it, OKAY! Alice interrupted loudly, She treats me like ***** and Im a big idiot for putting up with it! The entire room fell silent as Alices eyes began to glisten with tears. Tina put down the marker and crossed the living room to sit on the arm of Alices chair. Pulling her closer, she spoke softly, YOU are not an idiotits just, youre too good for her. Bette and Shane silently nodded their agreement. Alice wiped away the small tears that had pooled in her eyes with a helpless smile, But you guys have NO idea how Bette, Tina and Shane interrupted in unison, HOW GOOD THE ***** IS! They shared a hearty laugh for a few moments until it was cut short by a knock at the door. Instinctively, Tina and Shane pounced on Alice, covering her mouth and pinning down her arms and legs. Bette smoothed out her suit and walked leisurely toward the front door. Without looking in the peep hole, she shouted, Im really sorry Gabby, but were kind of busy with a foursome, and technically a foursome can only have four participants, so…!

What the *****? Dana asked, totally confused. Bette chuckled in spite of herself and wrenched the door open. I thought you guys were doing the thing with Gabby? she continued, still confused as Bette ushered her down the hall. Mission accomplished, Shane answered with a wry grin, unwrapping herself from Alice.

Dana: AwwwI missed the whole thing?

Tina: (pointing at the board) We kept a record for you

Alice: I thought you had some gala dinner to go to?

Dana: I didI mean I went, but then I faked food poisoning and left early!

Dana smiled proudly, remembering her keen acting skills, and clutched the huge brown paper bag she was holding a little tighter. Whats in the bag, Dane? Shane inquired archly. With the flourish of a magician with his rabbit-out-of-a-hat trick, Dana pulled three bottles of Cristal champagne out of the bag. Both Bette and Tina stood agape, Alice uttered her trademark holy *****, and Shane was actually drooling a little. I snatched them from the party before I left, Dana explained with a devilish little smile, I barely said two words to the bartender before he was stuffing them in a bag for me!

***

The women were sprawled out all over the living room, the three bottles of expensive champagne were completely empty, and no one had said anything for about five minutes until Alice began another quiet conversation.

Alice: God that stuff is good!

Dana: Mmmmmm

Shane: (snoring)

Bette: What was that?

Tina: I think Shane fell asleepBette?

Bette: Yeah?

Tina: Neither one of us can drive, right?

Bette: MmmmmHmmmm

They all decided the best thing would be to all stay at Alices. Bette and Tina set the alarms on their respective phones, while Alice and Dana found pillows and blankets for everyone. As Shane snuggled into the blanket Alice draped over her, Bette and Tina spooned together on the couch which was vacant. Dana and Alice plodded down the hallway to go sleep in the bedroom, before turning off the lights Alice called down the hall with a weak thank you, guys.

Oh, and you twono ***** in the champagne room.